It has been a while since I have been here, been me, or written anything. It seems like when things get busy one of the first things I stop doing is taking care of me. I would like to say I’m done with that but I’m a fixer. I can’t help myself. I NEED to fix all the broken things. Is it possible I do that to avoid fixing me? Maybe.
If that were the case I would guess I would see things in myself that need fixing. But I don’t. I actually like who I am. Do I love all my choices…. No, but I roll with where they take me.
It’s funny I listen to people talk about all the things they are going to change or fix as a New Year’s resolution. I can’t help but wonder why. Why do people think they need to change or be fixed. Why not embrace who you are, the whole you, “flaws” and all. Are flaws really flaws? Or are they parts of you that make you interesting to the right people?
Additionally, why do people only say positive thing’s around the holidays? Why not say what you really think? Let me start.
On New Year’s Eve here is what I might say.
Fuck this New Year. Actually fuck last year too. I hope when the shit hits the fan you have an umbrella so only a little gets in you. When shit goes sideways stop asking why me….the answer is Why not you. If a shit storm is coming your way pray that the wind shifts direction and you only get a little splatter. Life is not supposed to be easy. Getting through the hard crap makes the rest worth it.
I am not saying things to get attention or find someone to save me. I don’t need attention or to be saved. I actually like who I am. I am however open about who I am. I am not a great person. I am actually dumpster fire. If you think I am a nice person odds are you haven’t pissed me off or somehow you have escaped my wrath. Be glad you were able to avoid that. I believe in vengeance. Not vengeance like the movie’s portray but actual vengeance. It’s about the small things that make life miserable. A flat tire, a missing wallet, that feeling like something is off and the hair in the back of your neck stands up……that’s is me plotting, planning, watching and executing the long game.
ok so maybe I do have something positive to say. To all the wonderfully misunderstood people, embrace who you are. Stop trying to be what others think you should be. Live who you are everyday. You would be surprised by the amount of people that have been waiting to meet you.