Hello Cage ^_^ so, i recently started a discord server with the purpose of helping people understand themselves, love and relationships, with a strong focus on bdsm as a lifestyle. I am looking for some people who might want to be able to be available to talk with people and hell them learn about the lifestyle :) there would be a trial period of course and then if you feel like you can really be a help to people, we would love to have you. I am just reaching out here because i know there are a lot of very experienced, intelligent, compassionate and unique people here ^_^ anyway, to keep this from being an add haha, if you are interested, please message me and i will invite you to the server ^_^
I find that this best describes the land in which the human mind prefers to live in.
Seeing all the descrimination, judgement and hatred out there, being given to others and that i have and do experience; i have been thinking about this recently. I was asking myself, why hate at all? What is the compulsion that causes people to tear each other down? Every concept we have is dictaded by the group. Everything such as morality, gender roles, marriage traditions, sexuality and so on. Everything we consider to be "right" "good" "wrong" and "bad" are products of societal interactions. If that is true, then why do we judge and tear down others? I believe the answer to this is 3 parts.
The first part is "because it's easy, it feels good, and it's addictive." It's easy to say "You're wearing a collar? That's weird." This is a very mild example right? But it would be too easy to use a big one. This kind of statement is the most common form of persecution today i think. Not saying it's the most dangerous, but it is the most relatable. Most of us have been on both sides of this. It's so easy to act like this, it is almost impulsive! Plus, if they don't respond, or they recieve your statement well, or if others agree with you, it all somehow feels like "winning" like you are "right"; and that feels good. Whether you actually care or not, people (including myself) will still do this, because it's easy and it feels good. Usually the high wears off quicker and quicker so people will become more and more critical and more and more extreme, seeking to replace that high. Just like any addict they will ignore the harm they are causeing to themselves and others just to get that next high, that next feeling of "being right". For a split moment of feeling significant, a second of feeling important, a moment of feeling better than someone else... pride, that same old most dangerous of vices.
The second part is that it's actually part of natural selection. Did you know that you and the entire human species are hard-wired to survive? Humans and orher animals play an /active/ part in natural selection. It is actually part of our nature to detect weakness and inferiority in the herd and attempt to eliminate it. This can be done by removing the "different" one, or by improving them. The problem comes in the interpretation of weakness and inferiority. Natural selection proves that this can change. Something that once was a /desired/ trait, can become undesireable! The opposite is also true. However, most people don't want to accept that their once proud desireability which they built their entire identity around could suddenly now be bad, so they resist. Fights break out, a fight for survival.
The third part is humanity. We desire to be accepted, we desire to be loved. The easiest way to do that is to be in a group that all looks, acts and believes the same. For even one person to not love us, is hard for us to accept. We would rather be surrounded by a hall of mirrors than accept that someone may actually not love us. This is to varying degrees based each person's circumstances, but this is what drives us to swing from one extreme to the next in order to be accepted (im the most in support of this!) As well as trying to make everyone exaclty like us.
In essence, it is us not having control of our humanity, not understanding out nature and being too self absorbed that makes us judge others. I feel like focusing on loving others and javing the confidence to not need the approval of others is how we overcome these impulses. But these are just my thoughts in exploring what causes people to be mean, judgemental and/or hateful. Maybe understanding it will help me to be less effected and try to avoid doing it myself. Hopefully this was interesting for anyone reading :)
I have seen some stories floating around in the blogs and, as writing is a passion of mine, i thought i would give it a try.
The following story is soft-smut and hopefully beautiful. It is not meant to be a wank story, but im sure it could be. I just hope everyone enjoys it. Please let me know what you think!
Every morning, i wake up my Master with a blowjob. I wish i could say he wakes up to my warm velvet mouth on him, but he is too light a sleeper. It doesn't matter though, he knows what i am going to do, and i do it happily anyway. I don't know what it is, but i love the feeling when he fills my mouth. I have such a sense of pride, satisfaction and sexual electricity as each new spasm fills my mouth. I love the satisfied smile on his face after i take it down for him and smile. We both think its a lovely way to wake up. I always try to time it so we have about 10 minutes to cuddle before his alarm tells him it's time to go to work.
He never wants anything more than coffee before he leaves. So i roll out of bed and go to the kitchen. The coffee pot is automatic so i get out his favorite mug and pour. Three sugars, not too much milk, stirred gently as not to clink the glass.
