You know it's Friday when a really good cartoon is on and you watch it more than doing work cause it's such a great cartoon and your boss just shakes his head at you laughing at the show acting like an idiot...
Damn do I love my job some days more than others 😂
Karma is a badass bitch!
She will knock you upside the head, break your heart and kick your ass into next week. You may ask yourself why she's doing it to you, what have you ever done wrong?
I have a little story to tell of karma slaping someone hard and why she stood up for the little sub that was hurt, betrayed and broken.
There was a little sub. She had been wondering through the deep dark forest that she was slowly starting to learn. She had met the being's in the shadows, some were beautiful and kind and wanted to help her along her journey as much as they could, but they eventually left and she was a little sad whenever they did, but she was OK, she was able to move forward.
One day a beautiful, powerful and amazing creature stepped out of the shadows. He was perfect in every way. His satin voice whispered in her ear everything she ever wanted to hear. He held her close and made her feel special, he promised that if she stayed he would make her Queen of the forest. He called her sweet names and promised her the world.
She had never found someone so special, who made her feel the things she did.
He promised that he would love her forever. That he would protect her no matter what, and nothing would ever tear them apart.
But, one day the creature disappeared. And the little sub was worried, calling out for him. Maybe he had been hurt or somethin else equally bad or worse. She was scared. But he returned telling her that he something happened, but he was OK. Things were alright again.
He told her that he was going to take her to a special place where it would only be them, no one would bother them and they would be able to become king and queen of the forest. A honeymoon of a sort, just them for 2 weeks. Just in time for her birthday. What a beautiful gift she was going to get!
A couple days later he disappeared again. And once again she became worried and fearful for his wellbeing. This time he was gone longer. Coming back in the wee hours of the morning while she slept fitfully having terrible nightmares.
when she asked what had happened he said that his mother was sick and he had to take care of her. The little sub understood as she would do the same for anyone she loved.
The day came that they were supposed to go to the special place. But she awoke to a note, saying he would be back soon. She waited all day and into the next day... but nothing. She tried calling out to him, but there was nothing.
She had been left with nothing more then a note saying he would be back.
But he didn't come back. Hurt she ran and ran and ran through the forest. In her flight she came across a dragon, one that she had met before. He was kind and smart and powerful, she had been afraid of him before but this time she could see the kindness and tenderness in his eyes and knew that she would be safe with him. He pulled her close to his body warming her and comforting her with his deep rumbling purr.
She stayed with him, protected and safe. Learning the ways of dragons. One day there was a rustle in the trees and the creature appeared. But he was no longer the beautiful creature she remembered. He asked the little sub rude questions about the dragon. And saying mean things to the little sub. The dragon heard this and let out a mighty roar and scared the creature off.
The little sub heard whispers in the shadows that the creature had found a new sub 4 days after he was supposed to have taken her away to his special place.They were going to go to that special place.
The little sub was sad again, and angry. She cried out to Karma the wisest and most powerful creature in the forest. But the little sub didn't hear any reply from Karma.
The dragon took her broken pieces and put her back together. He trained her to be stronger. He guided her on the many paths she hadn't seen before. He protected her from the creature in the dark that would hurt her.
One day the little sub and the dragon heard the cries of the creature. They heard his pain in the distance. And curious they looked to see what had happened. The creature stood outside a dwelling yelling that she had left him. That she had disappeared.
The little sub and the dragon looked at each other and the dragon said "come my loyal and faithful little sub, we shall leave him" and they walked away. The little sub looked around the forest and saw the beautiful and dangerous eyes of Karma and knew she had heard the little sub in her time of pain.
Moral of the story if you are going to fuck with someone be prepared for Karma to fuck your shit up the same way.
P.S. if any subs would like to know who the "creature" is pm me. If you are a dom and would like to know please contact Dragon11 (don't want you to get in trouble😉)
Today was my first day as a manager. Man was I naive about the shit show that was going on. I mean I knew... but holy shitballs.
Thank goodness Daddy Dragon was there to keep my head from exploding. His sweet encouragement helped me to stay focused on the extremely daunting task at hand.
