Maybe that’s our difference…
You seek perfection.
I seek quite the opposite.
“I want to look like I was never afraid to let the world take me by the hand and show me what it’s made of. I want to leave this place knowing I did something with my body other than trying to make it look perfect.” - Rupi Kaur.
As I knelt beside Him, my hair firmly in His grasp, I watched as she sucked His cock with a skill and focus that stirred in me a mixture of envy and absolute awe. A tenderness and kinship in the understanding of the small idiosyncrasies we share when experiencing these situations. Deep fascination at watching from the outside and seeing how everything occurs and looks when one is not amongst it all firsthand. And a warmth and appreciation at how much pleasure she brought Him. Well… and the fact that it was very, very, hot.
What a wonderful beginning. Fingers crossed there are many more to come…
Being unwilling to move a muscle…
despite the growing aching in my joints,
Sandwiched between Sir and our puppy dog…
the best place in the world,
Because I’ve realised that I’m just as much Home for them…
as they both are for me.
“Can I masturbate please, Sir?”
‘If you plug yourself, come in here, get under the desk, and worship my balls while I have a wank to porn.’
My heart sank. For some reason this annoyed me. I was super horny, and had already mapped out my plan… getting into the shower and using the jet stream of the shower head to find that blissful yumminess of water stimulation… a definite favourite for me.
I sat there as I contemplated that not only had that whole plan just flown out the window, it was now unlikely I would cum at all because I would be focused on Him. I got more annoyed. Dragged my feet. Got up slowly and went to put my plug in. I was so horny dammit! I just wanted to cum! I just wanted a private moment to myself for my own pleasure!
But… no.
I went into His study, crawled under the desk (rather unenthusiastically), spread my legs, began touching myself, and licking His balls. I knew straight away that I wasn’t going to cum. And I knew straight away that He was going to cum quickly. As I was licking, He began stroking His cock, and said casually, ‘you will never masturbate alone again. It will either be with Me or with another slave when we have one… but never alone again.’
There are usually always two internal responses for me. A part that finds things super hot, and a part that hates it (but finds that super hot also). This time however, there was also a little bit of anger. He touched on something. Something very deep, and something very personal.
When He came, I cleaned up His yummy goodness (for some reason He tastes soooooo good), and asked if I could go and shower. I then got in the shower and masturbated. This is the first time I have directly defied my Master. It was such a “fuck you.” It brought such curiosity because a) I pride myself on being a good girl, and b) since my first wanderings into this way of life my orgasms have basically been “owned” by someone or other. I’ve been asking permission to masturbate for so long now it seems odd when I don’t have anyone to ask. And yet I realised something this morning. I had never really truly given my orgasms away. Or perhaps I should say, I have never truly shared the privacy of my orgasms. I have never invited or allowed anyone to share that aspect of my sexuality. Everything else, yes. But my orgasms, no. For me they’ve always been super private and for me only. I don’t know why. Perhaps because I grew up in a family that allowed me no privacy whatsoever, so that is the one thing I kept just for me. But for some reason, this order felt so intrusive. It’s the first time I’ve experienced anything that has truly challenged me. Truly challenged a deep part of me. And I still don’t know how I feel about it. I’m scared I guess. I don’t like the thought of giving Him that level of power. I can’t believe He found it. My kryptonite. I’m angry. I’m scared that I’ll never get to orgasm again. I’m annoyed that He has now made everything I have, completely about Him. I wanted to keep that selfish little part just for me, and He has ruined that… and I didn’t even realise I felt that way until now. I’m angry that He has permeated every part of me… without me controlling it. Such a swift card to play. And some part of me thinks He knows. That He’s been holding onto that one. That all this time He has seen me better than I expected. Bastard.
The irony is that I have craved to be seen authentically, my entire life. I have craved handing over that power and vulnerability. I crave enthusiastic subservience. And now, feeling so exposed, I don’t like it. I don’t like having nowhere to hide. It makes me feel so fragile.
