The Story of Us

I have friends who post “11:11 Make a Wish” often. As today is 11/11/24 it’s important to recognize this as the day that she became mine… my boi always. Who would have thought that a chance meeting one night in the chat room would have changed the entire trajectory of my existence.  Not only is she my boi, she’s my best friend, confidant and most of all my wife and family. We are still madly in love, as if it were only a few days ago, rather than 5 years. Time moves fast when you don’t dread the sun rising every day and 5 years have flown by in the blink of an eye. 

Happiest of Collar-versarys, my beloved boi. Thank you for agreeing to be mine over and over again. I love you!

4 years ago today, I found you, my boi. I clicked on your profile when you entered the chat room and I immediately melted. Your adorable smile and the twinkle of mischief in your eyes made my heart go pitter patter. I never believed in love at first sight, but there you were and there is no denying that I knew it from the start.  We spent every waking hour (and some that we shouldn’t have been awake) chatting, talking, flirting and building a foundation to build our relationship. It seemed impossible… distance and timing were not on our side, we never gave up and here we are, living our forever. 

We now have what seems a million anniversaries to celebrate, but this one, the day I found my heart, is the most significant for me. Four years seems like a moment and I wonder when the “honeymoon” stage will end.  I am just as enamored of you since the very first time I saw your smile. Happy Anniversary, my boi, may our love continue to grow. I love you, always & forever…. You are my world. 💗

People are disgusting and full of utter fantasy bullshit and validating them makes you even worse….

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. 

Just a little click bait to draw you in..,.

Laura and I have big news to share with the friends we have made over the years here on The Cage..,...

We are now ENGAGED!!!  Laura popped the question on 4/9/21 and I couldn’t be happier!  It’s been a long beautiful journey from our very first chat In The Lobby to where we are now. I’m grateful for this place and for the ones who have loved and supported us. I can’t wait to share the rest of my life with my adorable, wonderful and amazing boi. 

it’s going to be a Cage wedding y’all!

Just because someone spins a glorious tale doesn’t mean they have the lifestyle experience that they claim or should be trusted. There’s a reason that fiction books sell 2-1 over non-fiction... people love the escape of a fantasy (including the authors)

Make sure that people can back up the claims they make.... in all aspects 

Honey..:: if you can’t just pick up the phone and call him... he’s married or in a relationship. Don’t convince yourself whatever silly ass story he told you was true... it’s NOT.  He doesn’t turn his phone off after work because he needs to decompress, he turns it off out of fear you will try to call or he doesn’t want his wife to see messages from you. 

If he won’t give you his real name... RUN... he’s hiding something. I’m ok with a grace period, but if a romantic or BDSM dynamic is blossoming, then he should provide you with his full name. If he won’t... he’s hiding something.... probably a wife. 

If he’s only messaging you and not calling or video chatting... something is fishy... probably his wife lol

iI most of your communication takes place while he’s at work or in the car,.. he’s attached to someone else.  

Start trusting your gut with this skeezy behaviors... I know you feel that something isn’t right. If it looks like a snake and feels like a snake... it likely is a damn snake.

Disclaimer:
I do not care if you cheat, that’s on you. What I do care about is the wreckage you leave on a naive innocent person that you’ve ghosted after making her promises of a future. If you are having relationships outside your marriage make it clear to people from the start instead of destroying someone who was foolish enough to fall for you in the first place. 

Also feel free to replace the pronouns and roles to suit. 

I’m feeling loquacious today and my love is knee deep in spread sheets and must not be disturbed... so I’ll dump it here. 

if someone has less than a year in the lifestyle they have no business mentoring, protecting or training anyone!  I realize we are in the age of online and The New Generation but this still is NOT ok. Tradition had a Dominant train under a respected and experienced Dominant, most were not permitted to put toy to the skin of another until they felt it themselves.  Now in this day and age, submissives are so desperate that they will hit their wagon to anyone that calls them “good girl”. The frenzy i mentioned in an earlier blog takes over amd the next thing you know you are being restrained incorrectly and harmed. (I’ve been there and I have the nerve damage  my hand to prove it)

if you are new, whatever side of the slash you are on get involved in your community, which is really easy right now because most munches are virtual. Do your own research.... NOT 50 Shades... there are so many great resources. I generally recommend anyone start with either The New Topping Book or The New Bottoming Book... hell read them both and get perspectives from both sides. Find an EXPERIENCED mentor... not someone who is a big shit talker but has had one submissive and less than a year of lifestyle experience. Get references. Find someone who can teach you the depth of your submission (or dominance) and isn’t just telling you about kinky sex. The mental part of a BDSM relationship is delicious and is often lost in the rush to get laid. 

Putting someone’s name in your brackets on a website isn’t worth how fucked up you can get from getting involved with the wrong person. By putting yourself under anyone’s control you can put yourself in danger.... even if it’s online.  Make sure you hold yourself to the highest standards and accept nothing less.

I've been thinking about chemistry a lot lately and how important it is to a healthy relationship.  I was in a long term vanilla relationship, this person was and will always be my very best friend.  I didn't break up with him because i hated him, I ended things because I just didn't feel the things he wanted me to feel for him... no matter how hard I tried.  It can't be forced, it either is there or it isn't.  It will not develop over time, you can't pretend that it's there.  I had hoped that the deep endearing affection was enough to sustain our relationship, but it just wasn't.  I craved that maddening feeling of desire for another person, to lose myself in them and it just wasn't there.  I ended things and it wasn't pretty but thankfully this person still cares for me (and I him) and I hope that we will forever be in each other's lives.

