I grew up not knowing what i wanted, i know you did too. Yesterday i find myself happy, full of energy and willing to talk. Today I'm sad, tired and wish to disappear. day after day that feeling of sadness is controlling me, taking over my thoughts and just then i found about bdsm, Months ago maybe?..
I didn't know what i wanted from this, it seemed a place to either take control or give up on control, what i wanted was obvious, i wanted to give up on control, i felt so tired of my decisions my mistakes, so i won't feel the pressure if someone else is handling it..
I've tried to be someone's sub, yet i had that conflict of me wanting to be me and me wanting to be owned, be someone's else property.. yet, i realised even in this place i got rejected, just the same way i got rejected in real life.
At that point, i came to a conclusion, people like me belongs to nowhere, even in the most wild community I'm too weird to fit in, I'm not a regular person, I'm a gathering of mental illnesses in a body of human being.