My Blog - Original Erotica & Educational Pieces

There are some baselines in kink that are very important. Consent, negotiation, trigger management, boundaries, communication, limits and aftercare. I have covered those topics already in other blogs I’ve released here as well as one of my books titled Kink for beginners. This chapter opens up and discusses the topic of safe words, safe sounds and safe movements. 

WHAT ARE SAFE WORDS?

In kink, constant communication is a must. Play sessions are fluid. They can push our boundaries. They can lean on limits. They can expose us to new things that we may or may not enjoy. They can be fun, or they can make us slightly uncomfortable either physically, mentally or sometimes both. 

Safe words are a safety tool predominantly used by submissives or bottoms. An important tool used to ensure that they can openly communicate with their Dominant, or other Top that they are playing with. Top is used in the sense of any type of player that controls the submissive / bottoms physical, emotional and / or mental state. 

Safe words are used to convey how the bottom feels. It allows the Top to clearly understand if the bottom is comfortable in the current style of play, or if they are potentially approaching, pushing at or even crossing a boundary, whether that be physical, mental or emotional in context. 

But safe words don’t just belong to the submissive or bottom. They can also be used by the Dominant or Top. Majority of the time, it will be a bottom that uses them, but in some cases, a Top can call a safe word. This can be because their emotional or mental state declines suddenly, they are asked to do something that they question, or they find themselves confronted with personal moral or ethical issues. 

Morals are a very personal thing. For instance a sub may have religious fantasies. They may want to role play that they are seduced by a Pastor and fucked at the pulpit. The Top may be highly religious and this pushes personal moral boundaries. Or perhaps the sub likes calling her Top by a term such as Daddy. The Top may have personal issues about this and not like the use of that word. 

Or perhaps the bottom wants to be fucked like an animal and asks to be humiliated and spat on or pissed on. Once again, this may surprise the Top, depending upon their personal moral standing. What might seem insignificant to one party, can cause serious internal triggers and concerns with another. Enter the use of safe words that protects both bottom and Top.

WHY USE SAFE WORDS INSTEAD OF JUST TALKING NORMALLY?

The use of words such as “No” or “Don’t do that” or “Stop” sound easy enough to use. However where play in kink gets blurred, is when a submissive pretends to not want something, or perhaps plays verbally with his/her partner, using “No” as a way to get the Dominant to actually push and do more. Or perhaps the bottom will tease the Top by saying “No” yet wanting the Top to actually ignore that plea and instead push them. The lines blur. This is where defined and set safe words work best. 

WHAT SAFE WORDS SHOULD YOU USE?

This is an age old question. Some people have the belief that they should make up and use a word that they very rarely use, or that wouldn’t be used in any conversation piece. Whilst this is great in theory, when the heat of the moment occurs, and it is paramount that instant halt to play occurs, what if that negotiated word is forgotten by the bottom or the Top doesn’t recognise it. 

An age old use of the traffic light system of green, yellow/amber, red has been a successful way of verbalising safe words that effectively work. 

GREEN

This is a great way to convey the meaning that as a bottom, you are fine and that you are okay if it turns up a notch. 

YELLOW / AMBER

Depending upon your part of the world, the middle traffic light is either called Yellow or Amber. Let’s use Yellow as the term for this example. Yellow lets the Top know that you are getting close to the limits of play that may be escalating, or has escalated, and that you are happy with the level it is at, but it’s time to perhaps calm a little. Not to stop the play, but to ease up a little.

Not just confined to physical limits either, where perhaps the pain of being spanked is at its acceptable threshold for you, but to spank harder would cause real and unwanted discomfort. It may be mental or psychological as well. It may be used where you are both experimenting with something that once triggered you and you trust the partner enough to try to overcome known triggers. Yellow can be used to quickly allow the Top to identify that you are now in a state, where fear has entered your mental state and you need to tread carefully. 

An example of calling yellow on physical, would be the bottom saying “Yellow on that spanking. That’s beginning to feel uncomfortable.” The Top could then respond with “Are you able to take a few more spanks, or do you want me to slow down?” Or perhaps the pulling of the subs hair is a little too vigorous. Calling yellow on that will allow the Top to quickly readjust and lessen the impact, to ensure the mood isn’t lost from too much pain.

