“To trust is sometimes to surrender.” - Victor Hugo
She tells me he’s texted her today. He’s started liking all her posts and photos again. Hop in the car and the radio sings “It’s been a while since I have even heard from you… I should just tell you to leave ‘cause I know exactly where it leads…” Fuck. Thanks Tay-Tay.
"Exes"
Everyone has ‘em. An ex comes in all shapes and sizes. Psychotic. Manipulative. Slimy. Respectful. Life-long friends. Forgotten memories. We all have history.
Relationships are difficult enough; having the past knock on the door and reintroduce itself can make it even more difficult.
If you let it.
“Love doesn’t hurt. Assumptions do.”
Truthfully, the old me would sincerely struggle with a past flame. Twist and turn in my head til I made myself nauseous. Angry. Resentful. Lash out.
The old me would unzip my baggage and pour it all over the good we had wholeheartedly built. Let my self-esteem issues seep into the cracks of our foundation. Fester. Ruin.
The old me would submit to the dark thoughts. Allow me to feel threatened and disrespected. Depressed.
And, the old me would inevitably destroy a beautiful relationship and blame her for not seeing my point of view or his hidden agenda. Blame him for being conniving. Blame everyone but myself.
I’m trying desperately to not be that old me.
Communication. Trust. Faith. Honesty. Commitment. Love.
These are all stronger than baggage and self-esteem issues. More powerful than dark thoughts and misguided blame.
Exes. We all got 'em.
But they are an ex for a reason. Whatever the reason; ugly or not, they are yesterday. We are now.
I can’t control what others do or say. I can only try to manage my actions and words. It really is that simple. Anger only begets anger. That whole Golden Rule thing. So today I choose to be accepting. Understanding, upfront, and above all trusting. Focus on the now not the past. To love hard. Grateful and appreciative of the person who chooses, despite all my flaws, to share her life with me. She deserves this… I deserve this.
~originallandlockedmariner