It's All Relevant

If you do any significant amount of reading about D/s you’re sure to encounter the idea that it is the responsibility of each party to ‘vet’ the other before formalizing a relationship. This advice is normally aimed at submissives, and my writing will be too because it brings me to point number one…

Until the point where a submissive has agreed to enter into the power exchange dynamic, it is the submissive who is in control. I know, that’s an uncomfortable thing. We don’t enjoy taking control, and the idea of being responsible for such a big decision is daunting, but it’s very important.

Giving control over your body, and your well-being, to another person, is to be taken incredibly seriously, and you can’t make someone else responsible. If you decide to give your power to someone you haven’t taken the time to vet, it would be unfair not to take some of the responsibility when things go south. If you invite a snake into your bed, you have to own your responsibility when he bites.

The first step to vetting someone is to get to know them as a person. Just like every other relationship. The vanilla things matter. Let me repeat that in case it didn’t sink in… the vanilla things matter. Your morals, religion, hobbies, and personalities need to align the same way any other couple should.

That doesn’t mean they need to be the same. It’s okay if he loves hiking and you’d rather sit in with a book, but these things must align. There shouldn’t be contention every time you discuss what to do on Saturday, and you shouldn’t feel that you’re compromising yourself to make it work. You’ll want to avoid letting sex and kink be the main topic of conversation at this point.

As you’re getting to know this person you’ll probably start seeing little glimpses of dominance peeking through. You’ll notice the way he checks in often, asks you to call when you’ve arrived home safely, or tells you where you’ll be going for dinner rather than asking.

The next step in your vetting is going to be giving him opportunities to lead. Push small pieces of power over the line and watch to see what he does with them. Watch carefully, and be honest with yourself about how he responds. Does it feel right? Is he putting your well-being above his desires?

Tell him you’ve been feeling tired in the mornings before work and don’t know if you should try showering at night, what does he think? Does he ask questions about when you go to bed? Does he say “whatever you think,” or otherwise let the opportunity to decide for you pass? Does he send you to bed when you have an early day even though he’d rather stay on the phone? These little ‘tests’ are all insignificant in themselves, but they combine to give you a very clear picture of what sort of leader you have.

This is the point where discussion of your future/potential dynamic will start coming into the picture. Let him know how you feel about the decisions he’s made for you. “It was nice not to have to decide… thank you for ordering for me…It made me feel really cared for when you called because I didn’t text when I got home.” Then start asking questions. LOTS OF THEM.

Discuss kinks, sure, but don’t let that be the only thing. Ask him what he imagines the day-to-day looking like. How much free time does he have? Why did it end with his last submissive? Are there any things that are must-haves? Limits? This is when the discussion crosses past the vanilla and becomes about shaping a dynamic. You want to find out what is important to each other, what sort of control will he want? How will he exercise it?

Continue pushing pieces of power over the line and keep watching to see what happens. Don’t rush it. If this is the right Dominant for you, then you’ll know over time. Does he own when he’s made a mistake, or try to cover with excuses? How does he react when you’ve forgotten to do something he asked? Does he speak poorly about every woman he’s ever been with? If so this is a red flag you should be aware of. Sexual tensions are high at the beginning of a relationship. It’s exciting for both parties, but does every conversation come back to sex?

If you take to vetting this way, with open honest communication about the dynamic, there will be no question that you are looking to be his, and that he is looking to own you. Some traditionalists feel it’s the sub’s responsibility to first approach the Dominant seeking ownership, and you’ll probably want to discuss expectations about this before the time comes so no one is left wondering what they’ve done wrong.

Have fun. Enjoy the journey, and above all don’t rush the process. If it’s the right person you’ll be glad you took the time. If it’s the wrong person, you’ll be even more grateful.

pleasurewhore~

Some people say they just want someone to love and to be loved by them in return. Apparently, that is their ultimate goal in life. God knows how many songs have been written about that exact subject. Screw that shit. I don’t want only that. If you want someone to just love you then get a puppy. I want so much more than that.

You don’t just want love. You can love someone but not have a connection, no real deep intimacy. For some reason, you just don’t click on some spiritual, cosmic, higher plane, whatever you want to call it. If that’s not there you’re missing a big part. That love you feel is never going to be as fulfilling as it could be.

But then you can have this amazing connection with a person where you are both on the same wavelength. Your minds are aligned. You almost know what the other person is thinking or feeling at any given moment. But there’s no sexual chemistry. There’s no desire. No lust. That connection will never be what it potentially could be.

And we all know about those times when sex and passion are off the charts. You can’t imagine it possibly be any better. You’re convinced that people should be filming you as you always produce some high-quality sex that the world needs to be aware of. But during those times when there’s no sex happening, there’s no tenderness. There’s no affection. There’s no real desire to make the other person truly happy other than physically. There’s no love.

So there you have it. You can love someone but not be sexually compatible. You can be hot for each other all the time but you just don’t care about each other in that special way. You can find a soul mate type of connection but you don’t love them in a way you know your heart is capable of. So close and yet so damn far. This is turning into quite a positive piece of writing, isn’t it? I blame the bottle of wine that was inhaled late one night when this was written…

So what do we want? Clearly, most of the world hasn’t really figured it out or there wouldn’t be so many who believe that their true other half is still out there somewhere but is not the person laying next to them in bed. Who simply want more. I have no idea what that’s called but it’s more than just passion and desire. Way more than just an intimate connection. And most definitely more than just love.