An example of calling Yellow in a sense of Mental or Psychological, would be the bottom saying “Yellow on the hand around my throat / wrists. I’m beginning to feel scared.” The Top could then respond with “Would you like me to let go or to continue lightly?”

RED

Red is a finite and instant safe word that halts the play. No questions asked at the time. It ends there and then. The type of play could have triggered physical problems, such as severe cramping or inflammation. Or perhaps ability to freely breathe was impacted. Or in the case of mental or psychological, something (not necessarily intentional from the Top) may have triggered a reaction such as fear or acute anxiety that pushes beyond acceptable limits for the bottom. 

For instance, memories of past abuse from others may have surfaced from the way a Top grabs, manhandles or manipulates the bottom.  Red signifies instant cease and desist and to go straight into aftercare mode. To make the bottom feel safe again by allowing the ability to calm down. Once calmed, conversation can occur between both parties to understand what occured, what caused the trigger or issue and how to avoid that occurring in future situations. 

WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU CANNOT SPEAK?

Safe words are great, but what about the times you are wearing a ball gag, a hood, a mask or some other item that restricts your ability to talk? Or what if the bottom is non verbal by nature and doesn’t actually talk? Or what if they are mute?

Many situations can cause the inability to talk. This is where safe movements and / or safe sounds come into play. It may be the simple motion of a hand or arm, or perhaps the bottom is holding an item that can be dropped that causes a sound (like a small ball with a bell inside it). Perhaps the bottom holds a squeaky toy that is squeezed when a trigger occurs.

Or perhaps you attach a couple of fishing bells onto the fingers of the bottom. Attach them with Velcro. The bottom wiggles those fingers hard and fast and holds them up to gain the attention of the Top. There are many ways that safe movements and safe sounds can be introduced. Just make sure you test them out before play begins, to ensure they work well enough to get the Tops attention. 

WON’T USING A SAFE WORD KILL THE MOOD?

Who cares. Safety, negotiation and informed consent is the baseline of any play session in kink, whether experienced players or inexperienced. Anything can happen, especially when playing hard or rough on a physical level, or when edge playing with mental kinks. It may be that simple hair pulling triggers a rape that has been buried and forgotten from years or decades earlier. Safe words exist to protect both parties from the unexpected.

Yellow or Red is not always about the actions of the current play partner. Triggers can occur that cause ghosts from the past to appear. Where resistance occurs to use safe words, sounds or movements is normally from new or inexperienced Dominants or Tops. Those Dominants will often assume that calling Red has occured because of them, not understanding that past trauma can trigger negative emotions or psychological speed bumps.

Experienced Dominants or Tops will openly discuss and quite often insist on the use of safe words. This is to ensure the safety of the play partner. Experience allows the understanding of the importance of boundaries and negotiable and flexible play styles. Play that can escalate, reduce or stop where and when needed. 

DID YOU FIND THIS ARTICLE INFORMATIVE?

If you found this article informative or educational, please comment and love the post as well as tell others about it and give them the link to read it. There can never be enough education in kink.

They had only met the first time just under half an hour earlier. A meet for coffee in a quiet little cafe. He had been teasing her mind for a few weeks, playing with her senses in non stop filthy, suggestive and very debauched messages.

He knew her husband was at work, and he suggested they finish their coffee's and go back to her place. She looked at him with wide eyes, but nodded in agreement quickly.

They arrived shortly after, and the chemistry was electric as they entered the front door. He unzipped her jeans and quickly removed them. He didn't bother even removing her panties. He forced her onto her back, and slid his hand under the wet fabric of her soaked underwear.

He enjoyed listening to her moan with lust as he drove his fingers deep inside her wet, hungry cunt.

"I'm going to make you cum for me, you little whore. I'm going to finger fuck you until you orgasm and make you squirt so fucking violently that you cover yourself and me with your sweet and sticky juices."

He listened to her moan louder, watching her mouth open, one of her hands trying to grip the floor, her other hand sliding under her soaked panties and her hand gripping his as the lust took over her entire body.

He felt her stomach convulse, her legs quiver, her body shake and her cunt tighten as the first orgasm began to build and prepared to take over her mind, body and senses.

"Be a good fucking whore and cum for Daddy" he whispered

"Oh fuck Daddy. Oh go....oh god I'm going to cum" was all she could manage to moan as her entire body shook with the first of a dozen forced orgasms...

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Would you like to listen to the narrated version? Message me to find out about my private blog, where you can listen to this and other narrated versions.

