Pieces of Me

I thought I would interrupt my regularly scheduled program and update a blog I did a few years ago about my journey. I haven’t read it since I left the cage the last time, and I’ve decided to keep my eyes away from it, so I wouldn’t be biased in what I write here.

     First off, thank you for taking time time to read this. In spite of my past personality issues, which admittedly creates distrust and a very guarded attitude around me, I cannot be anyone other than who I am now, and that includes being transparent, authentic, genuine, honest, and sincere with anyone around me, but more importantly with myself.

     I get it. I am not an easy person to be around, in fact, I am a lot. I am a lot to be around. I am intense and aggressive, I have a strong will, and generally stay on a path once I’ve decided on it (think of Newton’s laws of physics). I come across as cold and distant, unless you’re close to me, I sound harder than I intend to, and have a perpetual resting asshole face look…unless we are close. For those in my very inner circle, especially for the one I’m in a relationship with. I laugh, I relax, I’m very thoughtful and intentional. I care very, very deeply and give all of myself to her. To her, I am protective, passionate, and I cherish her more than anything I hold dear (and, yes, I am sappy…go figure.)

     I was misdiagnosed with BPD. CPTSD can present in very similar ways than BPD. That doesn’t mean I have more or less faults, just correcting the record. I tend to hyper-focus on things. I do have a lot of rabbit trails I chase in my head, either that or the hamsters got some really good cocaine. 🤷🏻‍♂️

As far as a relationship goes, I don’t think I’m even close to being ready for that. I’m trying to transition to being a retail stock market trader and need to focus on my growth and new path, although I am open to getting to know people and making friends. If you read my blogs/stories, those are things in envision in a dynamic. I like protocols, rituals, rules, and structure. They all serve a purpose and should be built on trust, mutual respect, adoration, and good communication. What I crave is depth, to know someone and to be known so deeply…to reach into her soul and see her darkness, her fears, to see her shame, and to embrace them with her…and her, me.

     Speaking of communication, I am a firm believer in active listening, and honesty. Enough rambling for now, thanks for coming to Bishop’s Corner (ha, the new Ted Talk).

     Given the cultural mores of today, people might look at us and believe I am the bitch in the relationship…oh, how little they know. We arrive downtown at the restaurant and you wait for me to open your door and help you out of the vehicle. We walk toward the entrance, my hand on the small of your back guiding you, and yes, I open that door as well and guide you inside. You’ve learned not to reach for doors around me, I’ve beat your ass red many times for doing so. When we get to our table, I pull your chair out and let you ease into it…I’m sure your ass is still sore. When we both decide what we want, you do me the honor and tell the waiter what we are each having.

     Anyone who understands would look at me and see the intensity in which I look at you, almost like I’m willing you to feel me from across the table. No, Pet, I am definitely not your bitch. It was just a sort time ago I decided that you needed to me inside of you, hard, rough, intense, and right fucking now. Of course you struggled a bit and objected, that’s our game. But when you felt me against you and knew how much I wanted to possess you, to claim you, you knew you had no other option. You belong to me, I own you. Bent over the bathroom sink, you looked at me in the mirror while I manhandled you, and pushed my cock into your ass. The pressure was strong, the resistance fighting me…I like that. Of course, I encouraged you to play with that pussy I own while I sunk my teeth into your shoulder and took what was mine. Ass fucking can be very intimate, but you submit to me, and as I’m ready to cum, take me in your mouth. What you don’t swallow drips onto your chest and I tell you to leave it…let everyone know that you are mine. I know you didn’t cum, I didn’t give you permission….but I really like watching you, your fingers or toys on your clit, in that tight cunt, watching you move your hips and hearing you moan…damn, that gets me every time. But we have to go. So you put your dress on and finish getting ready.

     It’s not quite dark as we drive down the road, I can smell you, how wet you are, the ache must be maddening because your hands are between your legs and I can see your fingers sliding in and out of your cunt. I reach over and pull the top of your dress down, exposing your tits to anyone driving by…I whisper, “Go ahead, Pet, cum for me.” 
     While we are eating, I look at you, and ask, “So, are your panties still wet?” And you shift in your seat, blush a little and smile, reminded that they are, because I told you to stuff them inside your cunt.

     They just don’t understand, those people around us, and they never will.

     He just finished getting ready to leave the house when his phone signaled she had sent a text, "I'm sorry, Sir. I just couldn't wait." was all it said.  He walked out to his car, "Yes, she will have to be punished for this" he thought to himself, a slight smile appearing on his face. He lived only minutes from her house, conveniently on his way to work. He quietly pulled into her driveway, got out, and walked up to her front door. When he opened the door, he refrained from showing any emotion with the sight he beheld in the dimly lit living room. There she was, leaning back in a rocking chair, her ass on the edge and her legs were spread. She had removed one leg from her pants, but the fabric remained bunched up at the ankle of her other leg, her underwear nestled inside her pants. Her shirt was still intact and pulled down, her hands were between her legs, massaging her cunt and clit. She was focused on the TV screen not six feet in front of her; two women, touching, caressing, kissing...enjoying each other.  As she watched the screen, he could see her eyes, narrow and sightly glazed over, her mouth open just a little, and her breathing was a little heavier. When he walked in, she looked over at him and whispered, "I'm sorry, Sir. It feels soo good."

     He gently closed the door and slowly walked over to the side of her chair. He glanced at the screen and then down at this beautiful creature laying below him. He leaned over, cupped her chin with two fingers and raised he face to look at his. At the same time, his other hand snaked under hers and felt how utterly drenched her cunt was, and pushed two fingers inside her, causing her to gasp. "Yes," He said, "you will have to be punished. But right now I want you to enjoy yourself." He continued to fuck her with two of his fingers, curling them and rubbing the top of her pussy. She covered his hand with one of hers, trying to push him deeper, at the same time stroking her clit with her other hand. Her breathing became more labored, her mouth opened a little more, as she watched intently what was happening on the TV screen. As her back arched, he could tell she was getting close. She looked into his eyes and whispered, "Please, Sir," almost pleading with him.  He extracted his fingers from inside her,  stood up, and said, "You may continue playing with yourself." As he did so, he unzipped his pants, took his cock out, and gently pushed it past her wet lips and into her warm mouth. Taking a handful of her hair, he began to thrust himself in and out of her mouth. Hungrily she accepted, like someone ravenous for food, starving for nourishment.  He whispered, "Fuck yourself, you little cunt. Swallow my cock, feed on it, Pet." That was all she needed, her moans increased and her breathing became erratic as the waves of release washed over her, causing her body to stiffen and her wetness to drench her fingers.

     Without waiting for her to recover, he grabbed her hips and flipped her over so she was on her knees, her waist on the edge of the chair. Without removing his clothes, he knelt down behind her, put one hand around her throat, and shoved himself into her. He leaned over and grunted in her ear, "Dirty little girls who cannot wait do not deserve gentleness. Are you my naughty little slut?" As he began thrusting harder, she groaned, "Yes, Sir...I'm your little slut." He put his other hand on her shoulder, both to steady himself and to pull her back onto him, his other hand squeezing under her jaw, just below the ears. "Please, fuck me, cum in me, Sir" she whispered in between thrusts..."Use me."  She then felt him stiffen, his hands squeezing tighter, as he exploded inside of her. Breathlessly he slumped forward, caressing her cheek, "Such a good girl, my beautiful Pet, I'll punish you later." He whispered.