Contemplative musings of a sub.

Honest gut feelings about real issues facing chatters here drawing from what i have been taught and from what i have personally learned.
1 day ago. Mon 18 Jun 2018 08:16:01 PM IDT

1. touch.  to feel the touch of leather restraints as they are wrapped around your limbs and fastened.  or when rope does the same thing.  or the other persons  fingers on your flesh.  the kiss of the flogger, the sting of a cane. touch means a lot when you are right there with someone.


2. to taste.  to taste someones flesh, their flavor,their lips,  the coldness of an ice cube. you could imagine it ...but why would you?


3.  to see.  when you see the spanking implements layed out on a towel.  when you see various other toys waiting to be used.   when you see the other person readying rope or restraints.  when you see these things and play today you will remember those feelings when you see those items will know that great feelings are yet to come.


4. to hear.  the sound of the spanking implement as it heads your way to make contact with your flesh.  the clinking of chain.  the squeeze of the lube bottle.  the various sounds you will make as you feel different sensations, the giggles, the sighs, the moans, the squeeks, the squeels. so many sounds that are music to other persons  ears.


5. feel.   feel the softness yet strength of the leather.    the coolness and hardess of the chains.  follow the fluidity of the ropes.  experience the absence of your senses.  feel your wetness as it trails down your legs from your excitement...and feel your plain raw excitement to be with the one you are enjoying yourself and them enjoying you.  feel a whole range of emotions like a proverbial pandoras box.  such a myriads of to another taking you for a seemingly endless ride.  feel that cane as it smacks your skin..or the open hand upon your flesh.  feel the metal as it clamps your tender nipple. feel the fingers that gently trace your labia or tweak your nipples  getting them hard before the clamps go on.  and learn that as those fingers play your body like an instrument you can imagine what is to come next.  or  learn that you never know what sensation, pleasure or pain will  you feel next.


6. to laugh.   the other end of tickels whether hard or soft.  with fingers or other items.  and sometimes what happens when sharp edges are used in play which end up triggering giggling.  either music to someone elses ears or maybe not.  all depends on what is happening in the moment.


7. and to love.and if you are lucky and fortunate  you will get to love.   that love will be with you through all of your exploring whether its pain or pleasure     that love you can ultimately feel will carry you through all of it. 


sit there a keyboard warrior and only imagine what the 7 wonders of the BDSM world are really like!!!



1 day ago. Mon 18 Jun 2018 06:58:27 PM IDT



short answer is yes!!!!!!


everyone starts out with the interests that drew them to bdsm in the first place.    as you learn about other forms of play and try things your kinks can change to accomodate your new interests.  

and you can drop old kinks if you have replaced them with more exciting and for you funner kinks.


its called growth.  

playing with someone should scratch both of your itches  but it should allow for growth and encourage both parties to change and experiment and experience new stuff.


some hard limits   should stay hard limits.


but soft limits are meant to be sexplored and maybe embraced

and sometimes  pushed with agreement from everyone involved.

1 day ago. Mon 18 Jun 2018 06:53:38 PM IDT

Announcing that you are bored is not the best ice breaker.

If i told you i was bored would not give a damn ...and so you know what i think


but what im really thinking is......


is it truly boredom or are you just not interested any longer  by the endless repetition of your life????


 change things up but dont expect strangers to entertain you.  

1 day ago. Mon 18 Jun 2018 06:49:42 PM IDT

First of all it depends on how intensely or extremely you play. 


the short answer is...if you have marks or bruises ....wait until they heal before you play again.


its not any more complicated than that.

1 day ago. Mon 18 Jun 2018 06:46:14 PM IDT

Every so often this question reaches my ears and well its no small point.

But way before it reaches this point a sub can ask questions in the beginning that will give a clear heads up to the personality of the Dominant who is under consideration.

Simply ask the prospective D if they have ever ignored a subs  limit and why.  Now listen very carefully to the answer.

And honestly if they have ignored a limit before chances are they will do it again. And chances are they will do it to YOU.

If you decide to make a go of it with this person you will then risk getting emotionally tangled up with them and well your heart will have a way of complicating all of it.  Then it will be hard for you when you are saying  he repeatedly ignores my limits  but i love Him or Her.

And while we are at it...asking a prospective D  if They have pictures of the forms of play they engage in is valid.  of course be prepared for all kinds of excuses.  but i have a portfolio of hundreds of my play pictures...most of em dont have my face in them.

If the D is still on good terms with the exe subs and the reasons why blah blah dont matter.   pictures taken of their rope work  shared with you wont divulge who that person was.  wont tell you where they live.  someone parting on good terms will have access to pictures of their creative and kinky work to share with you.

and a heads up...someone with pictures that are not home made may not end up being the play partner you fantasize or hope you will find.

if you lower your standards   that is what you are going to get in the end.

