Do you think you’ve seen her naked because she took her clothes off? You’ve kissed her lips, and you’ve climbed inside her. Somehow you think that’s enough to know and love someone. Tell me about her nightmares. The ones that have her twitching next to you as you snore on, oblivious.
Look down at your unblemished hands and tell me how many times you’ve cut yourself on the pieces of her broken heart.
Tell me why she paints, Why she writes, Why she takes long baths?
Tell me about her life, her childhood. Tell me about the first man who broke her heart. Tell me about her demons, and her fears. Tell me about her insecurities and the conversations she has with herself.
Tell me about everything she wants from life. Tell me all the tiny little things she’s wished upon a star for. Tell me why her favorite city is her favorite city. Tell me why she flinches, ever so slightly, when you call her beautiful.
Tell me all the little things you hate about her, and I’ll tell you why I love them. Tell me about her darkness, and I’ll tell you about her light. No, my friend, you may have seen her body, but you have still yet to see her naked.
* Bring It On Home Daddy ~ Ted Hawkins ~ Watch Your Step
* Good Feeling ~ Violent Femmes ~ Violent Femmes
* Love You Madly ~ Cake ~ Comfort Eagle
* Ten Years Gone ~ Jimmy Page, The Black Crowes ~ Live At The Greek
* Here Comes The Night ~ Lulu ~Something To Shout About
* The Worlds Strongest Man ~ Scott Walker ~ Scott 4
* You've Really Got A Hold On Me ~ The Small Faces ~ From The Beginning
* Happiness Is A Warm Gun ~The Beatles ~ The Beatles
* I know It's Over ~ The Smiths ~ The Queen Is Dead
* It's All Over Now Baby Blue ~ The Animals~ Before We Were So Rudely Interrupted
* Not Dark Yet ~ Bob Dylan~ Time Out Of Mind
~ Not Dark Yet ~ Bob Dylan
Shadows are falling and I’ve been here all-day It’s too hot to sleep, time is running away Feel like my soul has turned into steel I’ve still got the scars that the sun didn’t heal There’s not even room enough to be anywhere It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there
Well, my sense of humanity has gone down the drain Behind every beautiful thing, there’s been some kind of pain She wrote me a letter and she wrote it so kind She put down in writing what was in her mind I just don’t see why I should even care It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there
Well, I’ve been to London and I’ve been to gay Paree I followed the river and I got to the sea I’ve been down at the bottom of a world full of lies I ain’t looking for nothing in anyone’s eyes Sometimes my burden seems more than I can bear It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there
I was born here and I’ll die here against my will I know it looks like I’m moving, but I’m standing still Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb I can’t even remember what it was I came here to get away from Don’t even hear a murmur of a prayer It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there
It's like an addiction to her pleasure. Drawing out moans that have been silenced. Hearing how she goes from angel to animal for him. Watching how her innocence quickly changes into something primal. He needs her nails digging into him. Her teeth drew blood. He needs her body flooding his sheets and stained with her scent. He needs to be drenched in her need for him. He needs her aggression and to inflict sweet pain. He needs the way they fuck to be both soft and full of fury. Tenderly tormenting her. He needs her urgency and her demons dancing beside his. She's addicted to only the pleasure he can give her. The way they swallow down each other's darkness with such ease.
My mind is, in my opinion, my most valuable asset. My submissive soul and the hardwired need in my core to serve and please mixed with the depths of my imagination provide endless opportunities for exploration. Most men can make a woman’s body respond and elicit orgasms, but the rare man with the insight and ability to lead and control her mind will own something much deeper.
Hey, men. MEN!!! *taps on-screen* Hello? Testing… one, two, three, testing… Is this thing on?
Yes, I’m talking to you. I need you to pay close attention to something I’m about to tell you, and I’m pretty sure a large percentage of the female population is going to thank me for it. Now, to be clear, SOME of you don’t need this message. I’ve met a few. Some of you have done the (arguably agreeable) research, and have also had honest (we’ll get to that later) partners. But for the rest of you? Listen up.
Contrary to what the porn industry (and some partners… REALLY going to address that later) have told you, guess what? Women, to the tune of 70% (yes, that’s ACTUAL data, not a number I just pulled out of my ass), do not have an orgasm through intercourse alone. I feel like I should repeat that… NOT THROUGH INTERCOURSE ALONE. Quit blinking and shaking your head… yes, you read that right. So for those of you who thought that repeatedly inserting tab A into slot B would do the trick… it won’t.
