My Journey

It has been a very long time since I have written anything. Months ago I would share my experiences and think that we all relate, but that really isn’t true. This isn’t written for everyone. This isn’t written for those here who are married vanilla but have an online D/s relationship. This isn’t written for anyone who professes love for one but adds a different collar to their name with their next breath. An online only D/s relationship will never be able to understand what I’m about to explain.

This is written for those like my Sir and myself. A real life couple who awakes together, spends lunch together, shares texts throughout our day and shares a unique unconditional love that extends beyond any other. We sleep together, yet live 3,000 miles apart. Sometimes I call him Robert because we have normal everyday lives. Sometimes I call him Sir because I respect him above all others. Sometimes I tell my Daddy that I love him because he takes care of me like no other. The emotions I feel for him run so deep that I know he is my “forever person”. He is my best friend first and foremost. This is our foundation.

Our submission constantly changes. We live D/s everyday, but sometimes it will fall aside. We have normal responsibilities; we have our children to care for; we have our friends and family times. Everyday I submit to my Dom. Most days I kneel because it’s my “happy” place. It brings a much needed deep breath, calm and peace to my crazy day. When we are apart, this brings us together. He takes care of my mental needs and knows when I need to kneel. He knows when I need emotional submission versus physical. There is so much more importance to mental submission. We have our solid foundation as friends first. That is where we started before everything else. As best friends, our Dominance and submission is stronger. We communicate ALL feelings and thoughts. This was a first for me. No one really wants to know every thought and feeling I’m experiencing. Do they? My Sir never judges me for what I think. He never judges me for how I feel. Even when frustration comes his way. Talking about everything resolves any issues and strengthens our bond, even when we decide to agree to disagree.

When we are together, everything changes. I mean everything. The first few days satisfies our physical needs from being apart. I do still kneel as he plays with my hair. It is after all still my happy place. I will call him Robert and Sir, but rarely Daddy. I feel it, yet my brain still hasn’t wrapped around letting that out of my mouth. My growth will never be done. My submission morphs into something I never expected. Online D/s is full of “yes Sir” and physical pleasures. In person, submission, well...I love making his coffee and having him sit while I make him breakfast. I don’t drink coffee so that is something he had to teach me. He also taught me how he likes his eggs, which was also a first. When we shower, he always get washed first. When we dress for our day, I assist him with anything he needs. I anticipate those needs. When we eat out, I make sure his drink is always re-filled before it’s empty. Why should he need to be bothered making sure his drink is full? When we go out, I drive. I love driving us to our next adventure. Us being together isn’t about road trip blow jobs, public escapades or anything else from online fantasy land. My submission changes to taking care of ALL his needs. This is what it is like to love and respect your Dom. It’s so much more than placing his online name next to yours on your online profile. My submission is so deep that when we are together, nothing is more important than taking care of my daddy. So much so that I don’t even realize I’m doing it. I first thought that I wasn’t being submissive at all; then realized is that I was being more submissive than ever before.

We have big obstacles to overcome to be together all the time, but it’s not a matter of if it can happen, but When.

I fully acknowledge that each dynamic is different. I also fully acknowledge that there are many here who will never understand and those who will never get the opportunity to understand the things I have explained. I don’t expect anyone to relate to what I have said, but maybe...just maybe..you’ll find a grand adventure of your own.

Much love 

SoaringFree ❤

Finally got my new tattoo!

Turned out even more beautiful than I could have imagined. Kneeling and bowing for my Master is total bliss.

I Love my Master, my Sir, my Daddy, but most of all...my Best Friend

This is completely how I'm feeling. Complete trust; my full submission to my Sir.

Sir...this is my love letter to the world about how great life can be when you finally let go and be. Our happy story to share hope with others on reaching for the unexpected.❤❤

I’m always the one to think things through more than I need to. I try to make decisions based on knowledge that sometimes isn’t really there. I look at the choices from every direction to make sure I won’t get blindsided. Looking over every option available until I just confuse myself.

I think, no I know, that I do these things in my relationships. Once a decision is made, I give it my all and because of this, I take my time to make said decisions so that everyone involved has the best opportunity to be happy.