Not only do I have to work but there's so many assignment's that I have to get done. Oh and I volunteered to train the new girl that's taking my old position. ON MY DAY OFF 😲😲😲 what is wrong with me?
I thought this week would be getting accustomed to the new role and stuff I literally had 6 hours training yesterday and thought of somethings that need to be changed. Today that list of like 3 or 4 things has turned into 20 😂
I'm so glad Daddy Dragon has been chill with me and letting me find my way a bit but still encouraging me and keeping me company. It's really appreciated!
Anyways that's my rant for the day...
Oh yeah, question... is it bad to want to sick Daddy Dragon on my teacher? 😂
5am is not a human time.
5am sucks.
I am not a moring human!
Why am I awake at 5 am?
Cause starting today I have a new work schedule....
Not morning human!
So it has been brought to my attention that I haven't yet talked about my dynamic. That I have said a lot of stuff about what's going on in my regular day, but not what has been happening with me regarding my kink life.
So, I think that I should start at the beginning.
A few months ago I was talking with a couple of Dom's, they knew about each other. One day one of them decided that he wanted to take me under his wing. This wasn't what I was expecting, it wasn't what was expected by the third party involved and he very kindly made it easy for me and took a step back. I was very greatful that he did this. Things didn't last very long with the one that wanted to take me on. I let the one that had stepped back know that I was no longer under the other one. And I did what I'm good at, I shut down mentally. I played and had some fun, did some stupid stuff, but I never committed, I wasn't willing to be vulnerable again. I didn't want to let that part of myself out again... why when things were so much more fun when I couldn't get hurt? The Dom who was dealing with me at the time said that I wasn't ready. We both knew I wasn't. Admittedly it took me a couple weeks to fully accept that I wasn't going to get anywhere in the lifestyle if I wasn't willing to be vulnerable. "To get out of my own way" as he told me.
So, I hit reset. I had a very serious sit down in my head and told myself that I was being stupid and acting like the girls that just wanted the 50 shades life... was that really what I wanted? Or did I want to get the most out of the lifestyle?
I opened myself up. I met who I thought was the Dom for me. He was everything that I wanted from the kink stuff to the vanilla stuff. He made me feel special. He made me feel like I was the queen he kept telling me I was. I fell hard and fast. I opened myself, and I had a good time. Then he was supposed to come see me. Now, I should say that there were warning signs but I was so caught up in his web and so unwilling to realize that's where I was. I was deluding myself I know I was and I didn't want to see it. So when I showed up at the airport for the last flight of the evening, the one he was supposed to be on, he never stepped off the plane. I was there till 1 in the morning. I messaged him... nothing. I was devastated, but there had to be a reason he wasn't there. Maybe his missed the connecting flight? Maybe he got hurt at the airport? Maybe something happened! Radio silence for a week. I heard nothing.
Things didn't matter anymore. I was starting to spiral down a very dark and deep hole. I couldn't go there. I knew where it was going to lead. So once again I had to have that serious talk with myself. In this meeting I decided that I wasn't going to go to that dark place. It was a reflection of him and what he was like, not what this life has to offer me. I was going to go out and try to be better, do better and become better. I wasn't going to let his shittiness take me away from what I wanted. He wasn't going to wreck me for others.
I was scrolling on here one day and saw that the Dom that had been so amazing to me months before had things falling into place for him. He got a new job that he was excited for and he seemed happy. I was happy for him and I wanted to tell him. It took me a day to finally muster that courage. I didn't know if he ever wanted to talk to me again, or if he would even read my message.
He did. He responded. We talked a bit, and it was nice. It was comfortable again. He called me out on my shit like he had before, it was and is needed. I am my own worst enemy and I have let myself get in my own way.
But no more. I have committed. I will learn and I will become the best me that there is. why? Because I have an amazing Dom that is there for me. A leader, a teacher and a guardian. A Dom that will lead me to being the best that I can be. A Dom that will push me, that knew my schedule after months of not talking (This is actually a big thing for me. Ive talked to people for weeks and they couldn't remember what I had told them the night before or even that morning) I am now going to be trained, and I am working my way to getting everything that I could ever hope for from this dynamic and more.