There is this lovely little (well, usually little… I have seen some whoppers that, in all honesty, I can’t quite wrap my head around, but kind of like the old song says… ‘every clit is beauuuuuuutiful…. In its own wayyyyyy.’) a thing called the clit. Clitoris. Say it with me now… CLIT-OR-IS. This little goody is tucked away at the top of the girly bits beneath a wee thing called the hood. It has, per square inch, more nerve endings than any other part of human anatomy, and two to four TIMES the nerve endings of the head of your cock. Let that sink in a minute… Do you know how good it feels when your girl licks or sucks or even BREATHES ON the head of your cock? Imagine that multiplied by FOUR. (…) You just got hard, didn’t you? Anyway. I don’t blame you if you are surprised by this information. In 2005 a study of college students (of all ages) showed that 29% of females and 25% of males couldn’t find and label the clit on an enlarged anatomy drawing. How freaking frightening is that? Pretty sure that 100%of them knew where the head of the cock was, for fuck’s sake. It’s not like the clit is Wonder Woman’s airplane… invisible to the naked eye (though how no one ever saw HER bright red and blue ass bouncing around the friendly skies is beyond me… but that’s another discussion). It’s there, it can be found pretty damned easily, and it is certainly responsive to attention. Trust.
So 70% of women you will run across while looking to either find a partner or a playmate? Will only achieve orgasm through prolonged clitoral stimulation. Now, to add to your state of mind-blown ness (yes, I made up the word… it works, so just adapt), I have another fun and relevant fact for you. Ready? Contrary to what porn and some women (yeah, we’re ALMOST to that part) have convinced you of, guess what the average length of time of SUSTAINED clitoral stimulation until orgasm is? Just take a guess. From personal experience, it seems most of y’all think it’s maybe, oh… three minutes, max. If a girl is lucky. But in fact, the average length of time is 20 minutes. AVERAGE. (…) TWENTY MINUTES. To boil that down a bit, that means some of you may get a girl off in three minutes, but some of you? It may take forty. But the majority of us are going to rest in the 15 to 25-minute range. Let that simmer for a bit, too.
This massive campaign of misinformation that has led the majority of you to think that women orgasm from straight intercourse and after only a few minutes has a couple of primary sources, and a fair number of lesser ones. Porn (let’s face it, it IS a male-dominated field, both in production and purchase, so it’s no wonder that it panders to the opinion/desire/ease of the male consumer) is tied for first place in culprits. Every woman loses her MIND in multiple and loud orgasms just from some man shoving his cock in her. I envy the woman, in some ways, that can do this, but it is NOT realistic. Not even remotely. Sadly, though, the myth is perpetuated and easily absorbed by each young generation of porn watchers as they come of age. So what happens when they meet and get naked with a woman who has an actual and normal physical response/time requirement? They think one of two things… either she’s defective, or their skills suck. (…) Yeah, how many of us think that any person, male OR female, would choose to think the latter option? Nope, men in large numbers latch on to the former, assigning blame to the poor woman who can’t orgasm the way that porn taught them women can. But as much to blame as porn is, there is an equal if not larger culprit…
Ladies. *shakes screen* Yes, ladies I’m talking to you. Not ALL of you, though of course, I welcome you all to listen, but the ones I need to hear this? Those of you who fake orgasms. You know who you are. Don’t EVEN try and play like you’re not out there. As a woman myself (surprise, surprise!), I have had countless girlfriends who have readily admitted, when the menfolk aren’t around, that they often and with abandon fake orgasms. Me? I haven’t faked one since I was, oh, I don’t know… 20, maybe? I just hit a point early on of seeing the futility of it, and that it wasn’t getting me what I wanted. It doesn’t make me any better than anyone else, to be clear, but it at least clears me of perpetuating the MYTH of the easy and intercourse-driven orgasm. I have asked my girlfriends, repeatedly, why they fake orgasms with their playmates/partners, and generally I get one of two answers…
1) “I just don’t want him to feel bad like he failed.” - Okay, I get this, to a point, but there’s a problem. He DID fail. I don’t mean that as an indictment like he’s a bad person or beyond hope or even lazy… I mean he failed to hit the goal, period, with no personal attack involved. And a big part of WHY he failed is because a large group of women keeps TELLING him he’s doing it right… how the fuck is he supposed to learn it’s not going the way it could/should/might if all he’s hearing is that it’s all rainbows and unicorns?
