People question why I am into Bdsm the way that I am. They believe it's not normal and odd.
Here's what I explain to them:
Bdsm is about trust. As a submissive, I am putting all of my trust into a dominant. At any point, he may possibly slip and push further and reiceve what he wishes to be be fulfilled and this could cause physical and emotional damage to me; yet rarely does that happen.
It's about the constant sense of protection. Knowing that even though the dom has control, it really is up to the sub to dictate the session and relationship in a sense. "You're only as strong as your weakest link". If the dom decide to push against the subs wishes, they may break, which could possibly lead to terrible consequences.
But it's not the sexual aspect of bdsm for me that makes me truly enjoy the life style. It's the fact that when I needed someone the most, I was able to have a basic stranger, that I had spoken to on the essence of a session, show me kindness and compassion. During one of my panic attacks (one of the worst ones I've ever had) (before out session) they kept messaging me to make sure I was okay and I would make it home safe.
Backstory: I was supposed to meet up with a gentleman for a session 2 hours away from home. The drive was perfectly fine for me. It wasn't until I got into the area, that I start to have a panic attack because the area hit a nerve and reminded me of my biological fathers home. (I didn't even realize that I had a memory of the area because I was so younger since I last saw this man). After slightly calming myself down, I left my car and walked to the area I was supposed to go. It wasn't helping and by the time I saw him maybe 10 feet away from me, I just turned around and walked to my car. In an area where I was lost and confused, was just breaking down and freaking out. I felt awful for wasting his time, but I was in no condition to meet up. I explained this to him and thankfully he understood. He even offered to let me sit in the hotel room and just relax, but it triggered the memories of violation and abuse that I've gone through anytime someone has said anything like that to me. I ended up driving myself home. I was in no condition to, but I forced myself to make the 2 hour trek back home. Even while he was messaging me to make sure I was going to be okay, i continued to break down in my car and it was getting worse. (The urge to crash was God awful).
I had 2 friends that I cared for more than anything. I tried to contact them both to relieve some of this stress because it was growing progressively worse. My old roommate from the MC just did not respond to any texts and the next day she responded with "im sorry babygr". My other friend picked up the phone after a text and 2 missed phone calls. We lost connection after 5 min when I explained I was panicking and was having the urge. He had yet to call me back.
To me honestly, I feel like I have more faith in the bdsm community that I do with the people around me. I hope that's just not me being cynical.