It has been over a week and I already feel like I'm moving away from the person I was. That I am becoming more of who I want to be and it's all thanks to my Dom. My friend. My teacher. My protector. The person that has helped me in so many ways that I don't know how I will ever repay him but with my submission. My true submission.
So I have been taking classes for the past few years. I have been enrolled in a business program and was going to graduate this year, May 8th to be exact. However, with this pandemic, like my birthday, has been cancelled.
I am still required to take my classes online and hand in a bunch of things which have thankfully mostly been given extensions cause I have 2 big research papers both in APA format as well as a group project on a case that we have to figure out what to do with the company....
But anyways, for one of my research papers it is on social psychology. I know it doesn't really follow a business curriculum but I have had an interest in psychology for awhile and it's been interesting and I have been able to connect a lot of what I learn with BDSM and the lifestyle. When I was first introduced to the idea of having to write a research paper I, for a split second, thought about using BDSM as the main subject. There is so much that happens in this lifestyle that can be explained through psychology. I am currently caught between continuing with the boring as hell subject that I chose and being brave and super out there and writing the one on BDSM. Though I would need to narrow it down a lot then saying "BDSM and Social Psychology: There's a Connection" (That's actually such a great title) Im in trouble... I really feel like being out there about this now... I'm not so sure that my instructor would be too pleased but seriously we're all in quarantine and going a little squirrely!
What would my subjects be? I mean there is so much to talk about when it comes to BDSM and so many dynamics and practices. There is quite a bit of psychology and research done on BDSM... I could like submission and dissonance with disobeying, that could have so many implications as well as each sub is different, some are bratty and easily get through dissonance created from disobeying while others suffer greatly even thinking about disobeying. There are Dom's that have an innate gift of knowing exactly what their sub is thinking and others that only have a basic understanding, this I could connect with a lot... bad example.. but you get the gist right?
So back to the dilemma at hand... should I risk it and change my subject? Or do I stick with the easy subject (not that BDSM isn't easy) or do I go with something that has piqued my interest for many years and that so many people have a connection to? There are so many people out there that are kinky and don't think they are kinky, as I was told if you enjoy a little slap and tickle you're considered kinky. LOL
Thanks for reading... had to get that off my chest...
Tomorrow is my birthday... not sure how it's gonna go considering every one is in self-quarantine...
We will see how things go. Wish me good luck, need some of that not anymore of the bad luck stuff lol
In need of some serious cuddles today.
I wish I could just stay home in my big cozy bed and cuddle and watch movies.
It's been a loooong ass month! I don't even get to follow everyone else into seclusion cause work says I have to be there 😧
So, I mentioned before that I am on the keto diet. And it's been going well, I have been on it for almost 2 months and have technically lost over 25 pounds. And im noticing it more and more, BUT I'm noticing I feel more squishy then normal.
I had to share that lol.
That's all I've got today
I find myself thinking of those from my past today. Some from a long time ago, some from not so long ago. People that have moved on physically and spiritually.
I wonder how some of them are doing. What their lives look like. How they've changed.
How have I changed? People say I have a lot but I'm still the insecure little girl I was before. I'm just better at hiding it.
I'm better at playing pretend.
Does it make a bad sub to not be able to show vulnerability? To build walls and barriers to protect myself? Maybe.
Things have been rough and great lately. I feel like I'm on a roller-coaster without any safety barriers. But to anyone looking at me they will see a smile, they will see optimism and a go with the flow attitude. Some days it's harder to show my vulnerabilities. I will hide behind jokes, laughter, I will change the subject. I will quickly reinforce weak spots.
I struggle to let others see those parts of me.
I was told I need to grow. That i wasn't ready for a dynamic. I wasn't mature enough to have a partner. I wasn't good enough to do many things. I wasn't ready for the next step. I wasn't submissive. I wasn't enough.
But I'm still standing. I'm still here. I may not fully know myself yet, but I'm still learning and growing. Yes some days I don't want to adult, but there's a kink for that!
Thanks for reading my gush of whatever this is lol.
I hope you enjoy the rest of your day or night whichever timezone you're in.
Till next time!