So I have rules I live by. I raised my children by them. And I am going to share them with you and explain why breaking them is soooo bad. here we go folks.
unspoken rule: DTA don’t trust anyone. I don’t think I need to explain this it is very simple.
1: don’t get stolen
2: live life with no regrets. If you will regret not doing it, or saying it in 10 year then do it say it. Even if it means jail. And your willing to take the consequences with it. IF NOT then don’t do it.
3: not on my watch:
4: If it comes between you me and JAIL I will throw you under the bus. I’ll bail you out after but I cannot go to jail I just can’t.
5: it’s all about the LOVE.
6: don’t get involved.
now you see I broke three of these today. I have cried for almost 3 hours now and not sure how much longer I will continue to do so. Probably till at least till next Thursday or Friday. I have never been so scared in my life. And I’ve had my ass handed to me for 26 years. Literally. That didn’t even scare me as much as this did.
I know I have no experience in this lifestyle. I know I don’t know how everyone expresses themselves. What I do know is if it walks like a duck quacks like a duck then it’s more than likely a DUCK. In other words it is what it is. And in this case not a great idea. I feel like omg I really have no words for how I’m feeling. I’m lost I’m unsure of anything right now and like I need to restart my whole BDSM lifestyle that hasn’t even gotten off the ground yet. To the person that wrote that blog. I live in a turtle shell. It’s safe warm and very comforting. It’s small and it’s pink and it doesn’t have much stuff. But what it does have is love compassion. I try and hide both of these but today you brought me out and I showed my ass and how truly stupid I am. How maybe I am a waste of time and how useless I really am. After leaving an abuse of 26 year long marriage I thought time would make his voice go away. But thank you I now know he was right I am stupid gullible navie. And I am not worthy of ever finding or getting or receive if love. He was right I am these things. I am all of them and I need to just be grateful for oxygen. I pray that all works out and you have the time of your life. I hope you enough strength to do your thing. I wish you enough love in your life. I wish you enough skin on your body because I think your going to need it. I wish you always have the wind at your back. I wish you enough of everything you need in life to accomplish all that you set your mind to. But for me I think I am not granted enough of anything to do anything or ever find love compassion or physical touch. But today you made me feel. I felt panicked scared lost stupid unworthy unreliable unhelpful and just unenogh. I think I just made the last word in that last sentence up but oh well. I’m still crying but I do have to say thank you. My first coming out BDSM coining our party was a complete disaster. And maybe... i don’t know I’m at a loss.