Serendipitous
I can’t say that until a few months ago I understood littles. It seemed to me that the whole DD/lg dynamic enforced the idea that submissives are helpless women in need of knights in shining armor, or in this case Daddies, to come and save them. It struck me as a sort of helplessness that I found distasteful. I didn’t mind that others enjoyed it, but I just didn’t understand. It wasn’t for me. I wasn’t one of ‘those’ women.
Fast forward to now and I find myself in a relationship that allows me to be completely vulnerable. I am still at my core the same stable, self sufficient, intelligent woman that I was before we met. I haven’t lost my ability to care for myself, and I know at my core that life can, and would, go on without him. But I choose him. I choose to allow myself moments of nakedness and vulnerability in his arms. I trust him not to betray me, or hold that against me.
In those moments I can, like a child, say exactly how I feel without fear that I’m not handling things well, that I’m not censoring myself enough, or that I’m overwhelming him. I don’t worry that I’m existing too loudly, or weigh whether my words are appropriate. I stop worrying that I’m taking up too much space.
I don’t imagine I’ll ever be a woman who wants to wear a diaper, use a paci, or sleep with a stuffie. I’ll always love Disney movies, but I’ll be just as happy with an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. I’ll take a glass of wine over a sippy of juice even when I’m feeling small. Those things are not a litmus test for being little. They are accessories to the vulnerability that lies at the core of the dynamic.
I’ve come to find a new understanding about what it is to regress to a time of innocence and vulnerability. To an age of reliance on another person for your care. Now when I think of my dominant I think of a man who allows me to be completely exposed and defenseless, and who never takes advantage of that. I think of a man who cherishes the part of me that relies on him and depends on his care and affection. I think of Daddy, and I feel so blessed to be his little girl.
