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Any and all written and photographic matarial found here-in is my sole intellectual property (unless denoted otherwise) and I retain all rights as such.No part may be copied or reproduced in any way without prior written consent. 
4 months ago. January 26, 2023 at 6:25 PM

For those who remember when this song came out - seems like yesterday,  doesn't it?

"To the beautiful and the wise, the mirror always lies"

Pay attention youth of today, for you are the future of tomorrow and one day your own yesterday.



4 months ago. January 25, 2023 at 8:07 PM

It has been brought to my attention that it feels "weird" to browse through my old blogs. Like digging through someone's personal belongings. 

Im not sure why that is. If you want to know me, by all means, please browse through my blogs - thats why they are still public.

 I put out there my heart and soul - if you feel so inspired, reach out to me.


4 months ago. January 25, 2023 at 5:41 PM

Ive been researching some analytics to help give advice to a friend who wants to launch a youtube channel.

According to 'infidigit' for the year 2021, the second highest searched topic in the US was ASMR, (second only to pewdiepie 🙄). And the third highest for world searches, (also second to pewdiepie 🙄).

Personally,  I dont get it. 

I mean, stop it already, will ya! Those sounds are irritating,  lol

Then I thought . . . . 🤔

What about in the kink world?



4 months ago. January 24, 2023 at 8:51 PM

4 months ago. January 12, 2023 at 7:38 PM

So I got to thinking . . . . 

What exactly are the benefits of being a member of a bdsm site? A "kink" site, if you will.

(Ms V, please allow me a moment of inspirational transgression 🙏)

Is it the comradery? Seeking the "like minded"? 

Is it for education on the subject?

Perhaps a jolly get off on the unsuspecting?

Hopes for nude pics.


I like to do things in the bedroom that are "out of the ordinary"


So why join a website that promotes such behavior?


Heres my philosophy on the subject -


People are horny and bored.











4 months ago. January 9, 2023 at 1:22 PM

Joyce was in shock, utter disbelief.  There had to be some other explanation,  there had to be! 

'Video foolery? A trick?' 


Learn to pronounce
See definitions in:
the world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.
"he refuses to face reality"


The video showed Renee as you would expect, someone having a bad dream - night terrors.

Her head slammed unnaturally to the right, then left - she flipped on her stomach and writhed in pain. Gripping desperately at the sheets above her head. 


But then . . . . Welts appeared. 


"I told you!"

"Sshhh sshh" Joyce waved her to wait and backed up the video a couple minutes and watched again.

She held her hand to her mouth and was silent, staring in disbelief.

"You have to . . . I mean . . . this is . . . this is . . ."

"You can't tell anyone, please Joyce, I mean it"

"Honey" she chuckled a bit "who would believe us?"

She backed up the video and watched again.

"Because you . . ."

"Yes, he told me I wasnt allowed"

Renee just watched patiently as Joyce tried to wrap her head around this.

Joyce sat back and took a calming deep breath . . . Then another

"Well then . . ."

"You really should have that eye looked at sweetheart "

"Its fine, im not trying to start a domestic violence investigation"

"Ah, right . . right"

"How can . . . I mean . . . How is this possible??"

Joyce watched the video one more time.

"What are you going to do?"

"Not masturbate, thats for sure"

They both laughed. . . Cut short by the realization. 

"And he has come to you every night?"

"Yes, I go to bed expecting him."  "Joyce . . . "  she paused  "I feel like . . . ."

"Its ok, go on "

"I feel like . . . im falling in love with him"

"Come on now Renee, you're talking like hes . . ."

She stopped . . .

"Like he's what? Real?"

"You're talking about falling in love with a dream!"

"You see the marks Joyce, you saw the video"



Time passed, he continued to visit her nightly. Sometimes giving her tasks to complete, telling her what to wear, or not wear. Sometimes egding her almost to her breaking point. Sometimes punishing her.

But always there.



Friday  4:30pm


"Joyce, I want to join him"

Joyce chuckled at the thought, but her smile quickly faded when she saw Renee's completely serious expression.

"Join him??"


Renee just stared

"Oh come on! You cant be serious!"

A tear slipped down Renee's cheek

"Honey, you cant be serious! You're talking about . . . "


"I want to join him"




Joyce closed her practice that spring and moved to France.

She never spoke of her time with Renee (or him) to anyone.








4 months ago. January 9, 2023 at 12:09 PM

"Did you call the police?" 

"Joyce!  come on, call the police on who? The boogie man?"

"Sweetheart,  your lip is split and you have clear finger marks on your neck - dreams dont do that!"

Renee began to sob. 

"You are sure no one was there?"

"Yes Joyce, im positive, I swear to you, no one was in my room!" 

