My Journey

This is completely how I'm feeling. Complete trust; my full submission to my Sir.

Sir...this is my love letter to the world about how great life can be when you finally let go and be. Our happy story to share hope with others on reaching for the unexpected.❤❤

I’m always the one to think things through more than I need to. I try to make decisions based on knowledge that sometimes isn’t really there. I look at the choices from every direction to make sure I won’t get blindsided. Looking over every option available until I just confuse myself.

I think, no I know, that I do these things in my relationships. Once a decision is made, I give it my all and because of this, I take my time to make said decisions so that everyone involved has the best opportunity to be happy.

My Sir and I met just over a month ago. To say we connected, really is an understatement. Today, I can admit that we became two halves of a whole. It took me a bit to realize that it had happened. I see changes in myself that are very surprising, but in a positive way. I’m following without question, well...not too many questions, I’m thoughtful of my words and I have become much more settled. Not so much trying to figure things out or change the world. To see what all of this really looked like and how that affected our lives. To fully accept that took me longer than what I want to admit. Until very recently (days), I was still holding back, afraid to give that last little bit of myself. In a sense, protecting us both; although I can’t tell you what from.

Being able to let this last reservation go has been a revelation for me. To let myself be able to feel the true feelings that exist is like finally taking a deep breath. Fully letting myself submit completely. The depth of how easily without question I submit to Him is beyond what I can even try to understand. My new mantra is that sometimes there are no answers to questions; you just have to accept.

This all started as a journey to build a friendship and heal a friend. Be the person who I love to be and help others find their safe and happy place. I’ve realized that in the end, it is both of us who needed healing. The lost Closet Sub learning how to be SoaringFree has in actuality found her new adventure with her Sir; and what an adventure it will be. ❤

Unconditional Love-

    Love without any limitations; no boundaries

I was taught this form of love from a very good friend of mine and I’ll admit I hadn’t heard of such a thing. I’m 46, and thought I knew most lessons about love. Boy was I wrong! The first time my friend said he loved me, I thought he was off his rocker. We had only known each other a couple weeks and I told him he didn’t know what he was saying. At the time I didn’t realize you could have that kind of love for a friend. The friends I had in my life were never as close as he and I were/are and the concept was foreign to me. Over time, I came to realize that we had developed a unique friendship and he had become more important than I thought possible. We have had personal challenges, individual relationship challenges, and even strain to our friendship. But in the end…..we stay strong as friends.

During my search for a Dom, I had come to the decision that he would also need to understand and value what this means to me. I consider myself so lucky that my Sir gives this freely. We will have challenges as any new relationship will, but with building the friendship foundation first that contains unconditional love, the challenges feel small and get resolved so much easier.

I know that most people either haven’t heard of unconditional love or don’t believe that it can exist in the real world. I’m here to say that I wouldn’t have it either way with these two men. Our love, friendship and strength can withstand what I believe would break most relationships. We don’t give up on each other and each day we get stronger.

Education is everything. I’m always open to mentoring people helping them understand how to improve or enrich their lives with positive energy and love.

     Much has been said about the wide range of labels each and every one of us believes we fall under(Master, Dom, Domme, sub, switch, slave and everything else in between) To accurately pinpoint what mantra you perceive yourself as or you believe you are looked at as within our community, in all actuality is not an accurate description of your total self but more of a snapshot into any particular moment or situation. I believe it is a rare to find in our community a one hundred percent total anything, whether Dom or sub ,or outside the community for example, a leader or a follower. In fact, for the majority,we should allow ourselves to be evaluated on a slide scale from Master to slave. I’m confident that if anyone evaluated themselves daily or even hourly, they would see that their spot on the slide scale moves up and down through the spectrum. Many of us, me included, find our placement on this slide scale a daily roller coaster ride. (Thank you Sir).

     I recently made an observation in regards to a submissive being told to dominate their Dom. Just my own opinion, but Doms, as a majority, don't like to admit  that there are times when even the strongest Dom needs to put themselves in a position of being out of control. Or are they? The very act of allowing your sub to dominate you for a specific length of time or until further notice is in itself a dominate act. They are still calling the shots as they chose to submit. Some may think this makes them a switch; I think this is very different. In this situation, the dominant figure becomes submissive to their sub but , as I observed , the sub is only following the directions of their Dom to dominate them, and so, in fact, in taking care of their Dom, the sub is submitting to submission thus keeping the dominant in the position of control. Whew! Wrap you head around that one!!

