First, what is an Empath? For me, it is picking up energy and cues from those around me. I absorb other’s energy. I don’t just understand how someone is feeling. I experience those feelings myself. Because of this, I have to be very careful who I am around and who I let into my Fruit Loop size circle. Some people believe it is about mysticism. For them, it is almost spiritual. To each their own, it’s just not what I believe. Now, everyone has gut instincts, and some are more in tune with it than others. For an empath, these are heightened feelings. They are very strong and sometimes overwhelming. It isn’t just a warning bell…. It’s a siren with flashing reds and blues. When I come across a toxic person for instance. I know generally within just a couple mins. My energy is almost immediately zapped, I am on edge, my stomach is in knots and all my defenses kick into overdrive.
Typically with a great deal of reflection and analysis, I can figure out what behavior exactly is giving me the feeling I am getting when talking to someone. Sometimes it’s subtle though. It’s that overwhelming gut intuition that something is either very right or very wrong about the person I’m talking to. In-person, it might be body language, facial expressions, the way their eyes dart or gaze. It might be any number of mannerisms that tell me what I need to know. It isn’t just what they say. It’s how they say it. The tone of voice, inflections, specific language, etc. Online can be trickier, but I still pick up energy when I open a blog, email or message. When there is little to go on, I proceed very cautiously. Feeling the person out until I have more to go on. Though occasionally even a hello will set off warning bells for unknown reasons. I’ve learned to trust that, even if I can’t understand it. It’s never steered me wrong.
Many strong Dominants do this with logic and reasoning. They pay attention to all those things with a purpose. The difference for an empath is, more often than not, we have no idea we’re doing this. (Dominants can be empaths too. but I don’t have any experience there to draw on, so I can’t really say anything about that.) An empath who knows themselves well will understand this, listen to their body’s cues about a person, and respond accordingly. I didn’t know I was an empath until I realized I was married to a narcissist. I had learned to distrust those intuitions. That was quite a journey. But I am in a better place, and I have discovered this superpower of mine.
I was talking with a mutual last week and he mentioned that natural subs tend to have a type of Spidey sense when it comes to recognizing strong Doms. He was right. I can know pretty quickly if a Dom’s style is going to mesh well with my own. I know almost instantly if the person I am talking to is capable of controlling or Dominating me. It’s part of being an empathic sub. So our first advantage to this, (When we trust and are honed into our instincts) is the ability to recognize a Dom that has strong potential for us. That doesn’t mean every encounter will work out or be long-lasting. But when we have a strong understanding of ourselves we’re far less likely to find ourselves in bad and damaging relationships.
It also serves us well in our service of others. Anticipating needs is something I thrive at. It isn’t always what your Dom may want though. So know your Dom and his expectations. However, you will find you are keener than most at doing things for others before they ask, and sometimes before they even realize they have a need or want. Ever grab a drink for someone simply because you were in the kitchen and the thought suddenly occurred that someone else was thirsty? In the service industry, this skill is invaluable to me.
Drawbacks. Empaths tend to be very guarded. Even when they don’t know they are empaths. We’ve learned the hard way how emotionally exhausted we can get and we’ve had to learn to pull back, or risk needing to stay I bed for 5 days straight. We’ve been around energy vampires enough and have been in enough draining circumstances that we’re well aware of the potential fallout. So we don’t let many in our little Fruit Loop circles. Or we let them in the first 2 walls…. ignoring the 6 mile high walls behind those 2 with the alligator-filled moats and the fire-breathing dragon waiting to incinerate anyone who gets too close. (When the walls do finally come down… it will allow for an incredibly deep bond) We get overwhelmed easily. Because of this, we can have a tendency to burn out. Things will be intense and fun and be going great, then we hit our limit and we want to run. More often than not, we’re likely not even aware of some of the sabotaging stuff we may be doing in these cases. The way to combat this is through communication. Thankfully, any good D/s relationship is going to thrive and have a strong foundation for communication. Rather than get stuck in your head when you’re overwhelmed…. you HAVE to talk about it. A good informed Dom will be able to work with you and come up with ways to manage these feelings. There are lots of self-care tips aimed specifically at empaths.
A non-empath feels everything an empath does. Again, the difference is that for an empath it is heightened. I can only speak from my own experiences, and what I’ve read while doing research. I know for me (And what I’ve read of others) Orgasms are heightened. I enter what I can only describe as a type of subspace. At least according to what I’ve read of subspace. After having a few in a row, my head goes fuzzy, I can’t really talk, I don’t have any real control over my body. Sometimes I am overly aware of everything around me, which is a type of sensory overload kind of way. Other times, it’s as though everything else just disappears. Empaths tend to be pretty intense when it comes to sex. But that means if you hit sub drop (I’ve only experienced this twice) it can feel devastating. The last time I experienced sub drop, it took well over a week to recover. It was almost a month before I really felt like myself. Part of the problem was both of these took place LD. I didn’t have anyone on-site, or even just in real life who was able to help me through it. I was also inexperienced enough to not really understand what was going on. I did not communicate it well as a result.
Doms, please read up on empaths. Be familiar with their needs. Read the tips for how they can recharge and ask lots of questions about how they are feeling and how their body is responding. My suspicion is that a lot of subs are also empaths. You will love the benefits of this homework. Empathic subs, be honest. Talk. Put it all out there. If you’re Dom can’t handle it, and they aren’t willing to learn, that tells you what you need to know. But don’t stop doing what you need to because you’re worried it won’t be received well. They cannot be a good Dom if you won’t let them be a Dom, and that means giving them all the necessary information. (When it is right to do so, you don’t need to lay all this out in the first conversation, it is something that should be discussed when having those foundational discussions though)
Being an empath has a lot of wonderful advantages. But it also comes with some unique challenges and responsibilities. When tended to properly, it is beautiful. There are some great articles online to look up that may help you understand yourself better. Google the hell out of it.