2) “I was just ready for things to be done, so if I make him think I had an orgasm, he’ll finish quickly and be done with it.” Now, to be clear to the men, this does NOT always mean ‘ready to be done’ in a negative way toward you, like the woman was bored/over it/rather be painting her toenails. Not at all. Sometimes our parts just get sore, we get tired, we need a break, etc. Unfortunately, a lot of women have chosen to lie about having an orgasm rather than just TELL YOU that they ARE sore, ARE tired, and DO need a break. This is NOT your fault! As women, we should be open and honest about where we’re at, both physically and mentally/emotionally. Faking an orgasm as a shortcut around doing that sharing? Is doing NO ONE any favors.
Now, there are men out there who know everything that I’ve just shared and are simply too lazy or selfish to be bothered to do what it takes to see to their partner’s pleasure. But I FIRMLY believe that this is NOT the case with most men. I will repeat that, for clarity… MOST MEN ARE NOT LAZY OR SELFISH LOVERS. They simply don’t realize it. And this creates several obvious problems. But the problems aren’t JUST for men…
As a female, I spent the overwhelming majority of my life believing there was something wrong with me. I couldn’t orgasm easily, and not through intercourse. I believed I was SUPPOSED to be able to do both of these things. Not only because of how men treated me (like a defective model, and a burden), but because (in my younger years) women weren’t sharing that they were faking, so as far as I knew? They WERE all having these fast and easy-to-achieve orgasms. I developed a huge complex. This causes…
Men complain that too many women ‘get in their head too much’ and can’t cum like they’re ‘supposed to’. Well, the former statement is true, and the latter is bullshit (as we’ve established). Yes, some of us (a great many of us) get in our heads a lot. It is almost always (not always, but close) due to the pressures and criticisms placed upon us for having normal body responses vs the imaginary/overstated ones that we’ve been talking about before this. We internalize this like crazy, and as soon as a man starts going down on us, our minds start circling and fretting about how long it will take us, how he’s probably ALREADY disappointed just because he’s HAVING to go down on us versus us being able to orgasm through the tab A and slot B thing, how guilty we feel over how much work we are, etc. Does ANY of that sound conducive to orgasm? DOES it? Yet the very men who helped give us the complex that drove us into our heads? Bitch about us being in our heads. Well, I have a news flash for you, fellas… WE DON’T LIKE IT, EITHER!
Is the other part of us getting in our heads? Bad behavior by partners. I had a man look up at me once from between my legs, after (at MOST) three minutes of half-heartedly applying his mouth and tongue to the general vicinity of my clit, and ask me, “Are you even CLOSE to cumming yet?” (…) Well, even if I HAD been, no, I certainly wasn’t now, Mr. Orgasm Killer. And no, I’m not kidding for the sake of writing humor to drive home a point… that REALLY happened, and I wish to GOD I could say it was the only time that the same or very similar had taken place. Now, the irony is that if men removed all pressure, simply enjoyed the process of making their female partners feel good, and made sure the women knew that they LIKED doing that to/for her, and had NO time expectations, nor even the GOAL of orgasm… just a pleasurable act that they were, in turn, taking pleasure in? That orgasm they want would happen, organically, a FUCK of a lot closer to the time that they were WISHING it did.
Okay, I know a lot of people are probably all butthurt over what I’ve written here. Men feeling offended, women defensive, blah blah blah. But I will clarify this one last time… I don’t think, by and large, anyone had malicious intentions in either creating or promoting the orgasm expectation that exists for women. I do NOT think MOST men are lazy and selfish. I do not think MOST women realized the repercussions of their actions while pretending to orgasm to save the feelings of their partners. I wrote this in a funny/sarcastic way a) because it’s my style, and b) because I think that will make the content more digestible and memorable than if I’d just rattled off facts and a plea of ‘please stop doing that’ to everyone.
One final note, in closing…
Orgasms are awesome. They are. No denying it. The earth moves, the air roars, the thunder rolls… blah blah blah. But people… it’s the JOURNEY to orgasm that is where the mind is most blown. It’s where the majority of our time is spent, and it’s where all our pleasure plateaus are sustained. The orgasm is here and gone in a heartbeat… or close to it. But the time of intense pleasure leading up to that? Can last as long as we want it to. Take the pressure of orgasm down a notch and just… walk the path, enjoy the figurative walk through the garden. Taste the skin at the small of her back. Nibble that tender, reactive place by his pelvic bone. Kneel and stare into his eyes for endless moments. Bathe her. So many things, such endless options… embrace them all, and leave the pressure out of things. The orgasm will arrive the better for it.
