A Poet's Bleeding Heart🖤📜🪶

*Be a witness to the "million miles a second" thought process in real time.*

"When you realize you were never the problem, you were just in the wrong environment." 

I saw this and it stopped me immediately in my tracks. 

I jumped to my blog.. to... do something? Lol

I can't even say why... I dont rightly know lol🙄

I just stared at it. That sentence on some TikTok for several beats too long to be honest. I really stopped. Frozen. And now I'm here.

Writing something down because of it.

I dont even know what this is. Haha but I'm here. 

So it must mean something. I must have something to say even if i don't know what it is yet. (#LogicOfPoets)

I bet if I just keep my fingers moving something philosophical will come out? Doubt it. Maybe. 

I mean it's a true statement. If nothing else.

I always value accuracy.

As a teacher I know this well. It's my job to pay attention. To assess strengths and weaknesses and build a lesson plan that carefully fine tunes each in turn at all the different and varying levels 

I do always say "One size fits all" is a very... well, it's certainly not my favorite. It doesn't do it for me.

And you know? 

Sometimes all it takes is a shift in gears.  A slight (or monumental as is sometimes the case) tweak of circumstance or perspective to completely shed a whole different light on something. 

Omg its raining. I literally fucking love the rain. So soothing. And it smells good too. Wet earth.  Wet grass. I love sitting on my porch. 

Woah my streetlights just went out. Ha. Spooky.

Oh right. That quote. 

I think it's a powerful mindset actually, now that I'm actively chewing on it. It shifts the blame off of yourself and onto something manageable and much more likely. 

I think it's so easy sometimes to get stuck in a really dark and low place of:

"What is wrong with me?" 

"Why can't I do this right?"

"Why am I broken?"

"Is there a glitch in me?"

And you feel crazy because youre the only common thread here. You must be fucking jinxed. I think that literally constantly. Almost as much as I think I am rather lucky.

Which I do!

But.. its hard. Especially when that's all you knew. 

^^^Lmao i love rhyming accidentally hahahaha

Sometimes you forget that one tiny change if scene could illuminate everything you ever hated about yourself and shine such a beautiful and forgiving light on them all. A shift of pace. Simply stepping into a different room can have you furious that you ever considered yourself the issue. Truly. 

All your muchness?

Oh there are places for it to go. Hard to find perhaps.. but out there. Somewhere, surely. 

That's just basic math is it not?

If muchness is had, there are those who will absorb it. 

Wells for it to feed. 

"You just took a wrong turn, silly. Make a U-Turn bitch haha"

I say that to myself often. 

I positively redirect my brain just like i do my babies at school. 😂😂 Hey you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. 

Haha. Now I'm literally just talking to myself 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Is this what insanity looks like? Or narcissism? Lmao why am I cackling at myself hahaha. Too funny. As in me, I'm too funny. 😎 lmao. 

Wow just typing really did spit something out. I dont know how philosophical it was but it was a riot that's for sure. 😆

Thanks for hoppin aboard the crazy train🫡😅🚂

Choo choo

And scene! 🎬😆

Thank you. This has been my audition for your semi-friendly neurodivergent neighborhood mascot for extremely unmedicated ADHD hahaha. sheesh.