I hear the water in the shower turn off and i head to the bathroom. I hand him the coffee as he finishes drying his hair, then i finish drying the rest of his body, taking special care, but still being as quick as i can. He pats my head and smiles at me as he leaves to get changed.
I gather the things he needs for work and put his packed lunch in his bag while he gets dressed. I remember to make sure he has that special folder he mentioned he needed to bring, and i make sure he sees me drop it in his bag as he approaches me, standing next to the door. He smiles at me again.
He takes his bag, hat, coat and hands me his empty mug. He kisses my forehead, and then with a soft hand under my chin he raises me to my tip toes and kisses me goodbye. Then he leaves.
Now it is time for me to get dressed. I put on my work clothes. A baggy T-shirt and some throw away jeans. Breakfast is quick, and instart by doing the dishes. I clean my dishes and Master's mug, it must be ready for tomorrow morning. Then i set about cleaning the house. I do all the general cleaning, sweeping and dusting and then go to my assigned "deep clean" room for today.
"Whew" once im done with that it's already lunch time. I make my lunch and sit with my laptop. It is lunch time for my Master too, so i hop on to our favorite site in order to spend time with him on his lunch. He tells me about his day so far, asks how my chores are going. I make sure the lunch i packed is to his liking and then it's time for him to go back to work. It's never long enough.
Now it is time for me to work on my skills. I spend an hour working on my writing as instructed. I don't mind, it has always been a passion of mine but i always put it off. Then i have to work on my online college classwork.
As i finish, i flop back, exhausted. My eyes catch the clock. I need to go to the gym now! I get changed and drive to the gym for an hour, as directed every day by my Master. I do my best and i feel pretty proud of myself when i leave.
I get home, change back into my work clothes and it's time to start dinner, Master will be home soon. Luckily, yesterday was grocery day, so i had already picked up everything i needed! I take care of my lunch mess and get dinner prepared but i don't turn on any heat. Before i put it in the oven, i need to shower and change. I take a shower and after i dry off, i use the scented body oul he likes. I put my work clothes in the laundry and change into my cutest outfit. I love how i look in these clothes. Now that i am all pretty and ready for my Master to come home, i return to the kitchen, set the timer and put dinner in the oven. "That's 45min to cook, plus 5 minutes for Master... should be right" it was always a game of mine to have the timer go off at just the right time.
I see his car pull up and i wait by the door. I open the door for him when he gets close. I help him hang up his hat and coat, then i help with his bag. He gives me a big hug, then i lead him to the bedroom where he takes me, bent over the bed for him. It doesn't take too long, it's a destress for him, but i still enjoy it. Not long after that, the oven timer goes off. I leave to pull dinner out of the oven before using the restroom to clean myself.
After dinner we sit and talk about our days. He goes first, then he asks me about my day. After some talking, he plays some video games, watches TV and it's time for bed. He takes me into the bedroom, my second reward for being good today, he makes love to me. He takes his time, driving my body like a violinist plays a violin that is precious to him. I feel my spirit float above me as i use every focus of my body to please him the way he is pleasing me, until there is only white, then red, the black and we are left panting and holding each other tightly.
Once we calm down and heart rates return to normal, we clean ourselves up, make order of the bed and cuddle close until we fall asleep.
Then, i wake up.
Hi everyone! I am always suprised at how many people actually read these. I hope that they can be helpful and empowering to everyone who reads.
So i recently took a couple days off from this site. I had to collect myself. The reason is, because im not perfect. I do try to make sure that is stressed in all my blogs haha. I 100% believe and try to live by the truths that i wrote about, but those are some lofty ideals that are hard to live by every minute of every day.
The biggest and most difficult struggle i have in my life and my personality is pride. It is the slipperiest and most destructive force that i know of. It's a lot like being insane really. Literally everyone could tell you about it, and a prideful person will say "im not crazy, you're crazy."
Pride disguises itself and mutates every day like an advanced flu virus. That is why it is important to have certain core beliefs. Because of what i believe about Love, i am able to more easily see my own pride.
This site has helped me in that i have seen my own hypocrasy. I have able to notice that, when a difference of opinion is the issue, i am usually really good :) i can discuss and learn, be educated and hopefully educate some :) however, i have noticed what a high horse i have allowed this to put me on. I have a voice that was whispering "look what a gracious debater and educater you are!" And my pride got to dangerous levels. I had another voice saying "Hail! Defender of the innocent and misunderstood!" I allowed it to get to me... this pride made me short-sighted and callus. When i thought i was right, i very quickly got acidic. I was no longer educational or compasionate. I hated seeing what i was doing.