1 week ago. Sun 10 Jun 2018 05:30:52 PM IDT

Mainly this goes out to the ladies...but it can be useful knowledge for the boys...well the ones who genuinely care about helping their partners be the best they can be.


Orgasms..yes i talk about them a lot.   Aside from the pleasure part of them...and the fun getting there...they have a few beneficial perks  shall we say.


Well many of us have those lumpy bellies that really annoy us.   they get in the way of the zippers on our jeans...and they do much for making us hate ourselves.    and blah blah blah..eating right...and blah blah blah exercise....but wait a minute........exercise....not the i hate to work out nonsense.....but orgasms...yes we are back to those...ha ha...getting to the orgasm is a work out of sorts.....and when you have that orgasm  you will notice that your belly tenses  up with a great belly crunch.  

Now you all know why it is that i advocate orgasms  out side of the will cut down on your belly just have to make time daily for them and keep at it.  become dedicated to your orgasms.  this way you wont make your sore knee worse ..or ruin anything else you need on your body for the rest of the long haul.    work smart. 

my avatar is really me...and it shows that bellies  can slim down.


there are emotional benefits too as well.  but think about this point...i mean really think about it.....when you you instantly think you need a pasta dinner????   no.   you are happy and content and the last thing on your mind are hungry.   try this just for fun.....if you can..and you have a hunger pain...go rub one out and see what i mean.  i know a sub who did this and lost 80 pounds in a year.   

seriously when you are happy.....happy chemicals in your brain.   instead of being stressed and packing more inches around your waist .....have orgasms  and be happy.....or do stomach crunches  cause obviously THEY WORK and dont enjoy any of the pleasure.    again.....its a choice and make your choice...


oh and boys......there is another effect giving your partner orgasms  has for them AND your relationship with them.   first of all YOU have to make a choice to put THEM FIRST before yourself....(that was a spoiler- you have to be smart enough to get that). so yeah .....its a choice...and lets just say when you choose them first, you could end up with a happy person who will expend a lot of energy to put YOU first.  so look at put them first ...they put you becomes a very pleasureable circle.   and lets just say ...there are no 12 step programs (spoiler alert again) to help either of you stop.

so for the shit heads who only think about themselves and will only ever think about truly deserve to never find that sub or slave you fantasize about because you dont deserve them and cant do right by them.   karma has a way of being a real bitch.   and the forces of the universe wont send you anyone fun if you cannot make it fun for them.   

for the record ...i love sitting back and watching for karma to even things up....karma always does.



3 weeks ago. Thu 24 May 2018 12:56:19 AM IDT

lets do this together to see how everone thinks shall we???



the email arrives in your email and it says....


you have fantastic pictures, we might have a lot in common ....lets talk



lets go to this persons profile....and we see not much but there are 6 lets check them out

picture number 1.  smallish looking white rope flogger that is very very frayed.

2.  face pic.....hes not bad looking.  does not look like a pirate from the carribbean or what i would consider a mass murderer

3.  picture with 4..count them ...4 lengths of white rope all neatly tied up individually

4.  Picture of a deer in front of trees grazing on uncut grass..(??? but i shrug)

5.  picture of an emoji with a phrase that says...add me on kik with his addy or name or whatever that is


6.  now 6 is a picture with an assortment of stuff in it which needs your close inspection because while there are clues to this person in the 1st 5 pictures ...there could be a lot of information in the toy picture.


a blindfold,a nicer one..not a piece of rag of some old shirt

6 various butt plugs

a vibrating butt plug

a package of vibrating nipple clamps....yes they are in the package

3 different strands of gradated anal balls on strings

couple of rubber bands

a cock ring

2 mouse traps( perk)

leather strap with snaps (unable to tell what this is)

black drawstring from a bag (its not neat so think about that)

and finally a syringe that might have come from a basting kit for that turkey that got fried


so while im interested to hear what anyone else thinks ....let me point out a few things.


the butt plugs and vibrating one...shows you his focus or he got a deal on them or they were given to him but chances are he is into plugging up a random ass here and there

the vibrating one might mean that he really is interested in seeing that you get a thrill from him

the nipple clamps in the package....bad sign.  are they in the package cause they are  new? or are they just for show and tell.  he has a cool toy or so he thinks.   

now the mouse traps....that is different...they can be used as nipple clamps...dangerous if allowed to snap on a nipple but stimulatiing if placed on gently after getting the nipple hard.  and a word to the wise ....using a mouse trap on a nip is kinda intense. not really  for a beginner.  takes some experience to tolerate.

