Cant do this

one thing that bothers me a lot probably is people telling me they see her and where and I know I’m being avoided but is it my fault am I that toxic of a human u have to change all your routes and where u stay eat go out drink I would probably go catatonic if she even saw me I wish I wasn’t educated and I wish I was smarter at the same time to me mistakes and flaws are part of us scars and lord knows we all have some need to just like in real life have to be cleaned talked about and taken care of if it’s ignored and others allow that by not wanting to tell you the truth and what u need to hear cause they love u as protectors they will think they can help but these are things we need to deal with with professionals and our partners the person u love who’s your best friend who you know will tell u the truth and be with you the whole way I have always loved more than I should even as a kid and even if I can’t stand to look at those people I will sacrifice and stay with them even when they don’t think I would or even should always care and fight enough that even though You push people away You love enough to stay no matter what and help sort through and get help for the things you and they need and deal with the frustrations of you don’t all that poison spreads slowly through u day by day and then it’s when your hurt by something or someone that if u don’t deal or fix things that pain is used to hurt even unknowingly the people that care and love for u the most I may burn bridges cause hurt people hurt people but If I even heard u call my name he’ll and high water I will be there don’t change yourself or life or fav places and routines I’m not that important I feel like I caused u so much pain and trouble I hate hearing these things from people and this feeling of regret and heartache for missing you I miss u but I won’t make u feel like u have to stay or use fear all I have is love even though I’m very hard to love sometimes I can promise I’ll be there till the end but till then I’ll wait here for awhile by myself waiting for a distant call