This is not seasonal affective disorder
This is depression
This is trauma
This is self-hate
This is triggered
I can't be alone without wanting to cry
I can't be with you without feeling dirty
I don't deserve you
I hear all the 'sorry' you say
I don't feel human
I can't even lie
You don't even hear me.
Let me have a Dom.
In the middle of it all
I'm alone.
Your mistaken copulation
Cost me peace.
I fight the loss of desire with you
Your peace is more important.
Lubes and shut eyes let me imagine the before...
While you apologized
My trust in you is broken.
I know you're no Dom, my love
But would One be safer?
Building you up
my love,
Took away from me.
Squashed fresh buds of adventure
To fight that old battle, depression.
A balance between meeting my wants and your needs.
I fight making choices I'd regret.
My resolve is slipping
Like a wet glass.
Old nightmare of mine revisited
We talked
I shared my trauma
I need your comfort
You have my consent
But there you lay
A pillow prince
All the work I do for you
In and out of bed
Is not what I want
You being my Dom
Is
Loop by loop
Twists
Turns
Silken
Ropes
I wonder what it feels like
Beautiful, sculptural
Art
Bound
I'm wet...
Tied.
Like the pieces on a go board
I'm deciding
How far do I go?
No Dom at home that's mine
Just a sweet husband
He tries; scared
I'm ready
To GO.
How much do I share to a
Stranger
A Master
How far do I go?
Temps are falling
Long nights
Home feels like a unhappy cage
Even emptier when you're here
When you tease me
When you take and leave me
Hanging.
"No Dom" you say
But you won't step up.
I'm left with fantasies of
Leather
Rope
Wax
St. Andrew's crosses and fun restraints
Of tasks and directives
Of "come here, pet"
And "tell me your thoughts"
Fond memories
Floury hands
Chocolate on my nose
Brownies cooling
"Messy pet," you said, as you clean chocolate off my nipples.
You made me feel beautiful
I fight these old memories as I live in
This marriage
Where much is vanilla
I crave that chocolate
He's downstairs playing...
I'm upstairs playing
Taking directions
Waiting for permission
To fall
My chair full of proof of lust
I lick it up
Husband of mine,
You should explore who I really am
Before the digital Dom comes and I cum running
A new PS5 he has.
He taps the buttons, manipulates toggles.
While my husband explores Valhalla,
I fantasize of strong arms
Hard members
Spanking
Tapping
Manipulating my soft, wet, fat
Flesh.
Take me to that old hall of the gods...
Help me escape
Make me feel like I'm at the end of the world...
Waiting for your final
Stroke