Giggles’ Corner

I like the anime because it hides my age. However I'm trying to feel pretty now. Not what was, what is. So i have no clue. How long this one will last 

My toys came!!!!  We had to go without in some other areas but::she smiles just for him:: and he’s been listening when I talk to my friend of 42 years (ha our friendship is the answer to everything) be careful if you are a survivor I tend to be blunt with my own story and that can be traumatizing I am told and can imagine but I have no filter. He went without his monthly treat to buy me a set of toys consistent with the fantasy I told my friend about. :: I'm still bouncing like Tigger:: 

The one consistent thing has been I missed my old collar and leash. I told him the thinner one and he got me the one larger because, well it's cheap and they didn't have an in-between size. My old one definitely wouldn't have fit

He got it for me in pink!  

This one i got to unwrap 

And then there was this that happened

And what kind are they? They are big girl panties in multiple colors. 

And that tail belongs to

And then he got rope we know I'm not allergic to. He got to unpack the rope. 

The hemp hasn't yet arrived and we don't know if I'm allergic to it or not. The nylon we know I'd have a reaction so we went with cotton. As the back up seemed the safest given the restrictions. 

We had to skimp and we technically aren't going to make it. But I'll hang out at the Library or something pick up some students to pay for this. 

And I just want to share with everyone, and well…here is the place I can say too personal things and others don't mind. As I've been telling everyone, he bought me a collar and leash! A new pink ball gag, rope, and he wants to take photos of me again. I'm not in the shape i was in when my profile photo was taken. I was 47 when I went down, with nerve damage, and I've gained weight. And I thought the days of him tying me down were over. Honestly, I listened over the years. Apparently to all the wrong things. But I heard him. :: insert completely inappropriate laugh:: We often listen to those things we are intended to let go. He always told me he loved me. Me. I heard he loved my body. I no longer have that body. And accepting that is difficult. I didn't want to use old photos for that reason. I'm trying to be body positive. However, they are the photos i currently have approved by my husband. We’ll be doing a photo shoot of just the headshots to start with. We are getting a full wax next month. I'm all smiles. We've had to prioritize school and not sex. Then we lost our toys bag, and things went downhill from there. Now…he got me my leash and collar, and a brand new ball gag in pink and rope. Oh my Daddy bought me rope. :: jumps like Tigger:: Dom, honey, husband, Daddy. Shit, the only Daddy in my life in any way. I mean all 54 years.

I'll be frank: I'm posting this because I want to write every day, and the script I'm providing my husband is more porn than erotica. And I'm trying to find the balance between explicit-academic, explicit-erotica, and explicit-porn, so I'm writing this post, and it will not include explicit material. There are several reasons for this. Partially because it is germane to my question. I put the trigger warning because even I don't know exactly where this is going. My husband (i smile broadly ), my leash holder. Anyone who's seen my picture knows the one I'm talking about. I very much feel like we are planning that wedding we never had. We married at the courthouse and were 5 minutes late to work for the first time ever. That was 34 years ago. And now I'm trying to explain to my husband what I want and how he can fulfill what we both feel is missing. Every time throughout our marriage, he has turned my sex drive down without knowing it, then got mad at me for not sharing… It's a vicious cycle, and I encouraged him to sleep around, which he only did once, and I insisted on approval. And that was good for me…well…it was livable because my sex drive is buried beneath trauma, and unburying it requires dealing with the trauma. Which I've been doing over our marriage. And it seemed every time I'd uncover something, he'd say something that would tell me Just keep it buried; that's best. Well, then I hit menopause; it's sort of like people explain being a teenager, and now I have to go back and explain to my husband every time he ever told me he would not accommodate my sex drive. Not because he failed me, but because I failed to inform him at the time that it was important to me.

Please don't take that the wrong way. It makes him a very good man and one that enjoys the bondage out of BDSM as well as the aesthetic. He’s accommodated my exhibitionist fantasies. One of the best times was when he ‘attacked’ me in the pool hall we worked in; that was fun. Had to watch the top of the pool table; didn't want to get fired for fucking at work. Ok, so I apparently have a thing for dangerous places too. Not the point of this post. So, I came to my husband with CNC, and he initially said no. Like any man who loved me would, he made sure I'd check with my therapist because I'm a survivor of some pretty horrific shit from birth. I won't do that here; the relevance is that it happened throughout my infancy and childhood, and I'm asking my husband for CNC. Now he's asking me how it works. And I told him he keeps handing me my sex drive, and I keep trying to hand it back. :: insert flush and innocent laugh:: he told me it doesn't work that way. :: I smile lovingly at my husband, who is currently sleeping beside me:: Now I have to tell him what I want, so I'm writing.

It's a blueprint for him. Until he can get a feel for what I'm circling. I tried being more allegorical, and he said he couldn't talk to me like that. And that's not what I'm asking. Ok, I'm babbling now… It's because I want to share, but I'm afraid it's just porn, and I remember reading a rule from the cage about that. (I can not find it now) My husband, hehhehe, the only person I kneel for, describes me as happily feral. His description:: Smiles just for him::

I say all this to say my writing is going to be part over-intellectualization and part over-explicit until we (my Dom and I…My husband and I…We have a few others too, but I think you get my point.):: I smile that smile again:: One y'all will eventually see because my husband is my photographer. And I have exhibitionist tendencies. Know this: I am not what you see in my current profile picture; that was when I was 40 and weighed 135 lbs. I am a big girl now and 54. And when we can, we'll happily take a few photos, and those photos will be shared. I am saying this now. If you don't like big girls, I won't be to your taste. Know this too: my husband picks the photos I can share and approves who. If you find me online, please tell me and share. What we will be doing is all accessible, specific to me and my nerve damage and degenerative joint disease. I say that because we are taking suggestions without being able to tie me comfortably. Not a masochist, and he's not a sadist. I know. Funny when I'm talking cnc. Which is why he wants a blueprint

I'll sign off for now. Know that there is explicit CNC material coming in my blogs as I untangle this.