Accessional diary of a dyslexic dom.

Spaghetti!!

I actually have not had spaghetti in years because I am not supposed to eat wheat, but I found some made with maze and rice flower, so hopefully it will be all right. I made a simple white sauce with onions, garlic, mushrooms, basil goats cheese, parmesan and pesto (well simpleish). I am not suppost to eat dairy either, and goats cheese is very rich so I go easy on that as well (I am suppost to live on lettuce and berries). I probably also added too much parmesan. 

It was very very good. I must go to the health food shop and see (although I do not know how it is posable) if they have wheat free pasta.

So today I restarted things with my slave (why do I always feel I have to justerfie the word slave? She asked me to train her as a slave). I am slowly introducing a proper contract, introducing punishments (instead of waging my finger, so to speak, and then letting her off) more structure, more disaplin. She disappeared because she was busy moving house so, maybe, I could have been a bit more understanding, on the other hand she could have told me what she was doing instead of, in effect, ghosting me. I don't know, I enjoy the process; finding the right tasks, getting her to study, learn, taking control off another person, but I don't know. It is unlikely we can ever meet in real life so we have kind of hit are peak. 

Stupidly I suggested she join the Cage, for some reason she can not join but she reads the blogs. She will know who I am from the photographs, maybe I should take them down. I know; there should be complete honesty, but then people get affended and upset and then I do not know what to do.

Sorry my spelling seems to be unusualy bad today. 

Gout!

Insomnia!

Stomach pains (maybe food poisoning).

Heart burn.

The god of miserable times has been spending a little extra trouble on me recently.

Here I go again. It's 6, 00 AM, I have not slept. Well, yesterday I slept all afternoon. I tried to fight it but I really just passed out. Also it is very humid, has been all night. Usually it cools down early in the morning, but not this morning. I suppose it does not really matter when I sleep, but it is just fucking frustrating. Actually I might just watch some porn in bed. I have no idea why but porn sometimes sends me to sleep.

I slept all day, in fact I slept all day for the last three days. Each day I wake up at six in the evening. It is three twenty in the morning but, of cause, I can not sleep. Apart from anything ells it is so inconvenient because I still feel groggy, by the time I feel properly awake everything is shut. Pills don't help. I have thought about trying to get hold of something stronger but, in my experience, strong medication always has side effects. Anyway I don't know if there is anything stronger.

When I feel miserable (physically or emotionally) and I am writing a blog, it is kind of like the elephant in the room. Sometimes it helps to rant (not much but then what does) but also the misery and pain are the most present and trying to write about anything ells just seems secondary. So other people might get bored with it but sometimes, to me, it just is the subject.

Feeling lousy; can't sleep, cant wake up. That is to say when I want to sleep I can't and when I want to wake up ditto. Last two days I have slept from mid day to about five PM. The weather is hideous, sometimes I feel hot and cold at the same time. I am scared of the washing machine, seriously; last week I somehow changed it to a foreign language (german I think). You might think that this is imposable, and probably it is, but it genuinely happened to me. Someone fixed it in the end, but only after some other people had shouted at me and done nothing at all to help. now I am scared to use it. I can still do a basic wash but I like an extra rinse and know I am just scared to try that, and my paintings are not very good at the moment.

Bit of a moan, but thanks for reading.

I had a bit of a row with a girl best described as mad, on a different site, and I all ways over react to this kind of thing and then my self confidence gets knocked to peaces and (amongst other things) I can not write blogs. So yesterday I left a message on the forum, and my comment was meant to sound mildly flirtatious, and no one said anything but I think it just came across as creepy (and, as its a kink site, is there anything wrong with that? I think I can be creepy if I wan't).

So thats what happens, especially recently, my confidence just gets knocked. I think the only way to write a blog, in front of a large group of people is just not to care what anyone thinks.

I have been for lots of walks lately. This seems to be what it all comes down to. We used to go to the cinema, to coffee bars, pubs, bars, to see a band. Know we go for works. "do you wan't to go for a walk". No lunches, coffee, dates (not that I ever went on dates). Just shall we go for a walk. Still, it's good for you.

I feel I should add something about BDSM, so can anyone suggest any, long distance, tasks for my slave? I feel like we have tried most things, so something original or unusual would be great. Thanks.

My mothers funeral tomorrow. I am extrordenerely nerves, and I do not know why. There is nothing at all to be nerves about. I think that is why I am having trouble eating, although I think I had food poisoning last week (you all wanted to know that).

Also I do not have the right cloths. The shirt and jacket is all right, but the trousers are kind of more like jeans than trousers and all I have is trainers or canvas shoes. I never have the right cloths for funerals. At my aunts funeral, I had my jacket dry cleaned the day before and, during the funeral, it literally fell to bits. It was a nice jacket but it was just too old.