Zach's thoughts

Let's talk about honesty. There has become a sad trend in the community of people on both sides not being truthful. It hurts to see because honesty is the best policy. The truth releases you from worry and regret.

This lifestyle is all about trust, honesty, respect and communication. Without those what do we actually have here? I don't know about you but I would never play with or date someone who did not exude those values in every aspect of life.

Is there somewhere it said to start ignoring those? It leaves me scratching my head at times. BDSM is incredibly intimate and requires a lot of vulnerability. One's trust is not to be taken advantage of.

What happened that makes dishonesty so common? Is it because of ego or maybe a fear based response?

If so it's time to do some work and learn to love and accept yourself before looking for a partner. Embrace your flaws and mistakes from the past. Learn from them in order to become a better version of you.

This especially goes for us Dominants. How can we be trusted with a power exchange if we have not learned to control ourselves first? Our real job/goal as a Dom is to help our sub become the best/most outstanding version of themselves. We have to master oursleves first.

When you realize someone is lying to you how do you handle it? For me it depends on the person or I should say how long I've known them. If it is a good friend I'll give them an opportunity to explain. People deserve a second chance because every one of us has been given one at some point.

The next time you catch yourself typing a message or saying something you know is not the truth. Just be honest. Yes, it is scary in the moment, maybe even painful but own up to the truth. Let it out because it always comes to the surface.

The truth will always set you free. Be honest. Have integrity. Show respect to yourself and others with your actions and words.

-Zach

Welcome to my blog. After six years of being on this site I finally decided it was time to create one. With some encouragement from a friend who’s told me a few times over the years I am a great writer and should share that gift. Although, I still find sharing my thoughts with strangers to be difficult. Life's lessons have shown me the value of privacy, but that's a topic for another blog post. Anyway, I am not sure if this blog will have a theme or not yet. Most likely it will be whatever I feel inspired to write about in the moment. So hope whoever reads this enjoys it.

The importance of communication-

This topic was inspired by a conversation with the friend mentioned above when we were discussing the importance of communication and how so many people seem to struggle with effective communication. In a bdsm dynamic as well as in life, communication is the most important value. It is what leads to you being able to build trust, respect, integrity, empathy, foster a healthy relationship and more. By communicating effectively, you grow as an individual and become a better version of yourself. You will notice a stronger and deeper connection with those in your life. I’ve heard countless times how “bdsm creates a connection you cannot experience elsewhere” that comes from being able to communicate. It is a lesson I personally learned the hard way as a young and immature Dom who thought he knew what being Dominant meant. By failing to communicate clearly it destroyed a beautiful long term relationship with a woman I wanted to marry. Then again, I learned an equally valuable lesson two years later (ironically when I was in a dynamic with the same friend who told me to start this blog) by communicating way too much at once (or trying to, she wasn't responding and rightfully so) and watching the relationship blow up in my face and leaving someone I care about hurt.

With communication it is a fine balance of knowing how much to say and when to say it. When you see a profile, you want to message sending an essay of an introduction message is just as effective as sending a single sentence. Most likely you will not get a response. Every person on here is a human being, no matter their title, kinks, fetishes, claims, limits, experience etc.... they are a person, and you talk to them as one. Approaching someone and demanding instant submission or Domination is a sure-fire way to not get a response, be blocked and create a bad reputation for yourself. To build the desire to submit or Dominate another you must talk for days, even weeks before reaching that point. Truly understand who that person is, what motivates and inspires them. What are their core values. Drives them to get up every day and work hard. What changes do they want to make in their life and the reasoning behind them. What are their goals, where do they want to live or do they not want to move. You need to know the small often overlooked details like what is their favorite movie, show, food, color, their happy place etc. All of that and more should be talked about in detail and should take days to cover. This applies to Doms and subs.

Only then should you approach the topic of BDSM and explore each other's interests in this realm. This approach allows you to genuinely understand someone on a deeper level before delving into kink. Understanding their personality, values, and interests beyond BDSM helps establish a solid foundation for the relationship. While compatibility in kink preferences is important, it is equally crucial to share common ground outside of sexual interests. A perfect alignment in kinks alone does not guarantee a fulfilling relationship if there is little compatibility in other aspects of life. By prioritizing getting to know each other extensively first, you can build a relationship that is based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared interests, ensuring a stronger and more sustainable connection in the long run. When it comes to creating a deep connection with another it takes clear and concise communication. Without being over the top/too demanding or saying too little.

At the end of the day the golden rule of "treating others the way you want to be treated" will lead to amazing conversations and better relationships.

The last thing for this blog on communication. Let yourself be vulnerable, it is okay. You are talking to a random person online. Do not ever lie (blog about trust/lying to follow). Let the truth out and be accepting of it. When you are honest and have nothing to hide it frees you. If the person you are talking to truly cares about you they will not judge or use what you share against you.  That is the ultimate form of communication and trust.

Communication is a skill. Like all skills it is one you must practice to master.

Thank you for taking the time to read my first blog. Hopefully it was not all over the place and one person learned something helpful from it.

-Zach