Contemplative musings of a sub.

lets do this together to see how everone thinks shall we???

the email arrives in your email and it says....

you have fantastic pictures, we might have a lot in common ....lets talk

so 

lets go to this persons profile....and we see not much but there are 6 pictures...so lets check them out

picture number 1.  smallish looking white rope flogger that is very very frayed.

2.  face pic.....hes not bad looking.  does not look like a pirate from the carribbean or what i would consider a mass murderer

3.  picture with 4..count them ...4 lengths of white rope all neatly tied up individually

4.  Picture of a deer in front of trees grazing on uncut grass..(??? but i shrug)

5.  picture of an emoji with a phrase that says...add me on kik with his addy or name or whatever that is

but

6.  now 6 is a picture with an assortment of stuff in it which needs your close inspection because while there are clues to this person in the 1st 5 pictures ...there could be a lot of information in the toy picture.

a blindfold,a nicer one..not a piece of rag of some old shirt

6 various butt plugs

a vibrating butt plug

a package of vibrating nipple clamps....yes they are in the package

3 different strands of gradated anal balls on strings

couple of rubber bands

a cock ring

2 mouse traps( perk)

leather strap with snaps (unable to tell what this is)

black drawstring from a bag (its not neat so think about that)

and finally a syringe that might have come from a basting kit for that turkey that got fried

so while im interested to hear what anyone else thinks ....let me point out a few things.

the butt plugs and vibrating one...shows you his focus or he got a deal on them or they were given to him but chances are he is into plugging up a random ass here and there

the vibrating one might mean that he really is interested in seeing that you get a thrill from him

the nipple clamps in the package....bad sign.  are they in the package cause they are  new? or are they just for show and tell.  he has a cool toy or so he thinks.   

now the mouse traps....that is different...they can be used as nipple clamps...dangerous if allowed to snap on a nipple but stimulatiing if placed on gently after getting the nipple hard.  and a word to the wise ....using a mouse trap on a nip is kinda intense. not really  for a beginner.  takes some experience to tolerate.

whats concerning is.....no clothespins.  clothespins are very practical, they are cheap and really do a great job.   he has rubber bands .....to go around the tits, but no clothespins for the nips......(this fact here is what made me decline further discussion)

now the cock ring tells me that he is gonna get something for him.   the presence of that thing says he might even put himself first ....

so the strap the string the syringe....the syringe might be to lube the asshole...but there is not a bottle of lube.

so an important fact that needs to be said is....yes no doubt you may have seen ppl boast about using a womans holes when she is dry.  good way to get yourself hurt. never ever agree to it until you have had some experience. and never agree to anything going into your ass dry.  it takes many many months to heal an anal tear. its very painful and you have to take stool softeners to help you heal.

so...

this guy will not get to go have coffee with me.   his toy bag shows he is almost incompatable with me.   i love impact play.  he has one impact toy.  i love tit and nipple bondage and torture and his rubber bands and pakaged nipple clamps are way kindergarten for me....although the mouse traps did seem promising.

the big thing that is missing is a hitacchi.  that translates into ...no forced orgasms for me.   no one is going to restrain me, stuff my ass, use me including the use of that cock ring..and i know to begin with there arent going to be any orgasms  until i make it happen for myself.

ive never counted my dildos and my butt plugs but im sure i have at least a dozen of different things that i can use to stuff my own ass hole.he has four undeterminable lengths of rope.  i have no idea if he is any good with rope and what he can do with such a small amount.    if i brought all my leather restraints   then the 4 lengths of rope....might work but it would be me topping from the bottom and for sure that aint gonna happen.

i just wont work that hard.

the blindfold.   while blindfolds are fun...i have a really nice one  that was given to me to wear on the airplane when i fly.  this guys blindfold isnt close.  and i have one...i dont need someone elses  to play with.

so really....i have funner toys at home and i can totally self spank myself.  why am i going to waste the gas in the car going to meet this guy.   its not my responsibility to train anyone.  and if i start my car it better be a guarantee that the trip is gonna be a win win for ME.

so feel free to sound off about whether you would play with him and why.  

mwah everyone

another lesson in "dominant weeding"

so todays email is from a young man in his late 20's. He asks if i am owned.

before a reply is crafted i go pull up his profile and i carefully read it over.  and i dont miss the part where he states he has explored his dom side a little.

but remember now..he asked me if i was owned.

so his intent is to seemingly "own" me..

so here is what is posted on his profile.....

i really don't know what to say anymore cause i try putting the things I've done before and people say that all I'm looking for is sex, i post what I'm looking for and people say its not enough you're a fake....