But you’ll know when you’ve found it because you count the minutes until you’ll see him again when you’re apart. You live for those times when you make her laugh until tears roll down her face. A gentle touch of skin in the middle of the night makes your heart almost burst with joy. And you can’t wait to rip each other’s clothes off and find out how much more pleasure you can possibly give each other than the last time when you rocked the building’s foundations. Sounds like some kind of fantasy, I know, but sometimes fantasies do come true. If yours hasn’t yet, keep looking. That thing, whatever you want to call it, is out there somewhere…

~Dirty Romantic

Like waves of the ocean, the blink of an eye, raindrops on puddles, sheets in the wind. Turn of a page of a well-read book, the rise, and fall when your lover breathes… These are a few of my favorite things.

The aroma of coffee, in the newly born morn, greens on the table, grown by your door. Crunch of an apple, juice from a peach, the bumps on her skin from her neck to her knees... These are a few of my favorite things.

The roll of thunder in a lightning storm, blaring whistle of a freight train horn. Roaring cheers from the concert crowd, the scream when she reaches the height of her storm… These are a few of my favorite things.

The good kind of tired from an honest day's work, the dawn and sunset of a long day spent. sunburned necklines and beads of sweat, her head on my chest when it’s time to rest…These are a few of my favorite things.

~lifeanimotion

“She was the kind of girl that liked driving fast And being undressed slowly She loved finding notes on the dresser And tasks that made her bite her lip She loved going out to eat with her gentleman And staying in to be eaten by her wolf She loved finding her bags already packed And being cast as the star of his adventures She loved all-night drives and walks in the country And not caring where she left her panties She loved her baths, oils, and silks But was truly at home with the scent from his shirt She loved dazzling him with her creative successes And how his wicked texts drove her to distraction She liked being fiercely independent But more so the bliss she found serving the one she loved”

— Original writing © ThePoeticSir 2014

~Brain Damage ~  Pink Floyd ~ Dark Side Of The Moon 

The lunatic is on the grass.
The lunatic is on the grass.
Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs.
Got to keep the loonies on the path.

The lunatic is in the hall.
The lunatics are in my hall.
The paper holds their folded faces to the floor
And every day the paper boy brings more.

And if the dam breaks open many years too soon
And if there is no room upon the hill
And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.

The lunatic is in my head.
The lunatic is in my head
You raise the blade, you make the change
You re-arrange me 'til I'm sane.
You lock the door
And throw away the key
There's someone in my head but it's not me.

And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear
You shout and no one seems to hear.
And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.

"I can't think of anything to say except...
I think it's marvelous! HaHaHa!"

~Eclispe ~ Pink Floyd ~ Dark Side Of The Moon

All that you touch
All that you see
All that you taste
All you feel.
All that you love
All that you hate
All you distrust
All you save.
All that you give
All that you deal
All that you buy,
beg, borrow or steal.
All you create
All you destroy
All that you do
All that you say.
All that you eat
And everyone you meet
All that you slight
And everyone you fight.
All that is now
All that is gone
All that's to come
and everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon.

"There is no dark side of the moon really. Matter of fact it's all dark."

"Memories" ~ Maroon 5

Here's to the ones that we got
Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
Of everything we've been through
Toast to the ones here today
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you

There's a time that I remember, when I did not know no pain
When I believed in forever, and everything would stay the same
Now my heart feel like December when somebody say your name
'Cause I can't reach out to call you, but I know I will one day, yeah

Everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody hurts someday, ayy-ayy
But everything gon' be alright
Go and raise a glass and say, ayy

Here's to the ones that we got
Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
Of everything we've been through
Toast to the ones here today
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you

Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
Memories bring back, memories bring back you

There's a time that I remember when I never felt so lost
When I felt all of the hatred was too powerful to stop (Ooh, yeah)
Now my heart feel like an ember and it's lighting up the dark
I'll carry these torches for ya that you know I'll never drop, yeah

Everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody hurts someday, ayy-ayy
But everything gon' be alright
Go and raise a glass and say, ayy

Here's to the ones that we got (Oh-oh)
Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
Of everything we've been through (No, no)
Toast to the ones here today (Ayy)
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories (Ayy)
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you

Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
Memories bring back, memories bring back you
Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo (Ooh, yeah)
Memories bring back, memories bring back you

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no
Memories bring back, memories bring back you

Miss You ~ The Rolling Stones

I've been holding out so long
I've been sleeping all alone
Lord I miss you
I've been hanging on the phone
I've been sleeping all alone
I want to kiss you sometime

Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh

Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh oooh

Well, I've been haunted in my sleep
You've been starring in my dreams
Lord I miss you, child
I've been waiting in the hall
Been waiting on your call
When the phone rings
It's just some friends of mine that say

"Hey, what's the matter man?
We're gonna come around at twelve
With some Puerto Rican girls that's just dyin' to meet you
We're gonna bring a case of wine
Hey, let's go mess and fool around
You know, like we used to"

Aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah
Aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah
Aaah aaah aaah aaah

Oh everybody waits so long
Oh baby why you waiting so long
Won't you come on! Come on!

I've been walking Central Park
Singing after dark
People think I'm crazy
Stumbling on my feet
Shuffling through the street
Asking people, "What's the matter with you boy?"

Sometimes I want to say to to myself
Sometimes I say

Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh

Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh
I won't miss you child

I guess I'm lying to myself
It's just you and no one else
Lord I won't kiss you child
You've just been blotting out my mind
Fooling on my time
No, I won't kiss you, baby, yeah

Lord, I miss you child

Aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah
Aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah
Aaah aaah aaah aaah

Lord, I miss you child

Aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah
Aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah
Aaah aaah aaah aaah

Lord, I miss you child

Aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah
Aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah
Aaah aaah aaah aaah

RIP Charlie Watts