I know I go on about this but it is just so frustrating. Of cause I cant sleep, because I slept all of Saturday afternoon, but I tried to stay awake on Saturday and I just couldn't do it. It is really driving me crazy. Ow well.
I put this as a forum question, but I thought I might as well put it on here as I have not posted much recently.
Some might think that this is kind of a stupid question but. . . Answer it anyway (or not if you do not want to): You identify as a slave. You have been with your master / owner for a long time, and feel all the deep and complex emotions that you would expect to feel. One day your master tells you to do something that you really badly do not want to do. You explain why you don't want to do it, you beg, etc, but he is adamant. Would you do it?
Of cause it depends on what it is, but try your best to answer the question as it stands. All response appreciated.
I keep loosing all porn and BDSM sites. Its strange. I never loose anything ells. It seems very strange to me. If I disappear all together that is why.
Of cause, the obvious thing to do, so I did not think to do it. TV still not working though. I miss it, but I made constructive use of the time by falling asleep on the sofa.
Everything in my flat suddenly seemed to stop working. When I say everything I mean the internet and the TV. There can not be a connection between them surely???? if I do not answer a message or something, it means that I can not get onto the sight.
I wrote this as a Forum topic but desided to put it on here as well.
Life is strange and you just never know, and the answer to my problem might seem obvious to other people but I just can not see it clearly and all advice would be very gratefully excepted. This all happened on a different site, and one on which I do not ask for advice, because a lot of people on there are dicks. I was not going to mention this on here, for a few weeks, because, so the more cynical part of my mind points out, it could be a scam or just not work out. The last time that happened it was embarrassing and unpleasant.
just under a week ago I received a message from a girl who essentially wanted to discuss the possibility of long distance play. She said that she enjoy degradation, so I sent her back a quite degrading message, which is not something that I do naturally, but I found it to be very liberating. She is 21 (I am 57). I will not say to much more about her as I do not, mostly, talk about people, but she seemed very enthusiastic. We exchanged messages and everything seemed to be going well (however, last night I sent what I thought were three very simple tasks, and she has not replied, but that is only a day so maybe I am just being paranoid).
Today I received another message from another girl, the same age and similar circumstances. I sent her a short message (maybe two weeks ago) and her reply was “I’m interested”. (This is the first response that I have had in over a year. Its weird). In short I can not really pick between them until I know more.
I do not lie to people (. . . hardly ever) so, as I see it, I have two choices: 1. Stick with the first and tell the second “sorry” or 2. Ask both how they would feel about a two way arrangement? Let me just add that I would be fine with an open arrangement (and I was actually thinking that the first girl should really be getting some real life sex).
So what does anyone think?
It seems like I wrote a blog called feeling lousy before, although I have no memory of it. Anyway, I am not feeling very well at all. I do not know if it is the humidity or because I slept badly (but then I slept half the afternoon), or because I took three Melatonin tabs (15 MG) last night. I think it is the Melatonin because I felt kind of odd after taking it. I wont do that again. I had planed a fun day of washing up and hoovering but. . . Maybe tomorrow.
Yesterday I killed a spider in the bath. I did not mean to kill it, I was trying to rescue it from drowning, but it kept jumping (do spiders jump?) off the peace of card that I was using to scoop it up, and then I somehow court its leg, or legs, under the card, and then it just died.
I think I used to have that condition, at least I could not touch spiders. I had to ask my flat mate to get them out of the bath and sink. It was quite embarrassing. It is not so bad know, I can even touch the ones with the long legs, they seem more elegant, but why do they like to live in are bath rooms? (Perhaps they like the humidity, but I never see any flies in there). In my previous flat I got loads of spiders in the bath room and I could not bare to move them. Some of them just seemed to hang there, sometimes for weeks on end. I could not see how they stayed alive.
Leaches and cockroaches (and probably some other insects) freak me out, and swans scare me (I think they are much stronger and much more violent than they look). Apart from that I like all animals.
Yesterday I bought six CD'S from my local library. Mostly Bob Dylan: Oh Mercy, Together Through Life, Love and Theft, Modern times. Also Corinne Bailey Rae and Led Zeppelin. They were £1. 50 each. The Dylan is quite good, very bluesy. Corinne Bailey Rae, hmm, not sure if it is for me. (A friend pointed out to me that I do not really like female singers and, apart from a few rhythm and blues singers and Sioxsie and the Banshies, that seems to be true. I have no idea why).
The Led Zeppelin does not seem to have a name. It is the one with the picture of an old man with a load of sticks on his back. I have to be in the right mood to listen to Led Zeppelin, also does anyone ells think that Stair Way to Heaven is just a hole load of ridiculous nonsense?
This is the forth version of this, and I am still not at all happy with it. I always seem to be worried about offending people, so please do not be offended. That was not my intention.
Occasionally I come across people who say that they are have a physical attraction, or even kink, for intelligence. (apparently the word for this is sapiosexual). I have two main questions about this: How do you know if a person is intelligent or not? and are you sure? I originally wrote a much longer essay about why no one really knows who is and is not intelligent. After all intelligent people don’t have bigger or former or tighter body parts. Do they suddenly become more attractive at the point when there IQ is known? I apologise if I seem a little sarcastic, but isn't the point that 1: no one really knows what intelligence is and 2: Even if you did know you still could not see it.
My father was a genius. I did not know that until over forty years after he died. I am still not quite sure what he was a genies at (he studied dead languages, I think he was also very good at maths). He did not seem very intelligent. Actually he seemed a bit slow (which I know realise is possibly a sign of intelligence).
Actually I am quite intelligent. Not Mensa intelligent but clearly above average. (Somewhere there is a certificate that says what my IQ is, but I guess I am not quite intelligent enough to keep it in a place where I could find it).
If you still say that intelligence is attractive, then consider the following (please note that this is only my opinion. It is not from any resource):
- Intelligent people tend to be moody, bad tempered and to suffer from depression. Intelligent people are more likely to see the world as it really is, with all of its misery and suffering (OK they might see all the beauty and wonder as well, but still). This does not lead to a happy outlook on life.
They are likely to have health problems. It is quite well documented that depression weakens the amune system.
They can seem arrogant and argumentative. They are not necessarily being argumentative. They are just telling you what they know, but living with people who know more than you do can be hard work.
They annoy people without meaning to.
They can feel isolated, and get frustrated by a world where they are not understood.