Hidden In Plain Sight

I Shall Believe

Song by Sheryl Crow

Come to me now

And lay your hands over me

Even if it's a lie

Say it will be alright

And I shall believe

I'm broken in two

And I know you're on to me

That I only come home

When I'm so all alone

But I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way

You think it ought to be

It seems like every time I try to make it right

It all comes down on me

Please say honestly you won't give up on me

And I shall believe

And I shall believe

Open the door

And show me your face tonight

I know it's true

No one heals me like you

And you hold the key

Never again

Would I turn away from you

I'm so heavy tonight

But your love is alright

And I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way

You think it ought to be

It seems like every time I try to make it right

It all comes down on me

Please say honestly

You won't give up on me

And I shall believe

I shall believe

And I shall believe

That not everythin' is gonna be the way

You think it ought to be

It seems like every time I try to make it right

It all comes down on me

Please say honestly

You won't give up on me

And I shall believe

I shall believe

I shall believe

I shall believe

And I shall believe

And I shall believe

Please say honestly

You won't give up on me

I shall believe

I shall believe

I shall believe

I shall believe

I shall believe

I shall believe

I shall believe

I shall believe

I shall believe

I shall believe

I shall believe

I shall believe

I shall believe

I shall believe

I shall believe

?Love is in the air on thecage at the moment. For some reason it brings this Sheryl Crow song to mind. Hearing this song always makes my heart melt. Something about it seems almost sad, yet beautiful at the same time… the truth of relationship. It speaks to me of the vulnerability of love. How brave it is for us to step into that space together and hope; to believe in each other and what is being created together. Belief, in my eyes, is the glue.

To those setting out on a journey together into the depths of what can be created within your connection, may you never stop believing in each other ?

Big…

and small…

*not my interaction but it just gave me the giggles, so had to share.

Let’s talk a little about rope. *smiles* (my happy place ?).

When people speak of rope, the most conditioned thing we hear them repeat that they’ve been told, is that rope is dangerous. And you know what? They’re absolutely right.

But, why?

What makes it so dangerous?

“Nerves.”

That’s the most common answer.

“There are certain points in the body where the nerves are closer to the surface of the body, so they’re more susceptible to damage…. so, know your anatomy,” is the common mantra.

Yes, all well and good, however…

Did you know that nerves can be damaged anywhere in the body?

Did you know that there are different ways in which those nerves can be damaged?

And what then, are the consequences of that?

I recently attended a rope bottom workshop, which was incredible. The wisdom in that room took my ropey-hearted breath away ? 

We spoke of many, many things.

What I want to speak of here though is something I believe is absolutely imperative if you want to play with rope (or any play for that matter):

Your Risk Profile.

Risk Profile? You ask. What is a Risk Profile?

Glad you asked…

Your Risk Profile is determined by sitting down with yourself and establishing what consequences you’re able/willing to live with should you sustain some kind of injury or harm.

Huh? 

Wrist drop is a very high possibility when it comes to rope, not just from misplaced ropes… nerve compression can simply occur over time (cumulative compression- a very real factor in long-term rope bondage). Wrist drop means that for a period of time, until it heals, you will be unable to use your hands. You heard that right… can’t wipe your bum, can’t drive, can’t work. If you work with your hands in an everyday capacity, as most of us do, this becomes a “real world” problem.

Can you afford to not work? Do you have someone willing to help you should this occur? Is the Top willing to help? Is that negotiated into your agreement?

Breath play is a more extreme example. There are consequences to having oxygen supply shut off from our brain… short-term perhaps, long-term (cumulative) more likely. Who will care for you should you experience brain damage? Is it worth the risk to you?

Basically put, it’s a very real sit down with ourselves to determine what injuries we are able/willing to potentially sustain within our personal lifestyle. That is a Risk Profile.

There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to determining this for yourself. However, it’s very important to be realistic and honest.

Rope isn’t just dangerous because it has the potential to compress some nerves. It’s dangerous because it can have life altering consequences. It’s great to take heed and listen to advice when given by others, however, more than just parroting what we’re told, it is very important to learn why we’re told these things. It’s more than just choosing someone we think will keep us safe. It is about learning for ourselves, and for those who play with us. Being a responsible play partner, regardless of whether you’re Topping or bottoming, is what helps to mitigate things going wrong. Rope is never “safe.” We can have ways to make it “safer,” however, there are no practices that completely erase the possibility for harm. It is your responsibility to negotiate well, know your partner, know yourself, and communicate all of those things in an ongoing capacity from the beginning of negotiations, through the scene, to parting ways after the negotiated later ending of a scene (including aftercare).
As I said above though, there is always risk… you’ve just got to choose which risks you’re willing to accept the possible consequences of.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Don’t know what R.A.C.K is?

Here’s some reading ?:

SSC vs RACK by Justin Medlin: 

Origin of RACK by Gary Switch: 

RACK and SSC from within Reality: 

Fingers trace soft skin

Intricate complexities 

Creating shivers

*(I found this to be an interesting read, so thought I’d share). Not my writing.

Falling In Love the 1st Time: The Love that Looks Right

It’s been said that we really only fall in love with three people in our lifetime. Yet, it’s also believed that we need each of these loves for a different reason.

