Since I have left my toxic work environment, I have gained so much freedom. But I'm not quite sure if it's a good thing.
My partner and I have recently decided on a transition in my life becoming more me focused. This means my spare time is focused on doing what I want when I want. This is something I've never really had the ability to do....ever. Because of this, my anxiety is in overdrive.
I have always craved this freedom from an early age and now that I have it I'm terrified. I am scared that my partner has to take on the financial responsibility for both of us. But most of all I am scared that I will fail.
For those of you that don't know, I am what some would call a creative spirit. With this spirit comes the crafting of many different artistic media. What I hope to establish, with the support of my Dom, is a successful career using these collective skills. But I am so scared to try.
I do not want to disappoint my Dom or leave us both in a spot that we can not recover from. So for now I take on the responsibility of homemaker. But recently even that has become a struggle. It takes every part of my being to establish a task, let alone pick up a brush and paint.
I have talked to my partner about the new fear I feel with all this new freedom. I just don't know how to process it. There is just too much guilt and fear attached and I don't know what to do.