whats concerning clothespins.  clothespins are very practical, they are cheap and really do a great job.   he has rubber bands go around the tits, but no clothespins for the nips......(this fact here is what made me decline further discussion)

now the cock ring tells me that he is gonna get something for him.   the presence of that thing says he might even put himself first ....

so the strap the string the syringe....the syringe might be to lube the asshole...but there is not a bottle of lube.


so an important fact that needs to be said is....yes no doubt you may have seen ppl boast about using a womans holes when she is dry.  good way to get yourself hurt. never ever agree to it until you have had some experience. and never agree to anything going into your ass dry.  it takes many many months to heal an anal tear. its very painful and you have to take stool softeners to help you heal.


this guy will not get to go have coffee with me.   his toy bag shows he is almost incompatable with me.   i love impact play.  he has one impact toy.  i love tit and nipple bondage and torture and his rubber bands and pakaged nipple clamps are way kindergarten for me....although the mouse traps did seem promising.


the big thing that is missing is a hitacchi.  that translates into forced orgasms for me.   no one is going to restrain me, stuff my ass, use me including the use of that cock ring..and i know to begin with there arent going to be any orgasms  until i make it happen for myself.

ive never counted my dildos and my butt plugs but im sure i have at least a dozen of different things that i can use to stuff my own ass hole.he has four undeterminable lengths of rope.  i have no idea if he is any good with rope and what he can do with such a small amount.    if i brought all my leather restraints   then the 4 lengths of rope....might work but it would be me topping from the bottom and for sure that aint gonna happen.

i just wont work that hard.

the blindfold.   while blindfolds are fun...i have a really nice one  that was given to me to wear on the airplane when i fly.  this guys blindfold isnt close.  and i have one...i dont need someone elses  to play with.

so really....i have funner toys at home and i can totally self spank myself.  why am i going to waste the gas in the car going to meet this guy.   its not my responsibility to train anyone.  and if i start my car it better be a guarantee that the trip is gonna be a win win for ME.

so feel free to sound off about whether you would play with him and why.  

mwah everyone

3 weeks ago. Wed 23 May 2018 06:42:56 PM IDT

another lesson in "dominant weeding"


so todays email is from a young man in his late 20's. He asks if i am owned.


before a reply is crafted i go pull up his profile and i carefully read it over.  and i dont miss the part where he states he has explored his dom side a little.

but remember now..he asked me if i was owned.

so his intent is to seemingly "own" me..

so here is what is posted on his profile.....

i really don't know what to say anymore cause i try putting the things I've done before and people say that all I'm looking for is sex, i post what I'm looking for and people say its not enough you're a fake....

I'm looking to be a sub, a slave i want someone to tie me up play with me put me in my place. I want to serve someone i want to be under someones wing and show me the ropes. Ive experienced being a Dom, I've experienced being tied up but it wasn't really much i want some one that can own me, yes own me...if you're a sub yes i would want to play also :)


honestly.....i can understand someone wanting a mentor.  he spends more time wanting to experience play as a sub.  but really he is willing to play both sides of the fence.

lets be honest real life bdsm someone needs to know enough to be the person in charge.  its dangerous to have someone tie you up when they dont know what they are doing

it can all be really confusing.   there is way more involved than 2 folks deciding which role to "play".

and so was his email that started all this

Wow awesome pics?? Are you currently owned?...not much ....but after thinking about it was my answer

im owned. and i would even tell you im owned anyway cause you are a male sub...and there is a big difference from a Dominant who knows his shit and a male sub who is looking for kinky sex. im not a whore. i am 57 years old. why is it that kids your age are always looking for older women??? cause you are messes and the women your age are chasing the old men cause they THINK they might be easier to hang out with? good luck

but actually i understand why young adults chase after older members of the opposite learn from their experience.....but from what ive seen lately of the talent out can be an old person and still not know a lot about fun bdsm play.

so i am thinking that trying to get sexed is just that....someones attempt to get stuff for free and hopefully it will backfire all the time of them for them being ignorant and trying to use people.

think what you will of me but the above is the way ive been taught to discern the emails that i receive.  you can be sure that if i have sex with anyone that there is something they can and will do for me or they arent getting laid.

i am sharing this for the other women to see another glimpse of the real bullshit that gets dished out.

read the profiles of the other people.  pay attention to stuff before you get involved with them.

we have had a recent issue with a sub collector.   im not naming names but we need to start speaking openly about it.

there is poly.   but poly has nothing to do with people who collect subs making each sub think that they are the only sub.  its a discussion we need to have.

