M/s 24/7

What do you think?

2 years ago. October 2, 2022 at 7:12 PM

I don't understand something. Maybe it's because we've been Poly for a long time.... not sure..

I have a good friend of mine who is in a new relationship. They just bought a house together after being together for like 3 months. So they're cleaning out the old house and the new girlfriend has stuff in there from previous relationships.

Sex toys, lingerie, notes and those sorts of things . And my friend is losing her shit.

I don't understand this, it wasn't like her new girlfriend lied to my friend about her past. My friend knew about her past and as they're cleaning out the old house of course there's gonna be this stuff.

My friend wants to talk to me about it and I don't really know what to tell them except-- get your shit together. Everybody has a right to their past. And you are emotionally punishing your new girlfriend for hers.

That Is what I'm thinking I want to say but I'd love to hear what you guys think.

I would love to here what you would say to to a friend who came to you because they are losing their shit because they're finding ex's stuff in the new girlfriend's house.

fluffypoppet(sub female){Protected} - Everyone has feelings. It is healthy to process your feelings…. it might be ok to communicate your feelings too. BUT, with a clear understanding that your feelings are not meant to punish the other person for things that happened before you came along.

2 years ago

diversteve(dom male) - Seen it before. The eww gross because you dated that person then I won't date you.
Some people want the fresh and clean image in their mind.
They do not want to know what they have to compete against from the past because it might have been better. If it wa they might go back. Or use them to remind themselves of the other person.
The ex was a better lover than you.
It's an ego thing. They should be glad they have some one.

2 years ago

MasterBear(other butch) - For me this is like a serious red flag in relationships.

Any thoughts on what you wpuld say?

2 years ago

HisJuguete(sub female) - These are my thoughts;
1. Who buys a house with someone when they’ve only been together for 3 months?! That’s not even enough time to know if you’re going to last in the relationship.
2. You knew I was in a previous relationship so why all of a sudden the issue with it
3. It’s only been 3 months that we’ve been together of course I’m still going to have things around from my previous relationship.
With the said, I understand your friend’s frustration but the way they’re handling it by “losing their shit” is extreme. I would be open with your friend but forewarn them that what you say is out of love for them, in no way are you being judgmental. What would they do if the tables were turned? Would they feel the need to throw everything away as soon as a relationship was over? It’s not always so easy.
Again, these are just my thoughts.

2 years ago

DeepEmbrace(dom female) - That is what got me, as well!!!! Who the hell is buying a house with someone after knowing them 3 months???? Takes "uhauling" to a whole 'nother level.

2 years ago

Bunnie - The fundamentals of these behaviours in any of us, are fear. That means that rather than living in the present we’re either living in the past or the future. Anxiety usually suggests it’s the future. Maybe ask them what’s making them so raw and fearful?

2 years ago

MasterBear(other butch) - Thanl you both!!!

2 years ago

DeepEmbrace(dom female) - Everyone is entitled to their past, their memories, their life. Some collect and accumulate mementos and things. Some don't. Some discard everything or just some things when a relationship ends; some discard nothing. Neither way is right or wrong. What is wrong is trying to rip someone past and memories away from them and dictate what they can and cannot hold on to physically, mentally, emotionally.

2 years ago

MasterBear(other butch) - YES!!! THANK YOU!

2 years ago

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MasterBear​(other butch)

M/s 24/7

What do you think?

MasterBear(other butch)