So as I stated I have been gone from this site for a while and on a journey.
it has been a journey from hell I pray no mother ever has to through. Fact I pray no one ever has to go through.
my son went missing not really missing I knew what town he was in but not where he was. Everyone told me he was an addict and I had to wait for him to ask for help. So I did. What I didn’t knew was that my son had affective schizophrenia. Yes he did drugs to help stop the voices in his head. And drugs actually help from what I’ve learned but cause other problems as we all know.
I have learned a lot about affective schizophrenia in this year. But I wanted to share our journey with you all.
last July 30th I decided I had waited long enough for him to come to me for help. So I took time off from work and I drove from Colorado to California to find him. When I got there I walked through homeless camps and the streets to find him. I talk to so many homeless people listened to them tell me their stories and meet a lot of very nice people. Some I will say not so nice. But thanking god for my protection during that time. After three days I found my son. He didn’t recognize me and ran. I ran behind him till he stopped then I sat on the hot concrete and sang to him “ I’m standing with you”. When one of the other homeless men started yelling at me cussing at me I just kept singing. If you’ve ever heard me sing you’d say probably not a great idea. But I didn’t care I just kept singing to him. Once the other man started getting physically with me my son still did nothing he was trying to process that it was really me. When the man pulled out his penis and started walking towards me. My son got up and pushed him told him to leave me alone. I just kept singing with tears coming down my face like the Niagara Falls. My son then squated down and touched my face and asked if I was real. I didn’t move but said yes it’s me mom I’m here baby. He didn’t say another word just stood and walked to my car. The other man told me I couldn’t have my son. And the mother bear came out. I stood and stared at him and told him to try and stop me from taking my son back. I was terrified. But the next thing I knew my son was throwing rice crispy treats at the man and told me to get in the car. When I got in the car I asked my son what was that. He just smiled and said you always have snacks and he’s hungry. My son didn’t talk after that. I just thought I was fighting drug addiction little did I know my battle was sooooo much bigger.
we went to a motel and he just layed on the bed and slept for over 14 hours. When he got up he showered and I gave him the bag of new clothes and shoes. Which I’m so glad i got and took with me. My son had no shoes he was walking on hot concrete burning his feet. He said thank you but nothing else. I had cigarettes for him and he smoked a lot. I took him to eat. He order so much food our bill was over a hundred dollars just for two people he couldn’t even eat all the food he ordered but it was there for him. After day two he was on the hunt for a drug score i was told by someone who I was talking to that was in a program. I had no home to take him to as I lived with other people and couldn’t take him back there due to a toddler living there. I couldn’t take the chance not that My son would hurt the child in his right mind but again I thought I was just detoxing him. So I didn’t know his mind set. So I did the craziest thing and offered him an Alaska Cruze lol he couldn’t run he could get medical and he couldn’t hopefully find drugs. He declined that so my oldest son said bring him here. He lived in DC my son agreed to go see his brother so we started driving to DC. Things got ugly as drove. and when we got to New Mexico. My oldest son decided it wasn’t safe for me to drive alone with him so he flew out and then made the trip with us. During this I was bite spit on and a lot of things went out the car window. I watched my son cry scram pull his hair. But something wasn’t right. When my oldest got there we talked while the other one slept. He said that the voices my son was having was due to drugs. But something still didn’t sit right with me. I started listening to my gut. We stayed with my oldest for two weeks. I drove to Virginia visited with a friend then drove back to DC then to Virginia to visit a friend of my sons. Then to Oklahoma so he could visit his grandfathers grave. The we went to Texas to my oldest daughter’s home, where my son had a complete breakdown we had to call the police. Now I had called the police twice in other states before this but my son was in the military and was military police so when the cops would come my son knew all the right words to say. But not in Texas they actually have a mental health police team. They took him in. My son was put in a mental health hospital where they discovered that he had affective schizophrenia. They were the ones to tell me that in my sons case this started before the drugs. I didn’t know I’d never heard of this. So after three weeks he was given medication which I paid out of pocket. Everyone says why didn’t you take him to the VA. Well that’s easy my son is terrified of the VA. His voices were his fellow soldiers and he would argue with them. He thought he was chipped by the government and they were after him. Which I have found out comes from what he did in his time of service.
we found an outside mental hospital for my son but I didn’t have the money for him to go to it. We called the VA for an emergency physc referral we were told it would take two weeks. While waiting for that two weeks my son tried to commit suicide. I had left my son with his sister to go back to work at that time he was on his medication and I’d been off work for almost three months. I have gone though my life saving and my retirement. So when this happened I asked for a family leave of absence only to find out that because the contract at my job had changed I didn’t qualify for it because I hadn’t been with the new company for a year. I have sat at the same desk doing the same job for over seven years but as you all know government contracts change. When they do nobody qualifies for fmla. The life of Civilian contractors who knew. I do now lol. So I did what every mother would I handed in my letter. And I packed my stuff and headed off to Texas.
Long story I know sorry
my son has now been voices free for two months we finally have the right medication for him. He is doing fantastic I’m so proud of him. But a few things I found to help him.
One: Hume him something to love….. he has a puppy
Two give him something to do……… golf fishing and I take him delivering food to make money so I can pay our rent and car payment.
three: give him something to look forward to…… he is going to start school we work delivering the food to pay our bills but also to pay for him to go to school.
Affective schizophrenia is caused by trauma guys it’s real. It’s a whole new level of PTSD.
yes I’ve been to the VA for help no we have received any financial help. I can’t even get them to restart his pay. I’ve given up on the VA really. we are making it and that’s what matters. I do have them covering his medication now thank god because his monthly shots were costing me 6k a month. And this piggy bank is smashed to tiny pieces I was so terrified I wouldn’t be able to continue them. But Texas helped me till the VA finally would. I’m so grateful to Texas they have the best system I’ve found so far. Am I done with this no not yet my son will probably live with me the rest of his life and mine. He is better but stress causes him to go backwards. And right now my ex husband and other kids are actually making it almost impossible for me and him. I know they don’t understand and they all like to think I don’t know what I’m talking about and I pray they are right.
I’m actually afraid my son won’t make it through July due to them not listening to me. I have a feeling Its going to go like this. One bachelor party then wedding and my gut says a funeral. All because no one wants to listen to me.
guys don’t give up on people they are worth the effort and if you don’t care about others how can ask anyone to care about you.
what has kept me going through all of this something someone told me a long time ago.
not everyday is a good day. BUTT there’s something good about everyday.
thank you for letting write this I needed to get it out. I think just taking this time for myself is the biggest thing. And I hope maybe I’ve helped someone else. Follow your gut and your heart.
