There is a meme that has made its way around the block and I am sure will keep right on going that says “If you lose a shoe at midnight, you are drunk not Cinderella”. This caused me to flashback to my college days when a guy I knew would often head to a party, have too much, and then leave the party to drunkenly wander around. The climax of his sloshed strolls involved returning to the dorms, unsure where he had been, covered in mud, missing a shoe, and definitely not Cinderella or Cinderfella. All of these missing shoe thoughts made me think about how some in the D/S lifestyle mistakenly feel it is or will lead to a fairy tale adventure complete with Prince or Princess Charming to top it all off. I do not want to come off as Negative Ned but I do want to take a couple of minutes to share a few reminders about the lifestyle.
Sadly not every frog kissed on your D/S journey is going to transform itself into a princess or prince. Some even transform into something that seems like royalty at first but over time morph into a life lesson. Lifestyle dating is a challenge and I believe it is important to say positive, learn from the bad frogs along the way, and apply those experiences so one is better prepared for the next round of French kissing froggies.
As fantastic fantasies go, remember that all will not turn out as you imagined/or planned them, and sometimes it is best to keep a fantasy as just that rather than trying to bring it to life. Also, it can be very tempting to want to jump into a fantasy fulfillment fervor with someone new, make sure they are worthy of your intimate desires rather than just being handy when you are horny.
There will be days when your partner is going to do or say things that are going to drive you batty, make you upset, and frustrate the living heck out of you. No relationship is going to be amazing all the time and maintaining the partnership will require dedication and effort, especially on the days when it feels like too much to put that in. Lifestyle relationships are not different than vanilla ones, if you want them to last, you have to put in the work.
Submissives, you will have days when you wake up and do not want to follow your dominant’s lead. I do not mean you are in a place where the relationship transformed into a relationshit with the clock striking time to dump the chump but perhaps your d-type has gone off, done something donkey, and you are upset with them or maybe, it is just one of those times when life is being unfair and unkind which has you in a place where the last thing you feel like doing is what is asked/expected of you. These are the tough moments. But rather than say no I am not going to follow my dominant’s guidance, which is the easy way in these moments, these times require the pulling up of one’s adult undergarments, honoring your commitment to serve, and if there is an instance of donkey dom disease-causing/adding to these troubles make sure that not only are your britches properly prepared for adulting but that you can have a grown-up, civil discussion to address and repair the problem.
Dominants, just like above but the opposite, there will be days when you may not feel like leading because you are miffed with your submissive, life is miffed at you or both. Just like my advice for submissives, put on your big boy/girl pants, lead through the miffedness, and if needed have a rational and calm adult conversation to fix any relationship riddles that are stymying things.
No matter the side of the slash, D/S partnerships will have moments when it is time to put aside the roles and tackle the challenge life has given you as teammates in life rather than dominant and submissive. Sometimes in these moments, the s-type might have to lead as well. When the unexpected and tragic occurs, be a partner first and D/S role second.
I know this is shocking news but we do not live in a place called Kinklandia. We share space in a world of vanilla beans. This means that our daily grind of life will impact how the lifestyle will play out within a relationship. Every D/S partnership will have to balance lifestyle needs and wants with the demands the world puts upon all of us. This will be an ever-changing challenge that is there day in and day out.
No submissive is supreme and no dominant is dazzling all the time. This means both d and s types are flawed humans who will make mistakes, even with the best intentions. Rather than seek a perfect person, seek one that is perfectly imperfect for you.
It is no secret that people change over time which means relationships will evolve with the natural growth of those engaged in it. The trick is to put in the effort to grow together in the partnership while blossoming as individuals at the same time. While growing together is the ultimate goal, sadly this does not always happen, so just like kissing those faux princesses and princes, sometimes people grow apart.
So remember, if you lose your shoe at midnight, call an Uber because you cannot drive and while there is so much to love about the lifestyle as well as many who engage in it, D/S is not a fairy tale which means it is up to each person to design and work for their happily ever after.
©TLK2021