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Enter the Void

Ramblings and musings of a fox who is struggling to pull herself together and regain the confidence that was once broken and stripped from her. Will most likely be nothing more than a mind dump when things are getting rough.
1 day ago. Tue 15 Jan 2019 03:33:46 PM IST

Shitty day... Shitty people... Mental exhaustion... 

 

And yet, beside me the whole time, my love stood. He waited to call me on my break and talked me through the pent up emotions (Emotions are one thing I struggle to control...), and put a smile back onto my face. 

 

He sent me messages of love an compassion. 

 

He came and got me after work, which was so, so needed... That gorgeous face of his and those deep blue eyes calm me so much. 

 

He let me vent and grumble and complain without judgement, and helped me to feel 100% again. 

 

This man... words cannot describe how much he means to me. The moment I see or hear him, everything calms. His touch chases away anything negative. And his kiss... I think I learned what it meant to be addicted to something the moment he first kissed me. 

 

I love you so much, Wolfy. Forever and always. Thank you for being there for me, even when you yourself are busy. Your love and support mean the world to me. <3 

 

 

1 day ago. Tue 15 Jan 2019 09:57:02 AM IST

I'm not a fucking idiot just because I work in food. 

 

I'm not a failure because SOMEONE ELSE didnt do their job right and so my position was fucked up. 

 

You do NOT get to insinuate I'm stupid because I couldnt POSSIBLY know your order if it was written down wrong. 

 

Treat customer service/food service/what the fuck ever service employees with respect, we're people too and honestly we dont get paid enough for putting up with shitty attitudes. 

 

Never have I wanted to walk out and not look back so bad before. 

 

Never have I ever actually considered refusing service til now. 

 

I'm so mortified and angry... I should have been protected by superiors but instead I was thrown under the bus. 

 

Fuck everything right now... 

 

I might regret this post later and I'm not really looking for advice, just... really emotional and I dont have an outlet right now. I cant cry cause I have to go back up. I can't talk to anyone cause everyone is working. I can't walk away... 

 

I just want to go home. I'm done today. 

3 days ago. Sun 13 Jan 2019 10:20:00 AM IST

(NSFW compared to my other blogs)

 

 

 

 

Nothing is sexier than my love figuring out what I want without having to say a single word. 

 

Woke him up with pets and touches, got myself excited, had to take him... Usually I just get him entirely inside me from the get-go, this time I wanted to take it slow, enjoy feeling him enter... He initially tried to push all the way in but very, very quickly picked up on the fact that such a thing was not gonna happen this time and went completely still to let me do what I wanted, only moving to claw at my back as I teased. 

 

Holy fuck was his quick learning sexy. Almost got me off just from the fact that he figured it out so quickly and obeyed without hesitation >///>; 

 

Gotta test him on stuff like that more often. I love my good boy so much. 

4 days ago. Sat 12 Jan 2019 02:26:20 PM IST

So often at work I'm reminded of how blessed and lucky I am, having found Wolfy and being able to settle down with him. 

 

I work with a lot of younger adults (I'm still young, I get that, but I'm talking 19-22. Wondering how the hell they're out here already). People who married incredibly young, like 18 (And I thought 22 was early). Who... I dont believe were mature enough for such things yet. 

 

These girls complain all the time about the struggles their marriages have, and it's so hard for me to relate, to truly understand. 

 

Their husbands are easily swayed by other people telling them they're not mature enough to care for their wives, that they should just let them go, and they believe that. My husband would laugh in their face and ignore those foolish notions, or if for some reason he believed that, he would try to talk to me about it to fix things. Not giving up. 

 

They have to beg and whine for their husbands to do anything around the house. I just have to say, "We need to do this today," and I have a willing partner to help motivate and get things done. 

 

They're always whining because he does nothing but play video games or he never wants to be home with then because he wants to go out with the guys, constantly, so they haven't been together in ages. My love happily prefers watching me play most times, would put the game down if I asked him to, and prefers doing things with me than without me. Even if he wanted to go out like that, I would be asked instead of told, to make sure I was okay with it. 

 

 They find hidden messages on phones and signs of misplaced trust. Nothing is hidden from me. 

 

They help their husbands and their work is unnoticed. If I do something that makes his life easier, I'm thanked immensely compared to the size of the task. 

 

They struggle to understand why their partner is the way he is and dont put forth much effort. I started reading up on what drives my husband and discovers myself in the process. Now we are happier than ever. 