I'm looking to be a sub, a slave i want someone to tie me up play with me put me in my place. I want to serve someone i want to be under someones wing and show me the ropes. Ive experienced being a Dom, I've experienced being tied up but it wasn't really much i want some one that can own me, yes own me...if you're a sub yes i would want to play also :)

honestly.....i can understand someone wanting a mentor.  he spends more time wanting to experience play as a sub.  but really he is willing to play both sides of the fence.

lets be honest here....in real life bdsm someone needs to know enough to be the person in charge.  its dangerous to have someone tie you up when they dont know what they are doing

it can all be really confusing.   there is way more involved than 2 folks deciding which role to "play".

and so ...here was his email that started all this

Wow awesome pics?? Are you currently owned?...not much ....but after thinking about it ...here was my answer

im owned. and i would even tell you im owned anyway cause you are a male sub...and there is a big difference from a Dominant who knows his shit and a male sub who is looking for kinky sex. im not a whore. i am 57 years old. why is it that kids your age are always looking for older women??? cause you are messes and the women your age are chasing the old men cause they THINK they might be easier to hang out with? good luck

but actually i understand why young adults chase after older members of the opposite sex.....to learn from their experience.....but from what ive seen lately of the talent out there...you can be an old person and still not know a lot about fun bdsm play.

so i am thinking that trying to get sexed is just that....someones attempt to get stuff for free and hopefully it will backfire all the time of them for them being ignorant and trying to use people.

think what you will of me but the above is the way ive been taught to discern the emails that i receive.  you can be sure that if i have sex with anyone that there is something they can and will do for me or they arent getting laid.

i am sharing this for the other women to see another glimpse of the real bullshit that gets dished out.

read the profiles of the other people.  pay attention to stuff before you get involved with them.

we have had a recent issue with a sub collector.   im not naming names but we need to start speaking openly about it.

there is poly.   but poly has nothing to do with people who collect subs making each sub think that they are the only sub.  its a discussion we need to have.

If you have surfed around other sites with bdsm undertones or overtones, you may have seen certain behaviours such as subs or slaves speaking in 3rd person, or subs or slaves addressing Dominants by titles. And then there is sitting kneeling and what i absolutely loath.....curtseys.  some members of certain sites will insist that Dominants or Tops cap their names and subs and slaves and bottoms write their name in all lower case. i will share that everytime i see someone curtsey...i imagine i am holding a long 2x4 in my hands and then they execute that bend i slap them as hard as i can with said 2x4.  thats just  what my mind does.  so if you dont mind me thinking and imagining that ...by all means  curtsey as much as you like for me its entertainment. 

but other behaviours are not quite so entertaining for all of us.

no this does not need to be a protocol room....but if some of you would like that...the rest of us would have no problem with you making a room and some might even join you.

so age play , animal play, anything that you find someone willing to do with you is great ...but make yourself a space for it so you have privacy..  feel free to invite anyone to your room that you think might enjoy it.

but lately there have been certain behaviours exhibited and im concerned it may give off the wrong idea.  being friendly with someone in the room and teasing is fine but when it goes beyond and someone wants to jump to someones defence or protection that is a heads up.

and before i go any further.  everyone needs to remember that  some ppl will only ever have online relationships and for wanking thats fine and they are entitled to it.    but dont give the impression that you are living stuff real life when you arent.  it sets wrong examples.  and new people can get the wrong impression or idea.  as a community it would be best for us to help and educate one another but W/we all have to be mindful of the fact that some peeps are gonna be here to just take advantage of ppl.

and sometimes our lives can get the best of us...and when W/we are sitting at a keyboard it can be easy to release our frustrations out on our behaviour in the chat room.  from time to time we all have a bad day here and there.   but appearing to be manic and really going head strong day after day gives other new ppl a wrong example.

with my youngest childs graduation still very fresh in my mind i want to speak about  being ready for a bdsm relationship.

to have a true bdsm relationship is amazing and it takes a lot of work. our society today  teaches that we can have it all and the example is set to have everything all at once.  all at the same time.

