My Journey

I have heard many times the question, is a Dom a Dom without a sub and vise versa? Sometimes when I think of that question, it literally makes my head spin.

Short story:
Since identifying that I belong in this lifestyle, I haven't really been without a partner. My last D/s was for about 3 years and that's when I learned to identify as a switch. I was my Sir's sub for the first 2 years, then something inside me changed and so did our relationship. I embraced being his Domme for a year and learned so much about myself. We were a LDR the entire time, visiting each other a few times a year, but there were many times when felt very lonely since there wasn't actual physical presence a majority of the time. For myself, being online was having the rules of a relationship, without most of the bonuses; dinners together, cuddles on the couch, floggers, gags, crops, paddles, and so many more toys, feelings, and sensations. We did what we could to buy time to the next visit, but it was never soon enough.

To the point:
I haven't been without a partner for very long, but I can say with confidence that a Dom is still a Dom without a sub; a sub is still a sub without a Dom. We still have our needs. We still have desires and very much miss everything that makes us who we are. There are moments that a song will make me feel so empty inside. Look up George Michael, Father Figure. I have not had the pleasure of being with a Daddy Dom, but that song relates so well (so my Daddy Dom friend says), that I started crying. I am still a Domme that feels the loss of touching, caressing, and playing with my toy. Giving him my focus, love and attention. I am still a sub that longs for the love, discipline, security and so many more things that a Dom can provide for me and all the wonderful things I will give him in return. The hole in our hearts can only be filled by those who make us feel complete.

I can only hope that one day soon I can find another and we can fill each other's hearts and make us feel whole again.

Unconditional love brings a relationship to a whole new level. It brings friends and lovers to a closeness that is bone deep. You know everything, you feel everything, you forgive everything. There are no secrets or untold thoughts. All of this has substantial benefits, but it also cuts you into a million pieces when the relationship doesn't work, or when you lose friendships. I first felt this when I lost touch with my first friend from here. He taught me all about really loving a friend. He is no longer on here, so I've lost him forever and that simply makes me very sad. My last D/s was also found here. We wholly loved each other and our unconditional love held us tight. Unfortunately the time and distance apart was too much. Have you ever broken up with someone who you still loved beyond words? You lose your future, your best friend, your lover, your foreverything. Being in a BDSM relationship, every moment of everyday is surrounding each other in one form or another. We didn't end things because we were angry or fell out of love. That concept is hard for people to understand. I have been asked why I was still crying 3 weeks after the break up, especially since I was the one who ended things. That is the result of having unconditional love for each other. Trying to still be best of friends, but the idea of seeing them move forward without you is much too hard to watch. Will I do things differently in the future? Hell no! I am hopeful that one day, when the situation is right, the unconditional love that I have for another will offer me a new future. Until then, I am embracing my friends who are helping me through this challenging time, giving them the very best friendship I can offer full of unconditional love.

Apparently sitting in my jammies at 5pm drinking wine out of a plastic cup tells my son that I had a really bad day. Just when you think they don't pay attention, they prove that they know you really well. Today was really that bad. The bottle of wine didn't stand a chance. 

I need clarity please. What is the difference between a Daddy Dom and a Dom? Do Daddy Dom's have only littles, middles, etc. as their submissives, or is that a misunderstanding on my part? Do they have similar needs? I know each person is different. I'm just looking for general understanding.

Thank you!

Seeking a D/s to make me feel complete

Excited and tiresome search

Weeding out those who don’t fit

Finding the one who does

Coast to coast we travel

Dreams shared, love grows, hearts become one

Future plans created

Families tangled

Years pass

Still coast to coast we travel

Too much time away

Birthdays… holidays…illnesses apart

Many minutes over the phone, fewer moments together

Often alone... lonely

Doubts surface

Walls go up

Circumstances won’t change

No time together

Dreams start to fade

Hard decisions made

Heartbreak

Alone…shattered…broken

Time to heal

How do you maintain a successful BDSM  LDR relationship when life itself is sucking every ounce of energy out of me? I can't reduce work hours (11 a day right now). I cannot shed the time it takes to maintain a home on 3 acres by myself. I won't spend less time with my son in the evenings and weekends. Where is the give?? Where is the book on lessons not to feel like a failure? 

Sorry everyone... just well beyond stressed and borderline depressed. New emotions for me. 

I know that I wish this feeling for everyone.

A little over 2 years ago I met Mr. Robbbee here. He was a recent widower, and I was a sub finding my wings. He took me on and trained me. I accepted his training, while helping him heal from a great loss. Sometimes when his grief was too much, my dominance was called to provide different needs. Over time, this is how we naturally became. Different stresses, situations and needs in our lives has pulled us back and forth. We live on opposite coasts and visit every couple months. I have a very strict work schedule to work around, so I love it when he comes here and stays a while.

We have worked through grand challenges throughout these 2 years. His grief (including finding my place); the distance (frustrating); not being accepted by his daughter hurts my heart, but that's a constant work in progress; him being diagnosed and fighting cancer. Fortunately, I was working remotely the first few months of this year, so I was able to be there with him for many weeks while trying to understand next steps. It was during this time that our relationship did the biggest shift of all. While both of us had/have been focusing on him staying healthy during treatments, my submission completely disappeared. I had thought that I was naturally submissive, but I have learned my dominance is stronger. For the first time in these 2 years I have fully accepted and am embracing my dominance. I find that being in this state comes more naturally. My focus is more clear and every day it feels...right.

I know that I love him grand.

I know that being his Mistress is fulfilling on so many levels.

I know (and so does he) that his pleasure comes from pleasing me.

I know that being apart is not forever.

I know that we are a team who has proven to each other and others that we are united even when we are apart.

I know we have conquered many obstacles in our short time together and when the move finally happens, new challenges will arise. 

We know that we can work through anything.

My stress levels have been off the charts. I've been teaching from home since last March and because what I teach is a specialty class I've had to write all new curriculum which has required working 60 hr weeks for months. Not to mention trying to get my students to show up for zoom calls. Calling students in the middle of class to wake them back up because they didn't mute their mic and they have started snoring. As entertaining as that can be,  it's exhausting! Adding in some personal challenges, Sir started getting worried because I was not finding a release and began getting more tired, withdrawn, and not feeling very healthy mentally or physically. 

You see...I had become disconnected with myself, with my submission, with my Sir. I somehow lost sight that he is my rock and my balance and that I need to trust that he always knows me best. Sir did take care if me. He will always take care of me. He had me kneel and I took a deep breath... felt him breath through me, it was as if a weight was lifted. 

Total submission is soul deep and we must never lose sight of the one we trust, honor, respect, and love more than all.

This sounds like fun.

credit alpha wolfe

“So, I've been trying to think of ways to engage the cage a bit more. Chat to more people and such. 

I was reminded today of an old thing people used to do, or maybe they still do, called AMA (Ask me anything). 

So here's my idea. You (whoever you are) can ask me three questions. As general or as specific as you want. I'll do my best to answer all, but if it's something I reaaaallllyyyy don't wanna answer, I hope you'll understand. Open to comments or messages.

Maybe even keep this idea going and do your own AMA.” 

Is a Dom still a Dom if he/she doesn't have a sub? Is a sub still a sub if he/she doesn't have a Dom?