Joyce scribbled a few notes, her mind reached for possibilities  - 'protecting her abuser? . . . But then why come to me for help? Why make up this "only in my dreams" story?' She had known Renee for awhile now, she had been coming to see her regularly since she lost her mother. Always well grounded in reality.

"I want to try something,  ok?" 


"I want you to set up a camera in your room"


He was gentle with her that night, more gentle than he had ever been. Caressing her soft skin, teasing . . . tracing every curve  -  bringing her closer and closer. Her body was on fire. Her arms pinned above, her legs spred wide . . . . She still couldnt move, but she did not want to be free from him. His fingers knew exactly what to do, he was inside her. Not physically,  no - like part of her. He danced her like a puppeteer,  pulled on her, brought her right to the edge . . . .repeatedly. "please" she begged without a voice, "please" . . . . her hips heaving, longing for release.

"Dont touch"  came the disembodied whisper to her ear, a gentle kiss . . . And he was gone.

She woke breathing heavily,  confused. She didnt startle awake - it was more like, slipped out of sleep quickly. A smooth transition. She became aware of the ache . . . "Dont touch" . . . .


"Joyce, this is too embarrassing"

"Come on, lets see"

The video showed Renee as she descibed, seemingly pinned to the bed, but also, yes - alone in the room.

"This does not explain how you got a split lip and marks on your neck, all I see is someone having a wet dream" Joyce stated with a touch of sarcasm in her voice.

"Theres something I didnt tell you"

She gave her a 'go on' look over her glasses

"He was angry that day . . . I mean, I made him angry"

"Well, I guess we'll just have to piss him off again, wont we?" She tossed her glasses on the desk, clearly getting frustrated. 

"You dont believe me!" Tears welled in her eyes.

"Look Renee, Ive known you and your family for a long time,  you are like a daughter to me - but come on, whats really going on?"

The tears came.

"You can tell me sweetheart,  its ok".

"I AM telling you Joyce!" She snapped, "I swear on my life, im telling you the truth!"

Joyce leaned back and took a deep breath.

"How did you anger him?"

"I masturbated"

She jotted a few more notes


"He told me I wasnt to do that"

A few awkward moments passed

"I want to send you over to . . ."

"Im not going to see anyone Joyce!" She interrupted "I came to you with this out of desparation, you think I dont know how goddamn crazy this sounds!"

Her tears flowing now

"Ok, ok, calm down" she walked around the desk and handed her the tissue box, and gave her a quick hug.

They both took a moment to think, reasses the situation. 

"What if you pissed him off again?"


"Well, I mean . . . "


Joyce worked to hide the grin when she saw Renees eyebrow go up in consideration of the idea.


End of part 4

4 months ago. January 9, 2023 at 10:01 AM

Paranormal events are purported phenomena described in popular culture, folk, and other non-scientific bodies of knowledge, whose existence within these contexts is described as being beyond the scope of normal scientific understanding. Notable paranormal beliefs include those that pertain to extrasensory perception (for example, telepathy), spiritualism and the pseudosciences of ghost hunting, cryptozoology, and ufology.



Manifestation (or manifesting) refers to various pseudoscientific self-help strategies that can purportedly make an individual's wishes come true by mentally visualizing them. Manifestation techniques are based on the law of attraction of New Thought spirituality. While the process involves positive thinking, or even directing requests to "the universe", it also involves actions on the part of the individual.



It was a chilly Saturday,  Renee lounged lazily - still in bed. She thought about various things she might do but nothing sparked her fancy. She stretched again and rolled on her back. Her thoughts drifted to her dream. Her hand slowly followed . . . .

Her breath caught, softly . . . still swollen . . . she made gentle circles . . . slowly at first . . . He was so rough with her that time . . . Her middle finger slid in . . .  wet . . . rhythmic . . . faster . . . "mmm. . ." A quiet "yes" escaped her lips as the orgasm came.

After her shower she cozied back into bed and curled up. She had settled it, she would simply do nothing at all today.

Her breathing slowed, a deep relaxation swept over her . . . . so warm and . . . 


His left hand clenched her throat, shoving her into the bed - she couldnt breathe . . . Couldnt utter a sound. Anger! . . . He was angry. For the first time, she felt true fear. His right hand landed a resounding sting across her face. "You . . Do not . . . Touch!"  His presence loomed down on her, his hand slapped her hard once more . . . His grip on her throat tightened. She couldnt breath . . . "I . . . I . . cant . . . "  she struggled to no avail. He plunged his fingers roughly inside her, gripping his property . . . "This . . .is . . . Mine!" 

She was about to . . . going dark . . .   at the last second his grip released . . . She sat up gasping.


"Joyce, I need to see you today! Please! Its urgent, can I come in today?  please!"