     The important thing for a successful D/s relationship is that you find that exact compliment from the area on that slide scale you spend the most time in. If the Dom and the sub are too close on the slide scale more than likely that will lead to conflict. I believe there is a right match for every one out there, you just shouldn't settle until you find that exact fit. Finding my perfect match has always been my goal. It takes a lot of patience, work, understanding, and that pesky unconditional love, but once you find it….it’s golden!!

I normally write in the early mornings where my feelings and emotions are raw. Everything I write about expresses how I feel at that time. It is lunch time right now so I am in a completely different mindset. But.....I think you'll still feel everything I would like you to. 

My Sir and I are inseparable each and everyday. It is still very new, yet it feels like we have had a lifetime together. I have been in a few longterm vanilla relationships in my lifetime, but none even come close in comparison. We have established a core connection. Something so deep and complete that it's something I don't try to understand. 

We feel each other's emotions before they are displayed. We know each other needs before words are spoken. He has taken over my mind first and everything else followed. My thoughts, and my body are no longer my own. 

Him being my Sir holds more value than any other man in my past. Calling him my Sir warms my heart, and makes all my girly parts tingle. Me calling him Sir, means I am fully committed to him; a commitment like no other. 

Without a mental connection between a D/s, M/s the relationship really isn't complete.  Now,  that's my opinion,  but speaking from experience....trust me on this. I wouldn't trade my Sir for all the others combined.

Strive to find your D/s to fulfill the ultimate commitment. Don't ever settle for anything less. Everyone deserves their very best. Go after it! You'll never regret it.

Lots of love~Soaring Free

❤❤

It's hard to wake up on a sunny Calif day and not be thankful. Today holds so many thankfulls that the list would go on forever. My heart is full and growing by the minute. Much love to those people in my family circle that continues to expand. And to Sir...heart, body, and soul is my ultimate gift.

Love you family and friends to the fullest!❤❤

I'm suppose to be going to sleep right now and I'm sure I'll hear about this post in the morning when He realizes that didn't actually happen right away. I just needed to clear my thoughts so my mind would rest. There are moments in our lives when things start to click. It seems to take forever for those moments to come around, but when they do...it's the most wonderful feeling. When you care about another person more than you thought possible, then you realize they care for you just as much. You realize that since that first email was sent, you've been inseparable. When I am in one of my playful moods that sometimes causes my manners to slip, and I'm positive he just shakes his head, rolling his eyes, asking what he's going to do with me. When you want nothing more than to spoon while you sleep just to keep Him close and protected. Feeling that primal feeling emerge, is beyond describable. Knowing that every tear, confusion, and heartbreak in your journey lead you to exactly this moment in time that you wouldn't trade for anything. Now....I can rest my eyes excited for another day.

There are many of us here on this site that have or are experiencing heartache, heartbreak, depression, loneliness, sadness, or lack of acceptance. I would find it hard to believe if one of these descriptions doesn't describe each one of you at some point in your journey. 

In a short time, I've felt every one of those emotions. I've cried endless tears, spent too many moments alone with my own thoughts, and isolated myself from others.  Sound familiar?

In the last few months I've allowed myself to be surrounded by friends here and off site. I've learned how to love those friends unconditionally. I've leaned on some more than others, and have given my gratitude back tenfold.

I know I'm in my last leg of forgiveness for those who have deceived me, lied to me, and who couldn't accept me for who I am. My mind has begun to finally settle, which I'm hoping will return much needed sleep.

I have a few incredible people who know who they are, to thank for helping me become whole again. I've come to accept that the teacher, mentor, mother, friend, sub, and surprisingly Domme, are really one incredible person called Candy, aka SoaringFree. I'm once again excited to continue my incredible journey. ❤❤

This was on my What's New of my profile, but it's getting too long. So I will keep it here instead and update it when needed. It's too bad we cannot have a blog that stays active without it posting to the main page with each change. I'm keeping these notes because it shows part of my journey and what I'm learning about myself and others. The person who captures my heart will find these most useful.

4/29/19-

Sometimes I just have really shitty days. There's nothing that can be done except wait to go to sleep and hope that tomorrow is another day. They don't happen very often, but when they do,  it's like a tsunami. One thing of many that I've learned is that opening myself up to people I care about, the way we all really should, leaves me open to a depth of emotion and hurt that is beyond what I wish I had to feel. I have an amazing support system in place,  but sometimes it feels like it's too much to put on them. We all need a break from other's drama. 

