I’m single. I’m a submissive. Sometimes I experience what I call “sub-sad” - that ache that is unique to being a submissive single. I’ve learned to use my time as a single woman to really explore myself and my “Why”. I’m consistently preaching self-awareness. I share my lessons learned in my personal writing. I’m not pining for or imagining my future Dominant. I’m not writing nor kneeling to an imaginary form of a Dominant who has yet to enter into my life (or make himself known to me). My focus isn’t on him; it is on myself. I’m growing. My belief is that the better I know myself, the better. Period.
I’m on a constant quest to know myself – the why’s and how’s of my being as they relate to my environment and others. The better I know myself, the more apt I am to make choices that promote my well-being and future. The better I know myself, the less likely I am to fall for the wrong Dom (again), and the more likely I am to be an exceptional submissive when I next choose to submit.
So, no, I’m not waiting. I’m fully engaged in a joyful and meaningful life. I’m also dating vanilla again. I’d stopped because it seemed like a waste of time and unfair to men who, quite frankly, cannot manage me. But the reality is that if I’m not exploring my self-knowledge as it applies to interactions with the opposite sex, it is kind of wasted knowledge because it isn’t being put to practical use – after all, I want my Dominant to be someone I actually do things within the real world.
I’m growing as a human being, as a woman, and as a submissive. I’m not the same woman I was at 40 and I’m damn sure not the same woman I was in my 30’s. I’m learning my strengths, my anxiety triggers, my fears, and things that bring me peace, and I’m redefining my hopes. I’m soaring into the beauty of self-acceptance. My very recent realization that I am a bit of a little caused me some internal discomfort – how can I be that on top of everything else that makes me different and how does that impact my future…. hell, how did it impact past relationships!?! These are the kinds of things I strive to understand. Not just for myself, but for my future Dominant. Self-knowledge allows me to articulate myself and my needs to others. That ability is particularly important when contemplating allowing someone into my mind and relinquishing control to him.
The better I know myself doesn’t just help me know what to look for in a prospective Dom, it helps me to identify my strengths, weaknesses, and needs. My personal growth makes me better equipped to take care of myself.
I don’t want my submission to be because I cannot do it for myself; I want it to be because I choose to defer my power to another - for all of the reasons I discussed in last week’s Tuesday Truth, “Rules, a Balloon, and a String.” I take my submission seriously – it is meaningful and mindful.
This is my truth, my choice, my quest for growth. My future Dominant will cherish this part of who I am and will engage in his own introspective journey.
The Growing Game – Know Your “Why” ES?
~empoweredsubmissive