2 years ago. Wednesday, February 22, 2023 at 4:07 AM
1. TRUST AND COMMUNICATION ARE THE KEYS TO MAKING SM OR D/S WORK.
People make errors, most often out of ignorance. Trust depends on honest communication. Incomplete negotiation is an error, but dishonesty during negotiation is abusive manipulation. Errors are forgivable, and manipulation or coercion are indefensible. Trust is a precious gift that once violated is hard to restore.
2. BOTH DOMINANT AND SUBMISSIVE ARE HUMAN BEINGS EQUAL IN VALUE AND WORTH.
They are halves of a whole, yin, and yang. Neither can function as dominant or submissive without the other. Before a submissive can wisely transfer power, they must empower themselves. It's a cliche but a true one, that you can't love another before you love yourself. You also can't trust another before you learn to trust yourself. And you certainly can't give devotion to another person, unless you respect yourself.
It is important to understand the difference between fantasy and reality. While in fantasy the person may be merely a lowly slave, a pet, a fucktoy, or whatever makes you hot; in reality, the submissive is a human being of value and worth of respect.
3. THE CONTROL ASSUMED EQUALS THE RESPONSIBILITY ACCEPTED.
A dominant must understand that a person in a submissive state of mind during a scene is operating in a state of diminished capacity and their ability to make decisions is severely compromised. This is precisely the point of transferring control. This is why it is important to negotiate carefully before a scene. A submissive is entrusting his body, mind, and spirit to the dominant's care, which in my mind is a sacred covenant. If you aren't willing to accept responsibility for your actions, don't accept the power.
4. A DOM(ME) HAS ONLY THE POWER GIVEN TO HIM/HER BY CONSENT OF THE SUBMISSIVE.
The Dom can't decide unilaterally to take more control and the sub can't unilaterally decide that they want more control than is agreed to in the negotiation. However, both people have veto power, either can stop the power exchange at any time. Any changes in level, duration, or circumstances of control must be agreed to when both people are in a calm rational non-scene state of mind. Whether the agreement is for one scene or for a relationship this remains so.
Sex without consent is R8pe Beating without consent is an assault A safe word in a scene is the withdrawal of consent! To play without a safe word increases the responsibility of the dominant rather than lessons it!!! This is something I would strongly advise against in most cases, especially outside of a long-term committed relationship. Safe words are *more* than ever needed in "punishment" scenes, rather than less because when the immediate pleasure of the submissive is of lower priority, it is more difficult for the Dom to know when enough is enough or if something has gone wrong.
5. A RELATIONSHIP THAT WORKS FOR ONE PERSON TO THE DETRIMENT OF ANOTHER IS ABUSIVE.
Again, it is important to remember the difference between fantasy and reality. While the sub may be lesser in importance in fantasy, in reality, their wants and needs are of equal importance. The submissive is transferring control and decision-making to the dominant to be used for BOTH their benefit.
Life doesn't come with a guarantee, when one gives trust there is always the chance of that trust being misused. With care, one can reduce the risk somewhat. But no matter how careful or not a person has been, this in no way excuses the abuse. DO NOT BLAME THE VICTIM. Frequently people fear talking about abuse because of negative responses... it becomes as if the victim is abused twice when this occurs. People who make excuses for abusers are enablers that compound the problem.
2 years ago. Tuesday, February 21, 2023 at 5:06 AM
Every man wants to know what women really want. This task seems impossible since we’re obviously from different planets. Since there is no “Mars - Venus” dictionary, I believe honestly that both sexes will remain mysterious but familiar to each other. We have good and bad qualities, but are there universal qualities that women look for in their partners?
1. Kind And Caring Women want a man who is kind and caring. They want someone who will be their best friend, a partner, and equal. Above all, they want someone who makes them feel good.
2. Brains, Brains, Brains Intelligence is sexy and smart men simply captivate women. Whether it’s informing them about the newest restaurant opening or teaching them something we didn’t know about baseball, they like someone from whom they can learn. Women enjoy feeling enlightened.
3. Sense Of Humor Being funny makes men more attractive to women. There’s no science about it; it’s just a fact. One hundred percent of women appreciate a man who is witty. If you can make a woman laugh, she’ll almost always think you’re awesome.
4. Faithful It shouldn’t even have to be said here, but so many men think they can get away with being unfaithful and have it not affect them. You will never be respected once you’ve been unfaithful and there is absolutely no excuse for it.
5. Charisma Charisma is defined as having swagger, being spunky and possessing a certain Je ne sais crois, or just not being “vanilla. "Whichever definition you prefer, women love a charming man. When you have a big personality, women find you irresistible.