My Sir and I met just over a month ago. To say we connected, really is an understatement. Today, I can admit that we became two halves of a whole. It took me a bit to realize that it had happened. I see changes in myself that are very surprising, but in a positive way. I’m following without question, well...not too many questions, I’m thoughtful of my words and I have become much more settled. Not so much trying to figure things out or change the world. To see what all of this really looked like and how that affected our lives. To fully accept that took me longer than what I want to admit. Until very recently (days), I was still holding back, afraid to give that last little bit of myself. In a sense, protecting us both; although I can’t tell you what from.

Being able to let this last reservation go has been a revelation for me. To let myself be able to feel the true feelings that exist is like finally taking a deep breath. Fully letting myself submit completely. The depth of how easily without question I submit to Him is beyond what I can even try to understand. My new mantra is that sometimes there are no answers to questions; you just have to accept.

This all started as a journey to build a friendship and heal a friend. Be the person who I love to be and help others find their safe and happy place. I’ve realized that in the end, it is both of us who needed healing. The lost Closet Sub learning how to be SoaringFree has in actuality found her new adventure with her Sir; and what an adventure it will be. ❤

Unconditional Love-

    Love without any limitations; no boundaries

I was taught this form of love from a very good friend of mine and I’ll admit I hadn’t heard of such a thing. I’m 46, and thought I knew most lessons about love. Boy was I wrong! The first time my friend said he loved me, I thought he was off his rocker. We had only known each other a couple weeks and I told him he didn’t know what he was saying. At the time I didn’t realize you could have that kind of love for a friend. The friends I had in my life were never as close as he and I were/are and the concept was foreign to me. Over time, I came to realize that we had developed a unique friendship and he had become more important than I thought possible. We have had personal challenges, individual relationship challenges, and even strain to our friendship. But in the end…..we stay strong as friends.

During my search for a Dom, I had come to the decision that he would also need to understand and value what this means to me. I consider myself so lucky that my Sir gives this freely. We will have challenges as any new relationship will, but with building the friendship foundation first that contains unconditional love, the challenges feel small and get resolved so much easier.

I know that most people either haven’t heard of unconditional love or don’t believe that it can exist in the real world. I’m here to say that I wouldn’t have it either way with these two men. Our love, friendship and strength can withstand what I believe would break most relationships. We don’t give up on each other and each day we get stronger.

Education is everything. I’m always open to mentoring people helping them understand how to improve or enrich their lives with positive energy and love.

There are many of us here on this site that have or are experiencing heartache, heartbreak, depression, loneliness, sadness, or lack of acceptance. I would find it hard to believe if one of these descriptions doesn't describe each one of you at some point in your journey. 

In a short time, I've felt every one of those emotions. I've cried endless tears, spent too many moments alone with my own thoughts, and isolated myself from others.  Sound familiar?

In the last few months I've allowed myself to be surrounded by friends here and off site. I've learned how to love those friends unconditionally. I've leaned on some more than others, and have given my gratitude back tenfold.

I know I'm in my last leg of forgiveness for those who have deceived me, lied to me, and who couldn't accept me for who I am. My mind has begun to finally settle, which I'm hoping will return much needed sleep.

I have a few incredible people who know who they are, to thank for helping me become whole again. I've come to accept that the teacher, mentor, mother, friend, sub, and surprisingly Domme, are really one incredible person called Candy, aka SoaringFree. I'm once again excited to continue my incredible journey. ❤❤

I've met some truly amazing people here and have been slowly trying to find my way, hence ClosetSub. Thanks to an amazing person in my life and some crazy fun women, my door has fully opened. No longer uneasy with my kinks, or my sexual appetites, I'm finally able to take a deep breath and be me. Last night on the train 😀 with the girls, was my first moment of being me in this group. It was only fitting that they all were a part of me changing my profile name. ClosetSub is no longer appropriate for this girl. I'm a sub and proud of it, SoaringFree!

So I'm sure you'll see me more active and playful. Feel free to say Hello when passing by.