Not having control is overwhelming.
TLDR : Group assignments suck and incompetence drives me insane.
University vent post incoming :
I've had quite a few group assignments this semester, and I'm sure I'll have more in the next one. And as always, a classic complaint, is work division.
My friend told me to work with another girl, "E", she used to be classmates with, saying she always had good grades, so she must be responsible. I thought "cool", and that girl and I signed up for 3 assignments together (along with other people). Her and I got along well so I was thinking it would be fine.
I was wrong.
First deadline. No one is doing anything. I'm pushing for a meeting so we could pick the research question and work on it. The guy in the group is too chill, and "E" is just, not replying. I pick the question, I make a plan, I divide the work (give myself the biggest part so I'm 100% sure it's done) and ask for their opinion, if there's anything to change. They say it's all good. The guy worked efficiently, which surprised me. The girl... I had to beg her to send me her work. Literally beg. I even offered to do it. She insisted and said she was making it, she just needed to summarize it. She took 4 hours to summarize a half page long paragraph. She said she felt bad and she would take care of the references. It was so badly done, I could have screamed. I asked her to send me the file so I could change it, and she refused. She kept sending me photos asking what to change and how, but wouldn't send me the file. Because she wanted to be the one to submit it to the prof.
It drove me absolutely insane. It was out of my hands and I couldn't do anything.
The deadline was met anyways, so ok. Let's move on.
Second assignment. She did nothing. Absolutely nothing. The group we were with sucked, one girl proclaimed herself leader, which pissed me off. But I thought, fine. She was aggressive with me, which resulted in a 15 minute restroom crying session (happens to the best of us.). Not important. "E", who drove me crazy on the other assignment, didn't do a single thing. She just showed up for the presentation, said her part, and left. She was sick. But she got sick 2 days before the presentation. She could have worked on the actual paper before. Like I did. Like we all did. Except her. Her excuse ? "The atmosphere in the group didn't motivate me." Bitch- is the deadline not motivating enough? The work was worth 25% of the final exam grade!
But what really made me want to strangle her was the last group assignment.
It had to be submitted on the 29th of December. Revision period before exams was from the 26th of December to the 7th of January. So right in the middle of that period. We had exams to prepare, so we all agreed to submit early. All. Including her. So, by the 26th, me and another guy were done. The 27th, the second guy was also done, and we decide to have a group call. She pops in the call, says she's at a family dinner, but she doesn't mind staying with us on the call. I ask about her work, since it's on a shared doc and her part isn't on it, thinking she didn't have acceptor it, and she says she'll add it later, it's just copy-paste. I leave for 5 mins to feed my cat and when I return, I asked what I missed, the guys say it was about the deadline and I go "oh, yeah, I'm staying up late, so if "E" adds her part, I can put it all together tonight and send it tomorrow.". It gets real quiet and she says, that she can't do it tonight, but she'll send her work max the next day, morning. And then she asks "Are you okay with that? You want to send it early cause you're suuuuuper stressed and stuff, like, you're not mad?", and I was just internally bristling. The tone didn't sit well with me, but I still said okay, because it felt like she was making me out to be crazy. When she left the call, the guys confirmed that she said I was too stressed about it and was putting a lot of pressure on them, but they said they didn't feel like I was pressuring them, since I didn't once ask or demand one of them to hurry up. It's just "E" that felt pressured even though I didn't speak to her about it. I finished the rest of the work with the guys, all there was left was the copy-paste thing. The next day, the 28th, I get on the doc to improve some parts. Her part is not there. I keep checking it the whole day. Her part is still not there. At 8pm, I thought I'd text her, wondering if she really didn't have access, since we made another doc with the boys and she didn't open the group chat. She doesn't open my message and didn't post her part. The next day, 29th, last day to submit, I suggested a group call. Everyone said okay, one guy isn't around but he gave us free reign for everything, since his part was done anyways, we just had to copy-paste one thing at the end. Who do I see on the doc, typing her part ? "E". It wasn't copy-paste. She was typing. She hadn't done her work. She's super agressive on the call, all cold and curt, she accuses me of being some grade-obsessed psycho, stressing over the deadline. And I go :" when did I say I was stressed? You assumed." And she goes "Well you texted me last night about the work!", and I just thought, the nerve. I didn't want to embarrass her in the group chat about her missing work, so I texted her privately, which she apparently read without opening the message, and didn't reply, and didn't do her work despite that message. She said she would send it and she'd keep the file last because she wanted to do her font "in peace". We had a mandatory font. New Times Roman, 12. At that point, I'm angry. I feel like I'm not controlling anything. Every suggestion I give, she ignores it until the guy says that my suggestion was good. I was just slowly spiraling. And her part wasn't done ! At 9pm, she send the file, saying she couldn't add the part of the other guy. Meaning, she took 7 hours, just to "copy-paste" her shit? Right. She didn't do her work, and was doing it last minute. I finished the work. I added the guy's part, fixed up the font on some parts, added a cover page, page numbers, a table of contents, references. Then I submitted.
"E" and I haven't talked since. We've been taking our exams now, since the 8th of January. And she made it a point to ignore me. Good riddance.
But this whole experience made me realize just how much I need to have control. The moment it's out of my hands, I just spiral. I'm talking shortness of breath and shaky hands. It's probably something I need to work on. But how can I work on that when I can't trust anyone to do things well?
The thing with group assignments, is that I naturally take the lead, but it's a gentle kind of lead, it's more like guidance. Because everyone is fucking incompetent, is what I want to say. But I think I just feel more secure having that control. At least I'm not overbearing about it, I don't want to be that kind of person. Also, I hate taking orders from someone I don't consider worthy of ordering me. I just take it as a challenge. I'd like to also note that I only take the lead, when I see that no one is trying to get started on the work, or they're lost, or uncaring and I just feel like I have to take matters into my hands, because a passing grade is enough, but I want an actual good grade, thank you. With how much we pay for uni, I kind of expected people to care a bit more about assignments. Like, is it too much to ask? Some participation ? Involvement ? Effort ?
Next semester, I'll try to ask to be solo on some assignments and projects. Is it more work? Technically, yes. But would it still end up being less mental strain for me? Absolutely. And this is coming from someone with executive dysfunction.
Anyways, long blog. Just me venting because I had an exam today and someone joked that I surprisingly didn't look like an overly stressed person and when I asked where they got that from, they almost said "E"'s full name before switching and bringing up my class rep position. I actually didn't notice at first, it was only after thinking back on the interaction that I figured out a certain someone has been talking behind my back.
Oh well.
