Over the past 6 months or so I have heard a lot about self collaring. What it means to people and how they wear it. I have been pondering this for sometime now. I have been getting peoples perceptions on why they do it.
Since I was released I have struggled in many areas of life. I have struggled feeling like a submissive. I have struggled feeling like I belong. I wrote a poem recently called Darkness. On another forum I was able to attach a pic of how I felt. Even though I’m sitting there I still struggle.
I struggle to belong
I struggle to be good enough in the community. Especially as a leader.
I struggle to feel like I am a good enough employee to a sadist of a boss.
I struggle to remember to take my meds on time and when to take them.
I struggle with drinking water and basic self-care needs.
At the end of the day, I feel alone as a submissive. A submissive who struggles to be heard, seen, loved, etc. No, a collar doesn’t do those things. It’s going to be the reminder to take care of me. Be a better me. Remind me that I am the opposite of what I feel.
When I was collared I didn’t have to think sometimes. I could pass on my burden to my Dom if they got to heavy. Right now I can’t do that. I don’t have one to pass on too. However, I know the collar will remind me that I am stronger than I am allowing myself to feel. To remind myself of the fire rose tattoo on my back. To remind me how resilient of a submissive I really am. In this lifestyle alone I have been through a lot.
We all need that anchor.
I hope this lets someone know you are not alone.