6. Balance Leading a balanced lifestyle is important. Women enjoy dating a man who can do it. “We want to date someone who can prioritize his job, family, friends, and a relationship.” Women are drawn to men who make time and who show us that we’re an essential part of their lives.”
7. Good Listener A man who is a good listener is a true catch. Because women are more emotional than men, we love to share. We can talk for hours. We have tons of stories to tell and we want you to listen to all of them. If you can listen to a woman, and I mean genuinely listen, pat yourself on the back.
8. Thoughtfulness Thoughtful men are enticing to women. Being thoughtful doesn’t mean whisking us away to Miami for a weekend either. Although we’d certainly love that, it isn’t necessary! Rather, being thoughtful means showing us that you care. If we mention we love a certain restaurant, surprise us and plan a date there. If we say we love a particular flower, bring us flowers on the next date. If we tell you we’re eager to see a specific movie or, get tickets and take us. A man who’s considerate is very sexy.
9. Confidence Women like men who are confident. When you’re sure of yourself and your actions reflect it, women will be naturally drawn to you. Women are attracted to men who know they’re great.
10. Presentable Being put together and looking presentable is essential. Women want to date men who are well-dressed. A nice outfit can make men so much more attractive! I’m a sucker for a man in a nice suit or button-down with a sweater. If you’re well-dressed and put together, you’re showing the world that you value yourself and your appearance. Ultimately, women want to fall in love. They want someone who makes them feel special and important.
2 years ago. Saturday, February 18, 2023 at 8:37 AM
Dominance and submission aren’t a job. There may be times when it seems like a task-based system of performance and reward, but that’s just a small part of it. My reality is that D/s is a labor of love. That said, I don’t serve simply for his pleasure, although his pleasure is certainly my greatest reward. In some regards, I’m very much an altruist, yet I seek something from him in return for my service. I seek the quieting.
I can get a beating from my favorite tops. I can negotiate an impact scene from a trusted sadist to get what I need from a physical perspective. They can get me to subspace, but can’t quiet me.
Quieting comes from Him. When chaos reigns in my mind, when my world is tilting off its axis, it is the quieting I need. The exchange of power in our dynamic hinges on this one key concept.
2 years ago. Wednesday, February 15, 2023 at 4:32 AM
See maybe right now your journey isn’t about love. Maybe right now your journey is about you. Maybe this is the season you are being challenged to be your own savior, to be your own safe place. Maybe right now you are being reminded — that the people who walked away were only ever leading you back to yourself, were only ever leading you here. And here, you are okay on your own. Here, you are rebuilding. Here, you are adapting and mending, and reclaiming all of the pieces you let them walk away with. Here, you are being kinder to your soul, you are giving yourself the same kind of love you have always given to others. Here, you are not rushing your heart, you are not depending on another human being to fix it. Instead, here, you are doing that on your own. Here, you are healing. ~ Bianca Sparacino
Sitting on that bench alone early yesterday morning, my mind was so cloudy with thoughts of you. Mostly about how much I was going to miss you. I thought back on the summer of dancing every weekend. The pure joy we felt. Then came fall, and everything changed. We got your diagnosis, and it's never been the same. It's not fair to know when the end will be. How do people cope after the death of a loved one?
Finally, I found the words - or as close as possible.
Time passes, and grief - at first raw, loud, and visible to others - grows very quiet. But it never vanishes.
One day, we realize a hushed sadness lives within us, known only to us.
Yet we appear "normal" again.
We work and spend time with friends, and family. We laugh, cook, garden, and travel.
Life goes on, and as my dad used to tell me, so must we - and we do.
Only ... not quite.
Sorrow has changed us.
Knowing now that fate can rip apart all plans, we've become as many observers as participants.
A tiny bit of us is held back.
Knowing exactly how precious time is, we lack patience for game playing, as if someone took a big broom and swept away all excuses and rationalizations.
Who and what matters, what's tolerable and what isn't, are so clear.
Unexpected reminders of our loved ones - as simple as their favorite food on a menu or favorite song on the radio - knock the wind out of us when they appear.
We've learned to hide that reaction, setting us apart a bit.
Explaining all this is futile.
People who haven't lost someone can sympathize but can't grasp it all.
Everyone tires of constantly hearing about sadness or problems. That's just human nature. We want to be happy.
Mourners differ in their grieving. Some admit sorrow's toll.
Some bury it beneath stoic denial.
Words can reopen wounds for either, so they're better left unsaid to them.
Well, then. How to cope after losing a loved one?
We live and laugh and love, yet recognize we are irrevocably changed.
Most of all, we accept what people who walked this road long before I did have told me:
