I wish I lived in a world where my Mom wasn't pissed off at me all the time but that's never going to happen. I'm always screwing up in one way or another. I'm never good enough for her. I'm always going to be a disappointment. Maybe that's why I crave affection from my boyfriend and want him to take care of me. He gives me cuddles when I'm not feeling well for whatever reason and I get ice cream when I'm a good girl, need a pick me up, or as a celebration. He takes care of me in a way that is unlike anything I have ever experienced. No, I don't actually need to be taken care of but I enjoy the safety and comfort it gives. It makes me happy when he calls me a good girl/kitten/kitty, or when he says he's proud of me. He never makes me feel like a burden even when I think I am. His love and acceptance is unconditional and I wish it was the same with my Mom. He encourages me to be better and I want to be better for him. My Mom just complains about me both to me and her friends. It hasn’t always been this way. We’ve just been in a bad place for a while. I wish I knew how to fix it. I really need to move out again but I have to get my job situation under control first. So, I guess for now I just need stop trying to please her and focus on taking care of myself. Maybe I’ll be happier that way.
Love yourself,
Zebra