honestly being married, raising kids, working a job, going to school and then adding searching for a bdsm relationship ....can turn out to be a bit much.  its not easy

as i watched my son walk across a stage today i was reminded strongly that  now today He has His education, He has been working not one but 2 jobs.   He gave up a relationship that was starting to get in the way of his appearance on that stage today.   i was struck by the fact that He is managing what He can manage right now today for himself.

and i think that some of us just reach for way too much to do without being conscious of having priorities.  

we need to have priorities.  expecting someone else to come into our lives and clean up our messes is expecting a lot.  and its not fair to the other person.

of course someone looking in ...from the outside can have the ability to help us with our rougher edges....but it makes sense for anyone searching for a solid relationship to be the very best they can be for that possible other person.  get your education, get a job in your field, get established and then look to other things. have priorities.when i was home raising young children my priority was them and their educations and their well being.  i put myself on hold  but held my act together the best that i could.  there is nothing wrong with having children  but make them the priority while you have them home with you.  For sure as a 30 something i could never have learned and experienced BDSM the way i have been able to at 50 something. it would not have  filled my empty places then, the way it does now.

be realistic with yourself and with anyone else you try to include in your life.

if you have a chronic health issue that requires daily meds....be on your meds....being an adult means that you dont need to be harassed and hounded to take meds that you know will keep your body working for you.

if you have other personality habits that intrude upon your life ...dont expect someone else to come along and straighten it out.  and if you do get lucky and someone does and is willing to undertake your issues....listen to them and work with them.

and by all means.....have great BDSM experiences ...and share them.   learn about true BDSM and explore the world.  its amazing.  if you dont, or cant or wont......have a heart ....dont set an example that isnt a good example.  dont mislead anyone.

by all means...for yourself ...have it your way...but dont lie to others   and dont set bad examples.

yes squirting is a highly contended subject here ...as i remembered while i was masterbating on my own earlier today.   is it pee or is it something else. 

well i really dont care except....i do pee before masterbating....so i doubt i have any urine left to squirt with if it is urine.

but as i was mopping up my puddle from beneath the lawn chair i use.....i was musing quite a bit and decided that regardless of the chemical make up.....

when i squirt......it is highly euphoric for me.....and really.....squirting makes me feel like a porn star......so when im done squirting i dont give a fuck about what its made from.   i feel good and that is what matters!!!!!

p.s.  anyone who takes the time to argue with me will  be immediately blocked.   thats just how its gonna be.

peace...

and many many orgasms to us all!

in case anyone is wondering......

Im a happy go lucky ray....of fucking sunshine!!!!!

just gotta love life!!!!!

so my current avatar picture....has generated quite a bit of activity for me both here and on fet. 

and i do the dance with them when they want to talk.  the emails can be interesting.  

so the reality is some guys just want to get laid and will lie about anything to get you to meet them face to face.  

so for those of us looking for serious play partners it can be really problematic.  

for example a recent exchange went like this:

him: is your mind always in the gutter like me  lol

me: well my gutter is labeled B D S M

him: do you love to roleplay and be spanked roughly

me: yes but im not a one night stand

him: im hoping you want weely consistent play? (and thats a line of bullshit it wont go beyond a week)

me: i do and everyone says they do but its never the case.  what are your kinks? what does someones ass look like when you are done with it?

him: bright ass red are you a moaner or screamer

me:been trained to be as quiet and respectful as possible

him: what if i told you i want you being loud and whimpering

me: im not an actress

him: do you like to be watcched as you play with your pussy

me:yes

him: send me a face pic

me: you will get one if i decide to meet you.  we have just begun to chat.  im not a whore.  im looking for serious play partners. not guys looking for a one night stand or the thrill of scoring an older woman

and i can guarantee you that no one has called me ugly

(but i sent the picture of me dressed as a pirate wench)

him: you look naughty..how tall are you

me: 5'2"im a good naughty girl..vanilla with a twist. my idea of fun is got giving random blow jobs to guys for half assed attempts to pretend to be a dominant.

its not how i have fun.