Chemistry is not to be confused with what we call sub or Dom Frenzy.  They can both be present but they are very separate things.  The frenzy, which at times seems all consuming, will hopefully wan over time as you settle into a relationship.  It's usually pretty obvious when someone is going through this period of obsession, although it seems to upset those that don't want to see it if it's pointed out.  I get it, BDSM is a rush, it's hedonistic and you want more!  Unfortunately, the fire in your pants often overtakes your good common sense and you don't see warning signs or red flags.  Sadly, I feel like more people get broken because they mistook frenzy for chemistry.  All the hot or sexy things experienced in those weeks of getting to know someone shadow the bullcrap!  Far too often you get to the point where communication starts to fall off and one is left wondering what happened to the "incredible" person they spent 15 hours a day texting or having lengthy phone calls.  I've seen so many people, on both sides of the slash, left broken by this exact situation.  The one thing you need to take from this.... It's NOT you!  We get so wrapped up in the hedonism that we forget that they are real people, with real problems.  Bills to pay, kids crying and jobs to go to... or perhaps the little tete a tete you've been indulging in is their escape from reality.  The anonymity of online relationships is a blessing and a curse, there is safety in being to hide much of your life from a stranger... BUT.... what are you hiding?  A spouse/partner?  10 kids?  Crippling debt?  Criminal past?  As we shift even farther into online/virtual relationships this becomes even more of a reality.  I have no issues with online relationships but it seems easier to slip more quickly into a relationship with a complete stranger this way.

I have had chemistry with others, but none as such with my current partner.  We started online and I was smitten with her from the first chat we had.  I was experiencing some frenzy I'm sure but I felt a drawing to her that could not be denied.  We got to know each other over months... We met online in July and did not have our first in person meeting until November.  We logged more hours on chat,text and phone than I would dare try to calculate.  It was October before we had our first video chat, I guess you could say we took things kinda slow.  It was hard because we both felt the chemistry, but for once I wanted to know that all that I felt was real and I was willing to give it the time needed to be sure.  Our first meeting was amazing (and somewhat hilarious) and our chemistry was undeniable and it remains so today, a year and 4 months later with a cross country move and a death that we supported one another through. She's the last thought at night and the first in the morning.  We just spent 5 days together as I was off work and she works from home and what came out of that much time together is that I want more and when I'm at work, only .8 miles away it feels like I'm a million miles away from her.  It shouldn't feel this wonderful, but it does, always has and I'm so grateful for it.  When we are intimate it's as if we are lost in a world of our own... and when we finish we both want even more.  That's the chemistry... what I always searched for... I found it and it was worth sifting through multiple relationships and years of wanting.

I guess I want to say, don't settle because it's sexy and hot at the beginning.  Reserve giving your whole being to someone until the frenzy starts to wear off and the masks start to slip.  Open your eyes and see that ugly too, we tend to ignore those things when our hormones are raging.  The "ugly" doesn't mean that it should end but if you still feel the draw to that person despite all of the everyday bullshit, then maybe you do have chemistry. Stop painting pretty pictures in hope that you will be desired or loved more... life isn't sunshine and roses all the time, and anyone that wants to share your time will understand that and be supportive.  This goes for both face to face or online relationships.  Quit giving it all and getting your heart broken by someone you didn't take the time to get to know!  You deserve better and anyone worth being in a relationship will agree and give it the time that you both deserve.

I wish you joy, peace and LOTS of kinky fuckery.... I hope that you find the one that you can't keep your hands off 30 years from now.  You deserve it, everyone does. 

I said after our one year anniversary I wouldn't be writing about every single milestone, but since today is our first "Collar-Versary" I thought that it required a blog post.

One year ago Laura agreed to come on an impromptu visit to see me in Atlanta.  We were already a couple and collared for all intents and purposes, but had not had a face to face meeting yet.  She shared that she had an extra day off and I asked if she wanted to come visit and even though she said "let me sleep on it", before we ended our chat that night she agreed to come that weekend.  I was so on pins and needles waiting for her and when I saw her step off that escalator I knew right away that everything I had felt for her was real.  We just fit together so beautifully and we spent the next few days in a beautiful pink bubble.  In the wee early morning of 11/11/19 she knelt and accepted my collar officially and we haven't looked back or regretted anything.  

Every day we press forward to the future, to the betterment of relationship, dynamic and lives.  She challenges me to be a better person and one of the things you taught me the most is that I only have to be ME and to not change to please anyone.  I've also learned to slow down and enjoy life more.  Also, it's ok to be vulnerable and let someone take care of me for the first time in my life.  She has forever earned my love, devotion, trust and my collar.  She's not just my submissive... she's my partner, my heart and the thing I've been missing my entire life.

Laura,
Thank you, my darling boi.  I am honored that you are mine and look forward to our many years together.  I have no regrets chasing you ... from The Cage chat room... all the way across the country to Colorado.  Even in the darkest moments you have brought so much light and joy to my life.  You were the person I didn't know that I needed but now I cannot imagine a moment without you.  

Happiest of Collar-Versaries, my love

Slow snowy day at work... do your worst!

Credit given to Alpha Wolfe. 

“So, I've been trying to think of ways to engage the cage a bit more. Chat to more people and such. 

I was reminded today of an old thing people used to do, or maybe they still do, called AMA (Ask me anything). 

So here's my idea. You (whoever you are) can ask me three questions. As general or as specific as you want. I'll do my best to answer all, but if it's something I reaaaallllyyyy don't wanna answer, I hope you'll understand. Open to comments or messages.

Maybe even keep this idea going and do your own AMA.”