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Learn to love. Not the type of love that is constricting and controlling. Not the smothering and jealous love that causes pain, anguish and anxiety.

A love that is open, transparent and free flowing. A love borne from acceptance, protection, caring and sharing of experiences.

A love that is not driven by expectations, but rather grows from the unconditional acceptance of another being who grows, ebbs, flows and changes. A love that thrives on the reactive nature of two becoming one.

A love that blossoms and strengthens as it discovers another and forges its way through the universe with one goal in mind.

To create that place within each other called home.

Learn to love. In its purest of forms...

Home isn’t a physical building.

The building we live in is simply a place of residence.

Where we collect unnecessary items.

To create a place of temporary comfort.

Through aesthetic placement.

Until we get bored and want to change those physical things.

The decor.

The furniture.

The ornaments.

The chattels.

The replaceable things.

Home is much more than that.

It has significance.

It has meaning.

It is so so much more.

It’s connection.

It’s safety.

It’s sharing.

It’s bond.

It’s emotion.

It’s mistakes.

It’s annoyance.

It’s frustration.

It’s learning.

It’s discussion.

It’s forgiveness.

It’s negotiation.

It’s awareness.

It’s compassion.

It’s desire.

It’s need.

Home is found in the arms or presence of another.

Home is found in what you share with another.

As well as what you emotionally build with them.

But what explains it best?

To me it’s a simple statement that says so much.

It’s becoming her favourite place to go.

Whether she has had a bad day or a good one…

Beautiful is the one

That recognises your hidden demons.

And rises to meet and fight those demons with you.

The one that can tell when you need help.

Even when you yourself may not realise it.

The one that reaches out.

Taking your hand protectively.

In a simple gesture that says to all.

They are under my protection.

They belong to me.

They are mine…

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Controlling her.

Grabbing her by the throat, slamming her forcefully into that wall behind her.

Making her realise that she no longer has control of the situation.

Forcing her to her knees as you position your cock in front of her mouth.

Ready to force her lips open as you plan to pleasure yourself with her.

To use her mouth and throat.

Enjoying feeling her struggle as your cock begins to part her lips as you pressure your way into her mouth.

Growling at her to feed on you.

Her existence at this moment is simple.

To taste you.

To feel you.

To pleasure you.

To worship you...

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Would you like to listen to the narrated version? Message me to find out about my private blog, where you can listen to this and other narrated versions.

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I’m enjoying looking at you.

Strapped down onto your back and restrained.

Your legs pulled up, knees around your ears.

Unable to move.

Under my complete control.

Your cunt and ass exposed.

I spit on my fingers.

I hear you inhale quietly as my hand spreads your cheeks.

Your asshole puckers, as my wet fingers probe your tight hole, preparing it for what is to come.

Your breathing begin to quicken and labour, as your fear begins to combine with excitement.

I get excited, feeling your fear heighten as I whisper into your ear that I am going to penetrate your tight little ass.

I hear you whimper, as you feel the head of my cock press against your asshole.

I enjoy listening to you groan, as you feel the pressure of my cock prepare to penetrate.

My head rears back and my growl begins to intensify.

I had treated you like a gentleman earlier.

I am no fucking gentleman anymore.

I am going to give you what you came here for.

My brutality.

You, your tight little fucking ass, your tears and your screams are fucking mine now...

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Would you like to listen to the narrated version? Message me to find out about my private blog, where you can listen to this and other narrated versions.

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I place you on your knees in front of me.

Wrists bound and secured behind you.

Soft, supple leather the binding of choice.

Your panties torn from you.

Wet and drenched in your own excitement and lust.

Forced into your mouth

To muffle the screams yet to come.

My open hand connects loudly.

Flesh meeting flesh as my hand lands on your right breast.

The fingers of my other hand slipping into the wetness of your cunt.

The invasive penetration bringing your body to life.

I look at you, kneeling so instinctively.

Understanding your place.

Wanting to earn the right to serve.

To be used.

Fucked.

Brutalised.

Your eyes beg of me to take you.

To force you.

To use you.

How, where and when I see fit.

Use you for my own selfish pleasure.

Your eyes catch mine and plead for me to fuck you.

Claim you.

Hurt you.

Destroy you…

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Would you like to listen to the narrated version? Message me to find out about my private blog, where you can listen to this and other narrated versions.