4/28/19- 

Time for a profile update.

4/24/19-

I'm positive that there is nothing worse than being punished by my Sir.

I never intentionally do something wrong. He has a gentle hand when correcting me with my word choices and that's all good. But....yesterday I royally screwed up and it emotionally broke me.

The disappointment in his voice and the careful way he chose his words; broken. I cried not only because of my own stupidity, but mostly because I knew he wasn't looking at me the same. I'm a smart, confident, and strong woman, but now I have doubts he will continue to see me that way.

I know I beat myself up more than I should, but I'm normally proud of the sub I've grown to be. Now, I'm not so sure; confidence becomes less when the mind grows weak. Yesterday I covered every emotion I thought I could ever have. Fiesty, irritated (sat there too long), happy, sad, disappointed, depressed, withdrawn, needy, loved (thanks to Sir).

Today is a new day. I'm starting off tired,  since my mind decided no sleep last night,  but I know as soon as I hear from Sir my mood will turn around. I'll get to school and my kids will lift my spirits even more. They are a huge part of my daily dosage of happiness. So much love for my kids.

He's just woken, so it's time to begin my day. Today's post is a great example of why my blog is titled lessons learned.

4/20/19-

I'm suppose to be going to sleep right now and I'm sure I'll hear about this post in the morning when He realizes that didn't actually happen right away. I just needed to clear my thoughts so my mind would rest. There are moments in our lives when things start to click. It seems to take forever for those moments to come around, but when they do...it's the most wonderful feeling. When you care about another person more than you thought possible, then you realize they care for you just as much. You realize that since that first email was sent, you've been inseparable. When I am in one of my playful moods that sometimes causes my manners to slip, and I'm positive he just shakes his head, rolling his eyes, asking what he's going to do with me. When you want nothing more than to spoon while you sleep just to keep Him close and protected. Feeling that primal feeling emerge, is beyond describable. Knowing that every tear, confusion, and heartbreak in your journey lead you to exactly this moment in time that you wouldn't trade for anything. Now....I can rest my eyes excited for another day.

4/13/19-

Making new friends is by far my most favorite activity. Making friends who "get" you amplifies that feeling by 10. Could there be more to the one who values my friendship, openness, and honesty as much as I do his? If we can get past geography, anything is possible.

4/9/19-

Honestly is necessary above all else. Please.....just be honest.

4/7/19-

I'm always on the road to self-discovery. I've been opening myself up to having conversations with others who have vast experience in mentoring. Some things I've taken away from this past week:
My sub is part of me, not a separate entity. Stop using "her" to identify and accept that my sub is me, period.
Stop suppressing my submissive nature and embrace it.
Take a moment each day to stop and see within myself.
Know that the eyes that sparkle in the mirror are that way because they are they eyes of a happy sub.

4/3/19-

I was talking with a friend today and trying to find a way to explain why I have difficulty finding a Dom who can handle me. It was then that I realized I am a full time mentor to adults and teenagers. I'm always helping them with either their careers, or the kids just trying to understand life and to make them stronger for their soon to come adult life. It is very difficult to turn that off. When you are continuously helping people become dependent, self sufficient and stronger adults, how do I just turn that off? I have to learn how to that better so that I can be the best submissive possible and accepting of the lifestyle that drives my every thought and desire. Submitting and be owned by my perfect Dom is basically getting bulldozed by my career. Looks like I have a lot of work to do on myself before I can truly offer myself to another. Until then, "Not Looking" is my newest update.

Honest- free of deceit and untruthfulness; sincere.

I just wanted to remind everyone that we all have hearts and feelings. 

Being online, it really should be easier to be honest with one another.  You don't have to see the look on their face if you're splitting up. You won't have that uncomfortable moment we all dread. They are words on the screen. 

Me, I value honesty above all else. I'm quick to believe that our first nature is goodness. What can I say? That's just who I am. But being here and have been through what I've experienced and felt. Knowing that I've been lied to more than not; really makes it difficult to believe that more people are honest than not.

Love, not yet love, our hearts still feel the pain of being lied to. This heart....kinda feels like it's been stomped on too much lately.

Spare your "friends"...or strangers this feeling and just be honest.