 

Some of our success might have something to do with the lifestyle. In a D/s situation you don't have much of the common struggles. But, I dont think it's his submission alone that makes him a great man. It's just... everything about him. Including his flaws. 

 

So, while I cant join into the discussions with my coworkers about the annoyances of marriage... I'm quite happy to be on the outside of that discussion. Makes me feel good that I dont have much of anything to complain about. 

 

Just some random, nyquil-drunk musings of a sick fox who is feeling quite in love and pleased right now Haha. This might not make total sense but screw it I'm posting it. 

Shy

4 days ago. Fri 11 Jan 2019 07:27:19 PM IST

Why is it so hard for people to believe Dom/mes can be shy? 

 

How I am around other people who I dont know has no bearing on how I am in a relationship. You dont have to be dominant to everyone to be a Dominant. You dont have to be submissive to everyone to be a submissive. 

 

I'm shy as hell til I get comfortable with someone. Doesnt make me any less of a Domme to my love. 

 

And last I checked... theres a good number of Dom/mes just like me. So I'm definitely not an oddball. 

 

Why do people constantly have to judge? Its exhausting. 

5 days ago. Thu 10 Jan 2019 10:43:36 PM IST

Sometimes, the best way to rearrange the room, is to bend over the bed and fuck so hard things move. Let sex decide where that stupid nightstand goes. Who needs symmetry anyway? 

 

Yes, this Domme enjoys bottoming sometimes Haha. 

 

A good doggy-style can be quite enjoyable. Not gonna deny it. 

 

Plus, getting off before bed is a good sleep aid ;)

 

Just felt the need to share. :p

1 week ago. Wed 09 Jan 2019 04:44:42 PM IST

Wish people would realize this. 

 

You can be jealous without it having ANYTHING to do with trust. 

 

I'm a rather jealous person. But it's not from having no trust in my love. 

 

Yes, I get jealous if he looks at other people. But, it's not because I worry he's going to want them over me. It's because, umm, I'm right here! Give /me/ your attention! 

 

Yes, I get jealous if he pays more attention to friends rather than me. Not because I think he's bored with me. But because I want /all/ his attention. 

 

Yes, I would get jealous if we were to add another into our household and he played with them on his own or he gave them more attention than me. Not because I fear he'll like them more than me. But because, again, I want his attention. 

 

I get jealous of people who have better jobs than me, because I want what they have. 

 

I get jealous of people with children, because I so /badly/ want a baby right now. 

 

I'm jealous of people who work at home, because I would love to be able to set my own schedule, and be able to help with the house instead of it always being slightly cluttered. 

 

I'm jealous of the people in the theater who are better at acting/singing than me, because I wish I was good. 

 

None of that has anything to do with trust. 

 

But, I'm still a jealous person. 

 

I don't /allow/ myself to give in to these issues - I fight my jealousy daily. I don't allow myself to steal 100% of Wolfy's attention because, let's face it, that's ridiculous. I want it, but I very much accept I can't have it. I don't let my mind bum me out if he does look elsewhere, because two seconds later, those same, gorgeous eyes are right back on me, and in the end, it doesn't matter (Even if it doesn't make sense to me, haha, because of my sexuality). I don't really care if others are better at things than I am, if they have better jobs/homes, or any of that. Because it means I have goals to work to. 

 

I don't /act/ on those jealous emotions (Most days, I mean, I'm human haha). I get over it. 

 

But, I'm still jealous. 

 

And that DOES NOT MEAN I don't trust my husband. Jealousy =/= Lack of trust. More people need to understand that. 

 

I fully agree that it's wrong to be a jealous person but either ignore it or just not do anything to better yourself. But you're not terrible because you're /jealous/. I feel like jealousy is something many people don't understand fully. 

 

And, at the end of the day, my love still loves me regardless of my issues. So... Who are you to judge? 

1 week ago. Sun 06 Jan 2019 11:17:09 PM IST

This is more open and honest and sexual than my normal posts so... be warned haha.

 

Tonight, I decided that I had to take Wolfy. It hasn't been long since we've fooled around, even just earlier today he had snuggled up to me and stuck his hand down my pants to play with me while we watched YouTube which was sexy as hell Haha, but... it's been a while since I've had him inside me. 

 

I had intent of just... being together. Kinda slow, loving, rather vanilla actually Haha. I'm about to go back to work tomorrow so I wanted one more loving moment before I was gone for a good chunk of the day again, before my stress levels skyrocketed again.  

