The concept of training is on my mind thought however it is not training in the business world nor the faux dominants who lurk on the internet trying to prey up on new submissives to be their personal BDSM trainer but it is occurring to me that many submissives fail to ask some very important questions of dominant they are interested in. So here are ten questions I feel submissives should ask potential Doms.
When it comes to implements of ‘fun’ (crops, floggers, whips, plugs, and I could go on and on), ask how the d-type was taught about safely using them.
With those same arousing bits of equipment, ask the dominant if they have had them used ON them. Quick news flash, even if the d-type was not a fan of how it ‘felt’ they should have experienced them so they can understand how they will feel for you their submissive.
Inquire about how the dominant continue their education in the lifestyle.
Find out where the d-type would go if they had a question/concern. Do they have mentors/friends or would they fire off an anon ask to a blog?
Inquire about mistakes they have made as a dominant.
When discussing errors with a d-type, listen to determine if they share life lessons they have learned from their failures. Be wary of anyone who claims to be mistake-free or struggles to know/share the lessons of their missteps.
How much time are you able to give to building a relationship? It is important to ask this upfront as many people expect more and more time as things grow and develop. Make sure there is an understanding of how much time can be invested and where/when life will infringe upon this time.
If they are a new(er) d-type find out what things intrigue them and those they would like to explore. Remember that exploration is no guarantee these things will become likes, wants, or needs but it will give an idea of the interests lurking in the dominant’s mind. You can even ask this of an ‘old dog’ to find out what ‘new tricks’ they are interested in.
In a long-term relationship, how will you use the lifestyle (and vanilla items) to keep the partnership from becoming stagnant and/or routine?
If at any point you have ‘assumed’ anything about a dominant, make it a point to ask about it, no matter how trivial it may seem. Remember every assumption, even the small ones, can quickly make an ass out of you (or them).
When it comes to asking questions and getting to know a prospective partner, please always ask the same questions in different ways on different days. I know it may sound rude like you are intentionally trying to trip up the d-type, but what you are doing is reassuring yourself that the answers are consistent. This consistency will help both of you build trust in each other and this is important in any relationship but especially so in a lifestyle partnership.
Finally, never feel that as a submissive, you cannot ask something because of the role you are identified with. If you, as an s-type, have something on your mind, always feel comfortable expressing it. I believe that any supposed d-type who would say “a submissive should never ask this” is simply looking to avoid a line of questioning that would lead to unflattering revelations coming out about that person. So, if you think about it, ask it!
Remember the only bad question is the one you are afraid to ask.
©TLK2022
