The weather is perfect today! I’m pacing around looking for anything to tidy in anticipation of his arrival. I’m so nervous. Our mutual best friend will be accompanying him so I don’t know why I’m so jittery. Tiny, as we call our ridiculously tall friend, has always been our buffer but this time its different. This time Im married. Happily married. This is like like seeing your high school sweetheart at your class reunion, you don’t know what to expect. So much time has gone by it seems like a lifetime ago or really I guess it has been.
In the interest of our Tiny Peter and I talk frequently. When our mutual friend lived on my side of the state I cared for his doctors needs, insurance needs, spiritual advisor needs. After Tiny’s house burned to ashes last year he was left homeless and moved across the state to live with Peter who is my Ex. Now he has taken over helping our dear senior friend and for this reason our communication is necessary, or so we tell ourselves.
You see Tiny is responsible for our meeting and for that reason our bond with him turned maternal/paternal. We at some unknown point decided His failures and success’s as a human being were our responsibility. I believe this to be a testament of Peter and i’s connection. Tiny is different, old school to the max, a reject by normal standards and yet we both love him for the simplicity he brings to our lives. He reminds us not to run the rat race for the sake of worldly possessions. He is a great example of how to be humble and the reason this millennial can drive a stick shift. These two guys impacted my life immensely and I’m forever grateful and also still in love admittedly.
Peter is also a simple man but is a creative, ambition, talented and respectable individual. Additionally, Peter has a dark side. A dark side I very much used to enjoy and one we don’t dare emerge in these days. It as many of us know is a hard thing to find the person in this world that can enjoy the darkest parts of life but not exist there. Life is all about balance in my opinion and he seemed to balance the scales of light and dark with great skill as I remember.
“Oh Lord”, that’s not a thought road I should be going down right now. Finally I sit down and open Facebook to pass the time and ease the anxiety. Sure enough they arrive just as I start to finally forget their coming. I promised Peter I would let his son experience horseback riding someday and their trip to my neck of the woods for a visit with Tiny’s brother provided the opportunity.
I greet them in the driveway, patients was not a virtue I had at this moment. Somehow his familiar swagger was apparent as he got out of the Jeep or maybe that’s just in my head. He said hello under his breath, which struck me funny, like he was nervous too. Italians don’t get nervous,lol, do they?
When Tiny got out of the passenger seat I focused on greeting him which eased my hypertension. Peter helped his preteen out of the back of the Jeep and Timy proceeds to my porch. I considered stopping him. I planned to stick mainly in the barn hoping my husband would write off our company as just another trial ride, I entertain my guests that way often. However I don’t argue with seniors, especially Tiny so to the porch we go.
As we all sat down I knew immediately that silence would make me feel awkward, so I instantly rose again and brought the nearest fluffy barn cat to entertain the child and of course knew the child would entertain us. If the situation were a little less weird I might have food to offer. At least If we are stuffing our faces we don’t have to talk. His eyes on me and my terrible urge to stare makes me wish this was a phone call. I wouldn’t feel so awkward if he wasn’t right in front of me, watching my every move, every facial expression.
The kitten was quickly becoming boring and just as I was considering ushering off to the barn my husband opens the door to the porch. “Shit”, I say out loud. Fuck, I said that out loud I realize. My husband greets Tiny and I give Peter my behave look. Peter surprises me and rises from his chair to shake my husbands hand, saving me the introduction. Thank god. I don’t ever recall bringing up Peters name but saying it out loud to him feels dirty in all the wrong ways.
I can see this act of alliance has my husband unaware. At this point I’m convinced that my only job is to not carry on conversation or banter as if Peter and I are old friends, which is typically how we communicate.
Now a surprise from Tiny has me on my toes. “Take me and little Pete to meet the horses.” Me and little Pete, OMG these two have a premeditated plan, my anxiety returns, but again no arguments with seniors. This time I look at Peter with fear in my eyes. Please don’t kill em I plead on my head. He smiles devilishly. Fuck! I remember suddenly that I prepared for a possible nuclear situation and walk out to my truck to grab the case of Corona. I set it on the porch and flash a small devilish look of my own knowing they both prefer Corona and for what it’s worth they are both Leo’s too, lol.
After a few pettings of the smaller horses Peter joins us in the barn. “Where’s your buddy?”, I joke with a straight face. Peter doesn’t give his confidence laugh, but instead says blankly that he went inside. “Which horse am I riding”? “Sir, I don’t think you know what you’re getting yourself into!” “Please, he smirks confidently. “. I actually start to consider which horse will suit his body type. He’s Shorter than Tiny but almost 6’ himself. The tallest horse here belongs to my husband and it’s really the only one suitable. I feel bad for knowing my husband would feel betrayed by this for a moment, but it’s just unrealistic to put him on the others. So I point to the large paint horse out in the pasture and hand him a lead rope. “Go get your pony”, lol. It’s a challenging statement in response to his overconfident smirk from before. This horses height alone makes him intimidating and Peter has never ridden a horse before. Me 3, Peter 0. I smile wide at him and with that he heads towards the gate.
I give them both a short lesson on tacking up. People generally like to know how it works but it takes some practice to do it safely.
Without my go ahead he mounts the horse fluently. Hmmm, unexpected, but kinda hot. I help his son get on his dead broke horse and I mount my horse. I lead them towards the woods. Its warm out and the sun shines on us through the bright colored leaves. Theres a warm glow that illuminates the trail ahead. I hang behind them to supervise the horse and riders behavior for safety reasons and I notice them both taking in the beauty of the moment. Being able to give them this moment puts me in a state of nostalgia and “what if’s” creep into my mind. I make the ride last. His son was doing very well. Peter was rockin it. He always had good instincts and reflexes. “So you’re pretty good at that for a green horn”, he knows I’m being playful and comes back with a charming smile. “I’ve watched John Wayne baby”. I laugh out load then think O boy there’s a word that could or could not have implications. Never mind, I think, just be present. “Sometimes it’s fun to have a few drinks and do this. Balancing yourself can be interesting enough let alone telling the horse where to go.” “O ya?” He seems intrigued. “Also if you fall off the impact with ground isn’t nearly as painful”. He laughs out load. I cough, “until tomorrow”. We both laugh. Why didn’t we make it Together i think. We can feel so synced sometimes.
We come up on the Feild. The corn still stands, now yellow and dry. Over due to be cut. I’ve seen this sunset, over this Feild a thousand times at least. Today it was more than just it’s usual fine, it was soul enriching. However, as usual all things must come to and end and we take the road back to the house before we loose light. It’s a much shorter ride. Tiny and my husband are on the porch waiting for us. “How’d it go? Tiny yells out. “It was fine” I yell back. Everything will be fine!😬
Too be continued....