Often our first is when we are young, in high school even. It’s the idealistic love—the one that seems like the fairy tales we read as children. 
This is the love that appeals to what we should be doing for society’s sake—and probably our families.

We enter into it with the belief that this will be our only love and it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t feel quite right, or if we find ourselves having to swallow down our personal truths to make it work because deep down we believe that this is what love is supposed to be. Because in this type of love, how others view us is more important than how we actually feel.

It’s a love that looks right.

Falling In Love the 2nd Time: The Hard Love

The second is supposed to be our hard love—the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved. This is the kind of love that hurts, whether through lies, pain or manipulation.

We think we are making different choices than our first, but in reality we are still making choices out of the need to learn lessons—but we hang on. Our second love can become a cycle, oftentimes one we keep repeating because we think that somehow the ending will be different than before. Yet, each time we try, it somehow ends worse than before.

Sometimes it’s unhealthy, unbalanced or narcissistic even. There may be emotional, mental or even physical abuse or manipulation—most likely there will be high levels of drama. This is exactly what keeps us addicted to this storyline, because it’s the emotional roller coaster of extreme highs and lows and like a junkie trying to get a fix, we stick through the lows with the expectation of the high.

With this kind of love, trying to make it work becomes more important than whether it actually should.

It’s the love that we wished was right.

Falling In Love the 3rd Time: The Love that Lasts

And the third is the love we never see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be. This is the love that comes so easy it doesn’t seem possible. It’s the kind where the connection can’t be explained and knocks us off our feet because we never planned for it. 

This is the love where we come together with someone and it just fits—there aren’t any ideal expectations about how each person should be acting, nor is there pressure to become someone other than we are. 
We are just simply accepted for who we are already—and it shakes to our core. 
It isn’t what we envisioned our love would look like, nor does it abide by the rules that we had hoped to play it safe by. But still it shatters our preconceived notions and shows us that love doesn’t have to be how we thought in order to be true. 

This is the love that keeps knocking on our door regardless of how long it takes us to answer. 
It’s the love that just feels right. 
Maybe we don’t all experience these loves in this lifetime, but perhaps that’s just because we aren’t ready to. Maybe the reality is we need to truly learn what love isn’t before we can grasp what it is. 
Possibly we need a whole lifetime to learn each lesson, or maybe, if we’re lucky, it only takes a few years. 

Perhaps it’s not about if we are ever ready for love, but if love is ready for us. 
And then there may be those people who fall in love once and find it passionately lasts until their last breath. Those faded and worn pictures of our grandparents who seemed just as in love as they walked hand-in-hand at age 80 as they did in their wedding picture—the kind that leaves us wondering if we really know how to love at all. 

Someone once told me they are the lucky ones, and perhaps they are. 
But I kinda think that those who make it to their third love are really the lucky ones. 
They are the ones who are tired of having to try and whose broken hearts lay beating in front of them wondering if there is just something inherently wrong with how they love. 
But there’s not; it’s just a matter of if their partner loves in the same way they do or not. 
Just because it has never worked out before doesn’t mean that it won’t work out now.

What it really comes down to is if we are limited by how we love, or instead love without limits. We can all choose to stay with our first love, the one that looks good and will make everyone else happy. We can choose to stay with our second under the belief that if we don’t have to fight for it, then it’s not worth having—or we can make the choice to believe in the third love. The one that feels like home without any rationale; the love that isn’t like a storm—but rather the quiet peace of the night after. 

And maybe there’s something special about our first love, and something heartbreakingly unique about our second…but there’s also just something pretty amazing about our third. 
The one we never see coming.
The one that actually lasts.
The one that shows us why it never worked out before. And it’s that possibility that makes trying again always worthwhile, because the truth is you never know when you’ll stumble into love.

“You found parts of me I didn’t know existed and in you I found a love I no longer believed was real.” ~ Unknown

by Kate Rose

if you see my name, or picture and name, or my writings, elsewhere…

it’s not me.

The writing could be mine, but I didn’t put it there. It’s the internet, I’m under no false pretences that people don’t steal identities and writings to pass off as their own. 

so… unless I have invited you to know me on a different platform other than this one, I’m afraid that the “me” you may have had interactions with, is not the “me” me. Hopefully if you did have interactions with “me,” I was at least kind and respectful ?

There once was a Whore

who could spread so wide.

Along came a Spider

and sat down beside her

To peek at what she kept inside.

How many years of beauty do I have left? 
she asks me. 
How many more do you want?
Here. Here is 34. Here is 50.

When you are 80 years old
and your beauty rises in ways
your cells cannot even imagine now
and your wild bones grow luminous and
ripe, having carried the weight
of a passionate life.

When your hair is aflame
with winter
and you have decades of
learning and leaving and loving
sewn into
the corners of your eyes
and your children come home
to find their own history
in your face.

When you know what it feels like to fail
ferociously
and have gained the
capacity
to rise and rise and rise again.

When you can make your tea
on a quiet and ridiculously lonely afternoon
and still have a song in your heart
Queen owl wings beating
beneath the cotton of your sweater.

Because your beauty began there
beneath the sweater and the skin,
remember?

This is when I will take you
into my arms and coo
YOU BRAVE AND GLORIOUS THING
you’ve come so far.

I see you.
Your beauty is breathtaking.

Poem by Jeannette Encinias