So far in my journey of experimenting with sexuality and kinks I have found one recurring challenge. Balance.
At first it was balancing our limits, finding what best works for us both,,, how long we could play before taking a break, how much pain equally suited us both, how far we were willing to go with pain, my favorite implements and activities balanced with his favorite... the list goes on, finding this balance was all about communication and it's an on going process at this point in time.
Next we worked on a balance between family life, work and sex... this was the difficult one, we tried bedroom only, we tried weekends only, we tried 24/7, none of this worked for us, I needed more than occasional control and realistically I couldn't fulfill a 24/7 slave dynamic due to work and family commitments... so it has taken some time but we have found that balance that is full of unspoken rules and agreements, similar to 24/7 he oversees many aspects of my life when I am away from him so that feeling of control is always there, but I am still able to fulfil my responsibilities with full time work and being a parent and running a family home and usual adult stresses and debts!
This balance again is still undergoing construction but we are getting pretty good with it.
The balance I am struggling with right now is my headspace. I am very much a little, I don't identify with age, more so I enjoy innocent crafts, story's, singing cute things, and my little space is a huge part of my personality and always has been, but on the flip of the coin I like the opposite, I want to be hurt, forced, tied, stretched, degraded and fucked to breaking point!!
Here's the problem, the little in me cannot deal with all of that, when in my little space I am happy with spankings but not to the same degree as the other part of me enjoys, I also cant deal with anything degrading, I need praise and soft words instead. I dont want to be forced or experimented on... basically the little side of me doesn't want any of the stuff the dirty whore side of me wants!
My issue is finding that balance between the two, and being able to switch my mindset when Daddy wants to play rough and dirty as opposed to our DD/lg dynamic..
So at this point in time we are going to be testing different ideas to find that balance and make it work, currently we are trying rough on a Friday and Saturday night only, but as I write it I'm thinking what if we want it on a Wednesday and not the Friday... this simply won't work.
Perhaps I could try some ritual or routine activity to get me into the right frame of mind and way out of little space.. I dont know, but we will eventually figure it out!
So in all, Balance is one of the most important aspects of any dynamic and to find true balance, things have to keep moving, changing and evolving until time stops.
To balance is hard, but a priority all the same :)