 

I dont know what it was... But, when I told him to get on the bed, and he went to lay down, he parted his legs just enough to flash me all of him. Member, balls, taint, butt... Just for a second. He, being slightly innocent and shy sometimes, quickly closed his legs again and hid everything from me. One of my biggest turn-ons though, that playful shyness. I dont understand what about that specific, brief view triggered it, but in that moment, staring at my love on display for me, my mind instead went from, "love him" to "devour him". 

 

I've always thought I had primal urges and I thought I had that mindset once or twice before, but now I'm realizing that wasnt true. For the first time, I didnt think. I didn't worry. I just did. I was. I ate him, bit him, licked him, clawed him, fucked him. He was mine, mine alone, to do whatever I wanted to him, and however I wanted. He made sounds I had never heard before (hes not very vocal to begin with and usually puts on a show because he knows I like it, but something about these sounds was just so... delicious...), sounds that made this new voice in my head appear that told me to mark him, make him mine, claim him. And, I did try. But... I'm so gentle I cant even leave hickies on him because even when I try I'm too gentle >.> Haha. And my knees are bad so I rely too much on my hands to try and claw at him. But, I wanted to  mark him, and leave signs of my claim on him so bad, for the first time of my life. Nothing mattered other than using him and taking him and devouring him. 

 

And... I think the orgasm I got from everything was one of the best I've ever had. For once in my life, I didnt even think about it. I didn't worry. Because he was mine and i was going to do whatever the hell I wanted to him until I came and that was all that mattered. No thoughts, just action. Instinct. Make him mine. 

 

And afterward, he seemed so happy. So content. He made sure to tell me that I did everything right. Everything the way he would have wanted the night to go. Which was a big deal to me as usually my self-consciousness and insecurity makes me awkward and I mess up and feel like I didnt do a good job Haha. I've been having to learn a lot lately in my attempts to be more dominant in the bedroom. 

 

Tonight was just... amazing. And I'm sure not many people are going to care about this Haha, but I'm in such a good mood and so happy about how things went, and already wanting to figure out more about this new mood of mine, that I had to write it all down somewhere. Was a big step for me imo and has me really excited Haha. 

 

... And now as I recount it, I find myself wanting him again. 

 

Damn hormones >.>

1 week ago. Fri 04 Jan 2019 10:10:11 AM IST

This is a safe place to share whatever you want, as long as it doesn't actually break laws, I get that. And I definitely don't want to scare people off from sharing what they please. 

 

But sometimes... You need to think about others. 

 

Sometimes the things you write, share, create, ect, can be actual fears/worries/trauma for others. If you don't put some sort of warning about the subject of your content... It can really mess people up. 

 

Yeah, sure, the thing that now has me paranoid and feeling shakey could have been avoided if I realized what the story was about and stopped reading. But sometimes, like a car-wreck, you just... Can't stop. Can't look away. And until they broke the realm of realizm, that's what happened. 

 

All of this to say... I really wish that some people would realize some things need warnings. Even if you think it's silly, to someone else, it could be really traumatic. If there was a warning, I would've just moved on. 

 

I'm fine, I'm probably making a bigger deal out of this than I should be, but I really, /really/ didn't need to start my day off this way. So now I'm ranting... Sorry everyone. 

 

Feel free to just ignore this. Lesson learned and I will be completely avoiding some people's blogs just to try and spare myself. 

2 weeks ago. Wed 02 Jan 2019 07:29:00 AM IST

I'm so possessive... and I hate it. 

 

I'm easily jealous... I wish I wasn't. 

 

I assume things that aren't true... And hurt myself over it. 

 

I pretend none of this is true... but dreams remind me of this dark mind.

 

I don't always trust... because I struggle to realize other people's mistakes don't carry on to others. 

 

I hurt... because it makes me feel better. 

 

I want to change... it's just so, so hard, and the other side feels so far away. 

 

Why do I have to be so... broken... sometimes? Why can't I just take advice to heart and stop caring so much about the wrong things? 

 

I can't control anyone. Their actions aren't controlled by me. If they leave... it's not up to me. I should just have faith, believe in the power of raw, unblemished, true love. For all the kinds of love.

 

But (sorry for getting religious here), Satan has the power he does for a reason... those terrible sins we must fight every day are strong. He whispers constantly into my ear, things to make me question love. Things to drive me crazy and beat me down. 

 

I can't let him win... But even with the most powerful allies on my side, the battle against my inner demons is so, so tiring. 

 

Pride and Wrath... they're the hardest to beat.

 

These struggles... I want them to be over. I want to move on. 

 

Why can't I just... love...? And believe in its power completely? 

 

Damn insecurities...