It's been some time. Aside from being oppressed by the sweltering New York heat, I've continued my journey of reading and occasionally writing. I've come to update my small space here with thoughts. As I usually have.
A recent thread made here about the exchange of power in a relationship made me ponder. While I did reply, I wanted to record some things here as more of an elaboration of my own thoughts on the subject.
If we define 'power' as 'the ability to affect things' particularly other people, within the context of the content here; it can be said that the trading of such a thing is initiated long before any agreements or particular acknowledgements have been made.
For example, if I came to you, the reader, and proposed that we enter some kind of relationship; I have already given you power. Which is: to affect me with your choice. The acceptance or rejection of my desire would lie entirely in your hands. And regardless of your choice, the consequences of that result would be mine to endure. I've given you power.
However it can also be said that my initiation of this dichotomy of choice, is something I've inflicted on you. I propositioned you. And so I have put you in a position to make a choice. I also had power. Though in general society, the outcomes are often uncertain.
The question now becomes: Why does this matter?
I suspect most people would prefer to have what they believe to be favorable outcomes to their desires. Or at the very least, have some awareness of what the result would be beforehand, before any powers were exerted on them.
This 'awareness of power' is probably a big factor in why certain BDSM centric relationships seem appealing to people.
If I as a dom am involved with a sub, we are both keenly aware of the exchanges of power between us, at least on some surface level. I know that if I fulfill my subs needs and stay within agreed upon boundaries, my power will be successfully exerted and accepted. There is a knowable consistency to power relations between two people in that kind of relationship that is very difficult to come across in general society. And that can be a comforting thing.
If we can admit this as true, then I feel the need to ponder another question: What is more essential to the forming of a healthy individual? Being involved in knowable and consistent power relations or being tempered by the varied and possibly cruel unknown?