So, part of combating pride is admitting it, openly. This is hard, because often you are making yourself vulnerable in front of people who are very likely to attack you. There may very well be people who have their own prideful reactions to your attempt to correct yours. At least for me, that really hurts (my pride). Some people will unjustly take credit for your change. Some people will accept apologies that they don't deserve and won't return what apologies they may in fact owe you. Some people will use your weakness and/or failure to discredit anything you have ever said or done. That makes it so hard to fight my own pride.
However, these are the losses that have to be accepted for losing a battle with my pride. It is so important that i admit it, get it out in the open and condemn it, to keep it from growing and doing any more damage.
It is only by forsaking our pride, making ourselves vulnerable and willingly accepting pain, that we can truly love.
I hope this helps someone or anyone who reads this. That it is inspiring, uplifting and/or empowering for you. You aren't alone, and you can win.
"In the moment when i truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment i also love him."
I think this quote will be difficult to accept for some, hard to understand for others, and entirely inconcievable to the rest. I consider myself to be a fairly "powerful" or adept Empath. I have an affinity for feeling how people feel, or have felt, including spirits or emotions that left a mark on a particular place or thing. Empathy comes pretty naturally for me. So i feel like i have an advantage in understanding the quote above.
So i view things like anger, malice, prejudice, hatred... they are all symptoms of festering wounds. There are always one or more emotional wounds which are left unattended which result in these outwardly negative feelings and a focus on trying to make ourselves feel better. The thing that makes it worse is that many times, we can't heal ourselves. Sometimes no one else can heal us either. So it becomes a feudal attempt which closes us off from the world emotionally and locks us in this self-absorbed loop of trying to make ourselves feel better. This is an emotional disease, and it's a killer. If left unattended, you will continue to hurt and leech off of everyone around you until you finally destroy yourself. The emotional death may take place long before the physical one, but that leaves behind an empty husk and creates real-life vampires. However, even emotional death can be healed, it's just very difficult and dangerous. I may make another blog about how to be a lamb lead to slaughter in order to tesurrect someone who is emotionally dead, but that is a whole different subject.
So, now the question is "why post any of this? Where is the challenge or where is the help?" Let's get to that now.
Have you ever judged someone? I know i have. I try not to, but i certainly am not perfect. In those moments, we are being self-centered. Even if what the person is doing is wrong, or hurtful, jusging them does nothing to fix it. We owe it to them, those around them, and ourselves to try and make the situation better. So how should we do that?
Im going to use bullying as an example. It's pretty simple, widely experienced and fairly understandable. If you see someone bullying someone else, verbally abusing and threatening physical violence, what should you do? Is rushing in violently to the rescue the answer? I know you are probably expecting me to say "no!" But if we are being honest, the answer is "maybe, but probably not."
Think of it this way. The bully is sick right? How do we treat a sick person? Especially a person with a deadly disease? A person who doesn't know they have this deadly disease. Is physical violence the immediate answer? Again, the answer is "maybe, but probably not." We can't allow this person to spread their deadly disease, however, we have to act with compassion. We take the proper steps to protect ourselves (like hazmat suits) and then we address them with compassion for their misfortune of contracting this disease. If the outbreak is severe enough, maybe we are talking quarentine, but that would be extreme. Im thinking more like the flu. If treated, it's not really that big of a deal, if left untreated, it can absolutely kill you. When you see someone with the flu, you are compassionate. You may avoid them, if you aren't healthy enough or careful enough yourself to avoid infection. However, if you care about them, and are close to them, you will most likely, carefully take care of them. Make sure they are getting the best medicine, taking in enough fluids, doctor's appointments, ect... emotional wounds are the same way. And should be treated the same. Now, what if you see someone sick with the flu, theu don't know it (somehow) and you are unsure if they have anyone to take care of them? Sure, you can say "not my problem" but then, maybe your lack of empathy is an example of how you are already infected. Most people probably wouldn't blame you for saying "they can probably take care of themselves" and you can do that... but what if they can't, and you saw the signs, had an opportunity to help, and you turned away from them. They will most likely go on, spreading theor infection like a pandemic until they eventually destroy themselves, because /everyone/ in their lives left them alone. I believe you will have to answer for that one day. Whether it be God or the universe or karma, someone is going to ask "why did you abandon this person? Look at all the suffering that caused" and you will have to answer for it.