The problem also is that it really, really turns me on…
We were willing to see each other as our future.
Would we still hold on this tight?
Or would we let go?
In less than 15 minutes,
He made me love Him again.
After so long!
He plays my heart like a Maestro.
It is truly stunning to behold.
How does He know His power over me?
ahhhh
Because He placed it there.
‘Slave.’
‘Come here.’
I walk into His study. “Yes, Sir?”
‘Get under the desk.’
Instantly aroused, I get down and crawl under the desk. Snapshots of our last “moment” with me under the desk flash through my mind. His foot on the side of my face as He masturbated to porn. His other foot in my mouth. My tongue flicking softly against His toe. Panting breaths. Drool. The dripping wetness between my thighs that I so desperately wanted to touch but didn’t dare. Scooping His cum with my fingers, from a cup that He had deposited it in. The conversation afterwards asking if I was allowed to play with myself in moments like those… and Him saying, yes…
As soon as I’m under the desk He tells me to spread my legs open and begin playing with myself. There’s that feeling that wells up in my belly. That one that leads me to do filthy things… and love it. I smile as my fingers slide down to confirm what I already knew, and begin to work their magic. When His foot slides between my legs I can’t help but stare at it, ever so slightly touching my cunt. Taunting. I imagine humping it… the humiliation… the degradation, of rubbing myself on His leg like a dog. I desperately want to ask if I can, but instead lean my face against His thigh.
Sometimes I feel like I’m so turned on it’s overwhelming… too much. Like I go beyond the possibility of orgasm. This is one of those moments. Finally faced with a fantasy I didn’t realise I had or would ever actually experience, a part of me is unable to believe it’s actually happening. How could He have known? It’s moments like these that I see glimpses of how alike we are in our depravity. Yin and Yang.
He pulls out His cock and begins working it. Fast. He’s turned on. I love when He’s so horny. He reaches down and grabs my hair, hard, and pulls me through the space between Himself and the desk.
‘Suck My Cock. And keep playing with yourself.’
Worshipping His cock is so easy for me, because it is glorious. It truly does feel like a privilege every time He allows me to suck it. I never expected to hear myself say that. I’ve always loved men’s cocks, and worship had been a part of my subservience from the moment I discovered it. However, I had never experienced that feeling of it being a privilege before… this has developed in recent times.
At this angle it’s difficult for me to get air because it automatically restricts my airway despite not even being that deep in my throat. Over time I have come to choose His cock over air, so I simply don’t breathe, until I have to, which of course heightens my sensitivity and arousal. Eventually I find a rhythm that allows for small gasps and expulsions.
Pushing me back under the desk, He tells me to lick His balls. Letting go into the moment, I lick and suck His balls like life itself depended on it.
‘Cum for me, slave.’ ‘Cum while you’re licking my fucking balls.’ ‘Cum while you lick your Master’s balls, slave.’ His tone of voice tells me everything I need to know, and I feel that knowledge shoot through my whole body like electricity. I lick, I suck, my fingers have taken on a life of their own. I’m panting. Moaning. So close.
I don’t cum. There is a small amount of resistance still there I notice… remnants of my experience with being trained to cum on command… something I had told myself I wouldn’t allow again. But there’s that part of me that wants to, that finds it so fucking hot, and I find myself getting closer. But I’m waiting. For what? I think to myself, “do I cum first?” A part of me couldn’t reconcile that, but I knew I desperately wanted to succumb.
“Stop thinking.”
He grabs my hair and pulls me up, shoving His cock in my mouth as He cums. This I see now, is what I was waiting for. I feel my own orgasm explode through me. Gasping and moaning as I’m collecting what He’s feeding into my mouth. Savouring His cum as my body shudders with pleasure.
There are so few moments where I’ve felt truly satisfied. All I could do, kneeling there, a sweaty, spent mess, was place my face back against His thigh, smile up at Him with the biggest shy grin, and say, “Thank You, Sir.”