She washed the blood from her face and quickly got dressed, wrapped a light scarf around her neck and headed out the door.


End of part 3


4 months ago. January 9, 2023 at 7:12 AM

Sleep paralysis, lucid dreaming, and sleep walking are curious things indeed.

Sleep paralysis often happens while falling asleep, or immediately after waking up. The mind is conscious and aware it is happening,  but the body remains unable to move. Truly frightening. 

Sleep walking is quite the opposite.  The conscious mind has checked out but the body is fully engaged. 

Lucid dreaming is the practice of manipulating ones own dreams and actively participating in the outcome of them.



"Please, no . . ."   

His hand cupped her mouth "You dare!" 

He kissed her aggressively,  pulled back and slapped her hard across the face with stunning force "sshhhhh"  . . . he kissed her again.

She couldnt move of her own doing . . . her body would not respond, only tense and display to his.

The engorged took the place of any will she might have reserved . . . He was inside her, violating - what he wanted . . . His. He mocked her struggle with ease, relentless . . . He already knew the outcome. She couldnt speak, she wanted to scream - to fight back . . . .to . . . .the fires lit . . .building quickly . . . "No! . . . NO!!" . . . He held her firmly and drove deeper. "Please . . .no!! . . ." He pushed her legs farther apart, readying for his prize. Her fists white knuckled, clenched tightly over her head, her breasts heaved . . . . Her hips began to thrust in time . . . "No! . . .please . . . Oh god! . . ."

She woke suddenly, like always - just in time to witness - her naked body glistening with sweat, her legs spred wide . . . . quaking . . . She pushed hard "Oh . . My . . Fucking! . . . ." She trembled violently as her orgasm exploded. 


Her jaw hurt all morning,  it didn't make sense! How could her jaw hurt from a dream!? It didnt make sense!

"What did you do to your lip?"  Linda, her friend and yoga instructor asked with concern.

"Its nothing, I bumped into the door"


*Thursday,  4:30pm

"Well, good news - your test results show fairly normal sleep cycles."

"I was wondering if id be able to sleep at all but they make you completely comfortable,  dont they?"

She smiled.

"So he didnt come that night, did he?"



End of part 2

4 months ago. January 9, 2023 at 5:48 AM

. . . She woke abruptly - panting, in a cold sweat - Her wrists together in a contorted, strained state above her head - her legs parted and trembling - the sheet gone - in the throws of an orgasm. . . . Again.

. . . . . . 

Renée was a well adjusted 36 year old woman. She kept herself fit, exercised regularly and only ate healthy food. She attended yoga sessions twice a week and managed to make it to church every Sunday.  No kids, never married. She had had a couple of memerable relationships,  but nothing lasting.  Overall a well rounded, well balanced woman. 

This "problem" started three weeks ago, and occurred every night since. She would retire to bed at her usual time, fall asleep fairly quickly - and dream fairly normal dreams, as far as dreams go anyway. And then "he" would appear . . . .

"I feel like im losing my mind" she said, exhausted. "Trust me, you are not" her therapist replied reassuringly. 

Joyce was a veteran in the psychology and theraputic world, with four and half decades experience. She was seen as a motherly figure by most of her clients.

"Three weeks now? Why did you wait so long to discuss this?" She asked with a sympathetic tone "Well, I thought it was a passing thing" she admitted, "and well, I mean . . .kindof embarrassing,  ya know?" Both women chuckled. "Do you know who it is in your dream?" "No, I mean . . ."  She hesitated  "its like . . . I dont know him, but I do not fear him, does that make sense?"  Joyce set her glasses on the desk and contimplated for a moment. "Do you wake orgasming every time?" Renee flushed with obvious embarrassment. "Yes, . . . every time"  She replaced her glasses and jotted a couple of notes. "And is he aggressive every time?" "Yes, but like I said . . . Its weird, I mean . . . " a moment passed quietly "go on, its ok"  " well, I dont fear him. He ravages me, holds me down . . . He just . . . ." She stopped and looked away . . . " he what?" Joyce prodded, "he what?"  "He takes me . . . Like . . . .its hard to explain  . . . .like I belong to him"  "but you do not know who he is?"  "No, I mean . . . Its a dream right? . . . I cant say I know him, no, but . . . .theres this sense of . . . .I dont know how to explain it, I mean I wake up so . . .its just . . . .I have this sense of . . . .it seems so real and . . . ." She stopped and looked away again. "Ok, ok"  Joyce set her glasses back down, seeing that Renee was getting upset. "Heres what we're gonna do, I have a friend that specializes in sleep study, id like you to meet her". 

"Ok" Renee replied, brushing away almost ruined eye make-up, "If you think it will help".


End of part 1