So today I talked to a friend from this site. We talk like almost everyday. And I would like to thank her. She says I have done so much for her. Helping her change her life. That maybe true and if it is I feel even better.
but really she has helped this misfit FEEL. I haven’t felt anything for so long. Except loneliness and like I stand on the outside and look in the window of others wanting be a part of something. I don’t fit in anywhere really. Most times that’s ok. “I am very self entertaining”
but today I got stuck with a dead phone sitting in a car. “Nothing to do but think”
so I did just that. I thought who would worry about me? Then I thought who would care? I had no answer except my kids.
then I sat and thought what can I do to fit in with people better? I had no answer. Then a light came on. I’m always so scared of people. I know it’s from my past. But that’s another story for another day.
then I thought about what she said “J” she told me I touch peoples lives everyday and I don’t know it. I thought I have been thinking wrong. I keep thinking I. Maybe this misfit is right where she belongs with her one close friend and kids that do love her. Maybe I am the one in the window, and others are looking in but I shut them out. “J” says I made a difference in her life. I’m not sure how. Then thought maybe I need to slow down and start looking around at others. That’s not going to happen my feet are always in motion.
Ok I am a people watcher I love watching people they are just so funny. Then I thought about the homeless woman I took behind me with her not sure what he was to her but I made him leave her alone. Then I thought about the homeless man that was yelling at himself in the mirror window at the hair salon. They were going to call the police. I told them not to and went out there with my glass of water my hair in tinfoil and just talked to him. He said the voices in his head were mad at him. I asked him why? He said because he was here. I told him I was glad he was here because I got to make a new friend and if he saw me again to please come up and say hi. He looked at me strangely. I told him to ask the voices if I could be his friend. He started to get mad. And yelled the voices are real. I told him I knew they were real. And I just wanted to know if I could be his friend? He smiled and told me they said yes. This was just a 15 minute conversation about. He smiled and said he had to go. I told him ok. I went back in my hair lady said I was crazy. I told her crazy for a crazy.
these thoughts told me my answer I am crazy for one and two this misfit has her place it’s her place it’s her journey her adventure. And I’m doing just what I need to do. I might not be popular I might not be the first one picked. I may not ever be picked. Hell I may never know what it’s like to be naked and have sex. But dang it I belong to people I have a reason.
to make things better when I got home and a charge on my phone there was a message are you ok. Those three words made my day. I belong. I have a reason.
and I owe this all to “J” thank you “J” for loving and being this misfit’s friend.