Maybe reading this, you have diagnosed yourself with this particular disease and you are asking "This is actually pretty close to home and kind of scary... what do i do?" Well, treatment is out there. If you have a way to contact me i will do my best to help! I am not perfect and i am not the emotional Jesus, but i will do whatever i can; even if that means pointing you to someone better or more qualified (like a doctor).
Anyway, this applies to so many different situations other than bullying. Any time you find yourself disgusted at another person because of their appearance or actions, try to have some empathy. Don't be irresponsible and put yourself in harms way, but try to remind yourself... "this is a human soul, they have had an entire life of experiences that have lead them to this point" and try to have some empathy. Then you can ask yourself, what is the /right/ thing to do?
So, i wasn't planning on making another blog so soon, but i felt inspired and i hope it will match my theme of being thought-provoking and helpful :)
You can only change yourself. You can't make someone see things your way. You can't force someone to believe what you believe. Even if they say they agree with you because you have broken their will, you have not changed them, their heart or their mind. Even with real life torture all you can do is encourage them to say what you want to hear them say. Confessions and promises made under duress are hollow and meaningless.
So i just wonder, why do i see so many people try to do this? No matter how right you think you are, no matter how true something is for you... you will never be able to force someone to believe the same thing you do.
Truly, the only thing in this world you can control is yourself. If you want to see a change, change yourself. If you are right, others will choose to go your way too, because they will see the difference you make. It is impossible for us to perfect ourselves, but, if you can help others while attempting to fix yourself, then that is a good thing.
Another helpful thing to understand is, just because it's right for you, doesn't mean it's right for everyone. People's needs, and situations are different and everyone experiences life and love in fantastic new ways every day.
Heres the take away. When you stop trying to force everyone to be exactly like you, most often, you are able to relax. The black and white dot you were staring so hard at that it gave you an aneurism suddenly expands and evolves into a huge canvas of colorful artistic beauty!
This is not saying "never discuss anything." And it's not saying "never express your opinion" but it is saying "allow everyone their opinions, because you can't change them."
My last thing i want to express... my opinion, is no better than anyone elses. We are all equally as important and equally as inconsequential to the universe. My opinion may be the most popular one, or it may be my opinion alone. These things being said, my opinion means exactly as much and as little as yours. Because of that, i always do my best (im not perfect) to never belittle or make you feel small, unimportant, or uneducated because your opinions are different than mine. If you express your opinion, i may or may not want to express mine. If we compare differences and discuss it, that is good, it helps us to spiritually, emotionally and socially mature! :) If we choose not to discuss it, that is fine too! No one has to convert to anyone else's opinion. Noone can force someone to adopt an idea and i will never try to change your mind. Because the only one who can change your mind, is you.
I hope this was both challenging and empowering :)
"If this isn't love, then why does it feel so good?"
What is love? Is it a feeling? Is it attraction? Is it an action?
For me, Love is (quite literally) my God. Love is the only thing that means anything. Love is an imperishable and inexhaustible force. Love is the sum of actions in self-denial. Love is a choice.
You don't fall in love, you choose to love someone. Love doesn't fade, you choose to withold your love. When you /enjoy/ someone, you are enphatuated or attracted to them. When you return anger with patience, pain with understanding and betrayals with forgiveness, that is Love.
When you tell someone "follow your heart!" And watch as they are destroyed by a toxic relationship and you wave the "follow your heart" flag and the "do what makes you happy" foam finger at them. That is not love. Telling them "hey, i see these things happening, you arent alone, you deserve Love." Is love.
Choosing to stay with a toxic person because "i love them!" Is not love. You hitch yourself to a burning ship out at sea and allow them to destroy themselves while dragging you to the depths with them. Telling someone honestly "i can't be one with you while you are burning, but i will not abandon you while you put out the fires" is love.
Being so afraid of your loved one betraying you that you are always suspicious and afford them no freedom... that is not love, it is selfishness.
Trusting your partner and accepting that they will one day betray and hurt you while allowing them all the trust and freedom they should have... then, pre-deciding how to forgive them... that is love.
"You pick the flowers you like, you nurture the ones you love."