Sometimes it is not easy. Sometimes it is not as natural as breathing. Sometimes submission can be an obstacle course, a field of abandoned land mines of accumulated life experiences and hurts. Sometimes the body or the mind betrays the will and prevents that which is most desired; surrender, freedom, humility.
Even with the right Dom, there can be scars of our past, bruises of our upbringing, or physical limitations that impede our ability to just let go, surrender, and be as our Dominant would have us. Yet it is these very obstacles and hurdles that a competent and caring Dominant will work patiently and persistently with their submissive to overcome or circumnavigate.
In peeling back, the layers of a submissive, a process of seeking and unveiling the true woman inside, a Dominant often stumbles into blocks and impediments to full submission; painful reminders, deeply rooted fears, skeletons in the closet that have been locked carefully away from view. Often the submissive is not even aware they have these tender spots and emotional blocks until they emerge, sometimes quite suddenly and violently. The digging that a Dominant does to unlock the beauty and full potential of a submissive can also let the demons out of their carefully constructed cages. It can be a painful process, but then all meaningful growth is.
A competent and compassionate Dominant will welcome these challenges as part of the process of enabling their submissive to be their best and most complete self. A caring Dom will not only expose the inner demons and obstacles but will take their submissive by the hand, gently and lovingly guiding them to a state of more complete submission, confidence, and trust. Ultimately, it is this process of recovery and growth that solidifies the bond between Dominant and submissive and leads to the state of absolute trust and adoration so often experienced in a healthy D/s relationship.
Being a loving Dominant is so much more than simply being commanding and playing kinky sex games. The role of a Dominant entails a level of responsibility and care that can only find its closest parallel in that of being a parent. A Dominant has the power not only to lead and command but also to help grow and mold another human being. But a Dominant also has the ability to crush and destroy another human being as well. It is an awesome power and frightful responsibility.
As Dominants, in our rummaging around the emotional closet that is our submissive we have a solemn responsibility to help heal the scars of the past that serve as blocks to their submission but above all, we must strive never to create new ones. We are to be an agent of healing not a bearer of further pain.
The greatest reward for both a Dominant and a submissive is the process by which they come together to fill each other’s voids, heal each other’s wounds, and become the most complete people they can possibly be. In so doing, together they become far greater than the sum of their individual parts and accomplish something truly magnificent in their relationship with one another. Done properly, the glue of the bond between Dominant and submissive is far stronger than the beings it holds together.
That is something worth working for.
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive
