Indecipherable Scrawlings

So today there was a season discussion about which monster we'd like to be.  Obviously the subject of vampires came up pretty quickly.  One of my coworkers was surprised when I dismissed being one pretty much out of hand.

"Why?"  They asked.

"No heart beat means no blood flow...means no blood rushing to certain places.  What's the point in immortality if nothing will arise?"

There was a moment of silence at that before a horrified look spread across another colleague's face, "Wait.  Does that mean if you die...hard, you'll stay hard for all eternity?"

"Would explain why Dracula needed three wives."