4 weeks ago. Mon 21 May 2018 02:31:11 AM IDT

If you have surfed around other sites with bdsm undertones or overtones, you may have seen certain behaviours such as subs or slaves speaking in 3rd person, or subs or slaves addressing Dominants by titles. And then there is sitting kneeling and what i absolutely loath.....curtseys.  some members of certain sites will insist that Dominants or Tops cap their names and subs and slaves and bottoms write their name in all lower case. i will share that everytime i see someone curtsey...i imagine i am holding a long 2x4 in my hands and then they execute that bend i slap them as hard as i can with said 2x4.  thats just  what my mind does.  so if you dont mind me thinking and imagining that all means  curtsey as much as you like for me its entertainment. 

but other behaviours are not quite so entertaining for all of us.

no this does not need to be a protocol room....but if some of you would like that...the rest of us would have no problem with you making a room and some might even join you.


so age play , animal play, anything that you find someone willing to do with you is great ...but make yourself a space for it so you have privacy..  feel free to invite anyone to your room that you think might enjoy it.


but lately there have been certain behaviours exhibited and im concerned it may give off the wrong idea.  being friendly with someone in the room and teasing is fine but when it goes beyond and someone wants to jump to someones defence or protection that is a heads up.


and before i go any further.  everyone needs to remember that  some ppl will only ever have online relationships and for wanking thats fine and they are entitled to it.    but dont give the impression that you are living stuff real life when you arent.  it sets wrong examples.  and new people can get the wrong impression or idea.  as a community it would be best for us to help and educate one another but W/we all have to be mindful of the fact that some peeps are gonna be here to just take advantage of ppl.


and sometimes our lives can get the best of us...and when W/we are sitting at a keyboard it can be easy to release our frustrations out on our behaviour in the chat room.  from time to time we all have a bad day here and there.   but appearing to be manic and really going head strong day after day gives other new ppl a wrong example.

with my youngest childs graduation still very fresh in my mind i want to speak about  being ready for a bdsm relationship.

to have a true bdsm relationship is amazing and it takes a lot of work. our society today  teaches that we can have it all and the example is set to have everything all at once.  all at the same time.

honestly being married, raising kids, working a job, going to school and then adding searching for a bdsm relationship ....can turn out to be a bit much.  its not easy

as i watched my son walk across a stage today i was reminded strongly that  now today He has His education, He has been working not one but 2 jobs.   He gave up a relationship that was starting to get in the way of his appearance on that stage today.   i was struck by the fact that He is managing what He can manage right now today for himself.

and i think that some of us just reach for way too much to do without being conscious of having priorities.  

we need to have priorities.  expecting someone else to come into our lives and clean up our messes is expecting a lot.  and its not fair to the other person.

of course someone looking in ...from the outside can have the ability to help us with our rougher edges....but it makes sense for anyone searching for a solid relationship to be the very best they can be for that possible other person.  get your education, get a job in your field, get established and then look to other things. have priorities.when i was home raising young children my priority was them and their educations and their well being.  i put myself on hold  but held my act together the best that i could.  there is nothing wrong with having children  but make them the priority while you have them home with you.  For sure as a 30 something i could never have learned and experienced BDSM the way i have been able to at 50 something. it would not have  filled my empty places then, the way it does now.

be realistic with yourself and with anyone else you try to include in your life.

if you have a chronic health issue that requires daily on your meds....being an adult means that you dont need to be harassed and hounded to take meds that you know will keep your body working for you.

if you have other personality habits that intrude upon your life ...dont expect someone else to come along and straighten it out.  and if you do get lucky and someone does and is willing to undertake your issues....listen to them and work with them.

and by all means.....have great BDSM experiences ...and share them.   learn about true BDSM and explore the world.  its amazing.  if you dont, or cant or wont......have a heart ....dont set an example that isnt a good example.  dont mislead anyone.


by all means...for yourself ...have it your way...but dont lie to others   and dont set bad examples.


1 month ago. Thu 17 May 2018 02:59:58 AM IDT

yes squirting is a highly contended subject here i remembered while i was masterbating on my own earlier today.   is it pee or is it something else. 

well i really dont care except....i do pee before i doubt i have any urine left to squirt with if it is urine.

but as i was mopping up my puddle from beneath the lawn chair i use.....i was musing quite a bit and decided that regardless of the chemical make up.....

when i is highly euphoric for me.....and really.....squirting makes me feel like a porn when im done squirting i dont give a fuck about what its made from.   i feel good and that is what matters!!!!!

p.s.  anyone who takes the time to argue with me will  be immediately blocked.   thats just how its gonna be.



and many many orgasms to us all!