My early beliefs about D/s were shaped by a series of emotionally abusive relationships and things I read in the odd corners of the internet. For a long time, I was unaware of the truth.
Pair that with my perfectionism, and you get some complicated situations. I don’t just desire to do well—I have an almost pathological need for perfection.
I used to believe that the ideal sub would accept everything thrown at them and always beg for more. I thought they would never need to use their safeword and would always be willing, ready, and available. I imagined that the perfect sub wouldn’t have limits—or if they did, they’d bravely push those limits to please their Dom(me).
I thought they wouldn’t make waves, wouldn’t ask for too much, and wouldn’t need anything more than what was given. I believed the perfect sub would be entirely focused on the relationship and pleasing their Dom(me), as if nothing else could ever be more important.
I envisioned them as always pleasing, quiet, agreeable, soft, and pliant—without exception.
But now I see things differently.
The perfect sub has limits and knows when to use a safeword when needed. They aren’t afraid to speak up at any time. The perfect sub recognizes their own needs and understands their Dom(me) can’t read their mind.
They bring expectations, requirements, and beliefs into the relationship, along with non-negotiable deal-breakers. The perfect sub isn’t always ready, willing, or available, and that’s perfectly fine.
They have interests, hobbies, friends, and lives outside of the relationship that require their attention. The perfect sub doesn’t align with everything shown in porn; they may not be able to deepthroat, take a spanking, or be tied up in complex positions.
The perfect sub knows communication is vital and that standing up for themselves is essential. They acknowledge that their Dom(me) is simply human.
And the perfect sub is human too, which means they’re not really perfect at all.
And that’s okay. I’m learning.
~DirtyLittleBookworm
I found this piece and fell in love with it. I thought it was super relevant, and wanted to share it.