.........silence.......

me: see thats why i dont send face pics

but dont worry ..im sure there is a whore out there somewhere just waiting for you.

so Here is the teaching lesson.

first of all ....he very rarely answered my questions....thats  a huge red flag.  if they do this to you how do you think they will treat you in real person.

his reference to being in the gutter translates to......im looking for sex with no strings attached  aka  one night stand

the reference to consistent play means....oh  maybe you will whore me on a regular basis...i would like that

he never assured there would be consistent play...translates too...im gonna treat you like a whore at least one time

asking about moaning or screaming.....and then wanting loud and whimpering....another sign he wants to use you for sex.

the picture thing translates to ....im gonna wank tonight to your picture so im already using you as a whore

whether you like it or not

which is why i sent a halloween picture of me with another guy.....to send the message that im not desperate for him...remind him i dont need him or his cock

height.....that was all about making me conscious of my height....i am short therefore i am only good to service him and give him what he wants.  i can then be thrown away

he doesnt want a kinkster....he isnt even remotely kinky....he is just an asshole looking for free sex and prolly using women to make himself feel better when he gets over on them.

if he was kinky  he would have taken the opportunity to tell me what turns him on bdsm wise and he would have been touching himself the whole time.

this is why i talk as much as possible about peoples  kinks.  i want all the subs out there to hear how people with kinks  talk about their kinks and how they feel.   i want subs to be able to pick up on when someone wants a whore and isnt really kinky.   

i want subs to stop being taken advantage of.

and i want them to be smarter and wiser and able to out walk and talk the assholes out there.

and since i am in a teaching mode here ...lets talk about profiles.    you have every right to look at anyones profile  but read them ...there will always be clues  to their nature.   and look at pictures.   anyone who posts pictures that look professional dont have pictures of their own. 

if you see spanking pictures  and there are two bright red spots on the butt cheeks the person has a horrible spanking technique and if you let them spank you .....it will be very painful with no eroticism in it.

more importantly .just because someone reaches out to you..it does NOT mean that you are obligated to have anything to do with them.   insist on talking to them and really pay attention to the shit they tell you.   dont rush into anything with anyone.  make them really talk to you.

the assholes that want to use you as a whore will spend very little time before deciding you wont sex them.

So everyone has been burned in the relationship game.   It stings especially for us non-vanilla folk because of the hormones, the chemical changes in our brains that happen and our feelings. Our relationships can go as deep as a wedding ring...or deeper way beyond that.   depends on the chemistry ...depends on the people involved.

I personally am very fond of this chat site.   It feels like home.  i am comfortable here.   and i genuinely like and care for most of the chatters that frequent the chat room.  From time to time a few of ya have irritated me to the point where i felt the need to get mouthy with you but i try to overcome my initial irritation and move on.   I dont expect anything out of any of you beyond friendship and good conversation.   yes even if i have to say crazy stuff and share things that really get some of you talking.  some days peeps its like pulling teeth.  but some of you are catching on and i like that.

And well not one week goes by where there isnt a story related in chat by someone sharing a disappointment in someone that may have turned out to be special for them.   it sucks.  for the most part i bite my tongue and practice my patience  skills and maybe try to persuade someone to get it all out so they can move on and get over it.  but its not easy....i know that...and i dont expect anyone to have an easy time of it.   its a learning process and the best that the rest of us can do is to practice our patience and lend our shoulders for someone to lean on while they process and try to make sense out of what has happened and their hurt and anger.

I've spent many hours in chat rooms.  and there were genuine times that i have reached out and tried to help or actually helped someone whether it was by a connection or a favor or my means....  i try to stay grateful for what i have and happy with what i do have.  once i called in a favor for a young sub who was sharing in chat that she had tumors growing in her girl parts and no way to have them seen to.  well turned out she had stuff growing allright...not a tumor but a child.  And she bailed after admitting to a surgeons assistant that it was a baby ...after air fare and hotels and professional services were all lined up.  i was very naive...and learned quite a lot on that one.

and then next really rough one involved a sub who another chatter recognized out in public.   this chatter had mental issues and snapped when the sub declined his advances. so she was stalked.  and her horse was poisoned 3 times ...the third try succeeding in killing the poor creature.  all this happened after the sub spent a lot of energy pursueing a chat room relationship with me.  i felt protective of her  and so i let her ""in"" to my inner circle.   and i introduced her to my Master and Sir grew to like her and she was close to being included in the poly group.  Sir helped her financially here and there...and i did too. encouraged her to seek employment as an emt in my town. would have let her live with me and i dont live in a shack.  things could have worked out for her to where she could be financially stable and suddenly she threw it all away...she got wacky with me ..she couldnt be involved with Sir and still be my friend.  slowly she turned on me.   i had nothing to gain except the pleasure of seeing her end up with a better life for herself.  so not sure where she is living now.  there is no contact.   W/we know that she has a girlfriend who was hell bent on keeping her there with her just because she wanted her.  she was jealous of the relationship that had started between the sub and my Sir.

