(the following is a true recount of what happened to me Wed night. I've left it in the form of the conversation I had with the Dom who urged me to write this blog)
...I did the most foolish of foolish things ever last night. I talked with someone from a Facebook group that I'd been speaking with for a while but had stopped talking to when I started on Cage. And I could blame it on being upset about xxxx, but it was my stupidity... I agreed to meet him at his place.
(I need to clarify this person was not someone claiming to be in the lifestyle, nor had we ever discussed BDSM in any way)
....it started getting bad and scary. He was much bigger than me and he suddenly became very aggressive, pinning me down with his weight. I thought he was gonna rape me. His hands up under my clothes, I kept telling him No and that he needed to let me up, let me go, I wanted to leave.
I was afraid to just freak out on him (just start screaming and fighting) because for some reason I felt certain it would make things worse...
I realized I'd been asking him, pleading for him to let me up and let me go. So I stopped begging. I made myself calm down and told him I couldn't breath and to let me up. He moved enough that I could sit up and straighten my clothes a bit.
Then I heard him say something about break time being over and reached for me...
...and I grabbed his wrist, pulled it up over his head and did the same with his other and pinned his wrists up over his head, putting as much weight on them as I could. He stopped resisting and I let go. When I did, he started to lower them and I told him "No" sharply and grabbed them, pulling them back, up over his head. And for a few moments we stayed like that, me telling him "No" and "Bad" everytime he'd start to lower his hands.
This was a start, but the door and my car seemed a very long ways away.
I straddled him and slapped him lightly telling him he was being bad. I made myself giggle and told him he wasn't gonna fuck him tonight and I wasn't gonna suck his cock. I pinched his nipple, hard and told him he'd better be good. I told him it was time for me to go now, but that if he behaved and was a very good boy I'd come back with my ropes and tie him up and we could play. He agreed, all eager. I climbed off him slowly and took time to straighten my clothes and run a hand through my hair while trying not to stare at the door. I told him it was time for me to go. He walked me to my car. I wanted to run so badly but I forced myself to walk calmly besides him, smiling and laugh at what he was saying. He opened my car door for me and closed it after I climbed in. I started my car and drove several blocks before pulling over, shaking. After getting myself under control, I drove home.
It seems like I should feel clever for getting myself out in one piece, but I don't. I just feel stupid for getting myself into the situation in the first place. I'm not stupid, and I know better.
The Dom I was speaking with asked me to write this blog and atvthe end, write what lessons I learned from this experience. What I've learned is that I sometimes do stupid things, even when I know better. I've learned I was very lucky. I think the only reason I got out of this unscathed was because I confused him by turning from prey to hunter. I've learned that to deal with a situation, calming your mind is step one.
(If you take nothing else away from reading this, I hope you remember, when you decide to do something you know is foolish, to stop and think things through again. If you still want to go through with whatever it is you're thinking, stop one more time and ask yourself just how lucky you think you feel)
Life - live it, but learn from it.
