I was diagnosed 8 months ago with severe depression and bunch of other stuff I dont wanna talk about. I had it for a year and a half I refused medication as my parents dont know and I dont want to tell them and I don't really have the money to buy the medication which is expensive
The point I am getting to that the only time I stop thinking about all the shit in my life is when I am doing a thing related to being a sub where I get physical pain so I can forget about my real pain and lwithosing all the control to someone and being a dom where I feel I have all the control not like my life where I have no control and everything is just so fucked up
Whenever I have suicidal thoughts I just think about being with someone whom I love and care about and she do love and care about me In a relationship where we can share control and make things right together amd make each other strong
But it's just a Dream I know it won't happen and I don't know why am I even fighting anymore?