personally it hurts me very deeply.   ""she"" wanted in with me or U/us not really sure if she wanted Sir or me. part of me wonders if she was using me to get to Sir...and thats on her.   But she wont even contact Sir.  Sir found me in a terrible situation years ago and HE worked with me and got me stable and on my feet.   and i know that the same could happen for her ...

but i guess W/we all need to realize that there are indeed some nasty people out there.   i can only effect the way i behave.  its easy for any of U/us to expect others to act the way we would in situations but it simply is not realistic. but its where our anger starts with others.

i havent decided that i wont help anyone else out in the future.   because i will if i think i should.  the idea that anyone would emotionally work over another human being to keep them living in a place they dont want to live in just boggles my mind.  our collars allow us to make choices ..make relationships possible where we are "owned" but in a good way.   i've seen someone trying to own someone in a bad way and it disappoints me terribly.

ghosting is a terrible thing to do to someone who might genuinely care about you.

just one of the new toys that i have recently bought.  waiting for it to be delivered.  of course its only part of my game....i would have to add a posture collar, a gag of some sort......and there needs to be a blindfold.  then its time to move on down the body.......soo much fun

its amazing that the russians dont have anything better to do with millions of dollars like feeding their people,educating their children, caring for the elderly or replacing their country's infrastructure.  

but its necessary for them to interfere with America's politics.  Putin  being their head of government is responsible ...this is HIS watch.  And now ..the whole country of Russia has been embarrassed in the face of the American people.

what russian family will the bolshiveks now blame and murder????  they are fresh out of their russian royals!!!!!

as i sit in front of a window showing a wintery landscape i am reminded that just as winter is a season...this current time in my life is also a season.

with the recent split in my D/s relationship....i am  acutely aware that most of my life has changed  like a volcanic eruption.

and like the magma that spills forth from an angry volcano.....i have sometimes not very patiently waited for my anger and hurt to cool off and get to the point where it will no longer burn me when touched.

so i found ways to keep busy ...and entertain myself ...distracting myself from the ever present magma that fills my heart and i learned a few things about myself.

now more than ever....i have a clear understanding of myself...i have a dark side and oh hell yeah i accept it...and then there is my brightness .

im not bi-polar but i do have 3 distinct sides to my personality....the quiet and sweet side, the fun and crazy side, and the side that you never ever want to see.

when i really dont want to talk to you.....i have the ""dont fuck with me wall" that i erect... its very thick and strong and you wont get through it many have tried and failed

when it comes to love its very clear cut and simple...if you are gonna love me.....then love me...i dont have time for games. if you are afraid of loving me...keep walking

You need to realize at some point.....im gonna stop giving someone the benefit of the doubt and just move the fuck along

With me...i  am okay with allowing someone to stay in  my heart.....but not in my life.

I am not a princess....i dont need to be saved.....I AM A QUEEN  and i can handle my own shit very effectively.

i will never mistakenly put the key to my happiness inside someone else's pocket.

i can like someone....but at times when it comes to my space, i need my space and you better get out.

i wont pretend to like you if i dont actually like you

if you dont find yourself loving my spirit, heart and character then you need to leave

one of the reasons why i am happpy and bright and cheery is because i know my life isnt perfect....but im happy with what i have and im grateful to have it.  

i am creative and independent.

i wont hang out with toxic people

if i want something i wont give up easily

always look forward to the next adventure waiting just around the next corner

one of my coldest features   like the ice and snow outside is my ability to detach myself from anyone.

either you want to be with me or you dont

im gonna be like an elevator and stop and let you off.

putting me on a backburner causes me to loose interest and drift off

never underestimate my ability to stop giving a fuck about you

treat me how you want to be treated

show me your heart and that its in the right place concerning me

causing drama around me is a fast way to get cut off

Treat me well and i will move mountains to make you happy.....Hurt me and I will drop those mountains on your head.

dont kick me when im down cause when i get back up  you are seriously fucked.

So  yes  the snow is still outside....and despite the snow i am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from people and things that are suddenly no longer meant for me.

if you hear me laffing its because  ive been silly again.....expecting too much from people....girl  time to stop that!!!