Cant do this

deep down I have never felt free like I have while exploring this with my recent partner it hurts when u feel ur not enough as a young man I’ve always been upbeat and hard working I’ve been on my own for years and done it mostly by myself and with the help of others I helped when I could I never thought I could be brought so low and feel so small several weeks ago I was one of the most confidant positive people I was happy I had a best friend who was my lover and I found that this life was amazing for me with her though I just want to know and the thing that bothers me the most is I know people say it gets easier but having struggled so long I feel I’m not built as strong as I thought I just  am sad that most everyone says it’s gonna get easier and I smile and agree but maybe some of us aren’t built like that I know many young adults my age and younger might be able to let go that easy but when the word love comes out and in the end u question everything about yourself down to the core because u never actually know if it was love or a joke or if u were ever worth anything to them u feel small like a burden confidence is replaced with insecurity’s and for some pain gets easier every day and For some who have had to deal especially alone over and over again to meet someone who opens your life and desires and reignited my hope of. Pos future won’t even talk to u look at u u weren’t even worth talking to about your feelings and actually fixing things so for anyone on here who isn’t doing these things for any of the right reasons the pain hurts and my opinion is it never goes away we just naturally numb up to survive and cope but how is it possible to move forward why try even though I know u can’t make someone love u you can’t make them stay or trust you but never forget some of us that say we love really mean it to the core and it might take awhile and even myself I get hard to love but don’t abandone anyone never leave them alone even if u hate the sight of them we make choices everyday to sacrifice for those we say we love I feel like I’m just crying. On here but truthfully I only had this blog to talk to my love never fades if I say I love u I will always try be there even if it’s been years or they did me bad or I did them it doesn’t get easier for me I just refuse to let my issues bother others because when I talk about it at all that does is make people I care about worry and I just needed to talk my heart hurts and I don’t know if or even how it’s possible to open up again but deep down i know that love was there in this thing we did and got to experience together I just wish I knew if trying again is worth it or if I was just one of those people that wasn’t meant to find happiness and if I do I mess it up eventually but sometimes hopes hard to come by difficult to see I just hope I can find some hope sometime soon