I get it, it’s hard to be patient, it’s hard to deprive yourself of the relationship you’re either excited to try or you’ve been missing since your last. I understand it’s difficult to find someone that seems to be the puzzle piece that matches your kink and has to wait. But it is goddamn important.
I see so many problems from people that come down to them not wanting to wait to really get to know someone before the collar and the rules came out (that and poor communication, but that’s a future writing). Being patient, waiting, learning who they are, and finding out if they really practice what they preach… are not optional steps.
A dominant can’t possibly throw rules at a submissive if they don’t know what the submissive needs. A dominant can’t possibly know if they should accept a submissive submission if they don’t really know who the submissive is. A dominant can’t begin to take on the responsibility of accepting someone’s submission if the dominant does not know that they are the right person to lead that submissive.
You cannot possibly know you’re dealing with a dominant and not a manipulative, abusive pseudo-dom until you’ve taken the time to find out just what makes that person tick. Don’t offer the gift of your submission to someone that manages to send the right texts for a couple of days, offers you some dick pics, and orders you to send back nudes of yourself. And that's about all he does.
Whether it’s a dominant taking on a submissive or the submissive offering their submission to a dominant, both are accepting a grave responsibility. Don’t shortcut it, take your time, talk, spend time together, and get to know that person. Do Your Due Diligence. Find out if they’re who they claim to be and find out if they’re really the person that’s going to provide what you need.
Patience.
~adomsmind