Hidden In Plain Sight

Back when tiger’s smoked (my new favourite term for “once upon a time”… yes, it’s actually a legitimate saying lol), there was a phrase I came across in a book.

‘Kina palirra.’

In the culture of this particular Aboriginal community (“tribe”), the term ‘I love you’ is seen to be possessive and is therefore not used. Instead, kina palirra is used. It translates roughly as,

‘You are here. That is enough.’

From the moment I read these words, my heart said, ‘yes! this is truth.’ This is the type of expression of “love” that feels right for me.

When I got married, it was my intention to get those words tattooed on my hand… the hand that would hold his hand throughout our life together. However, it never happened. I was told the hand can’t be tattooed, and then over time couldn’t decide where else I wanted to place it, so it became a distant thought.

After my marriage ended, the thought continued that someday I’d get it done to honour our marriage (he is a wonderful man and although our journey didn’t continue together, that part of my life will always be special to me).

But, it never happened.

When I met my ex-Sir, I began contemplating it again as a representation of U/us. However, again, it didn’t happen.

When things ended between us, my ex-Sir gave me some money for my birthday, to spend on treating myself. I was a bit lost on what to use it for because I’m not really one to “pamper” myself in ways that cost money lol. But the idea came to me, and with such a resounding ’Yes!’ I was finally going to get that damn tattoo!

But this time… for me.

It was such a mind blowing realisation and shift in perception. That tattoo has been meant for me all along… waiting patiently until I could accept for myself that I am here, and that is enough ?

So, here it is (on my hand ?):

Sometimes things have a funny way of coming into being. More and more I’m learning to simply let go and trust in the process. 

Happy New Year, everyone. 
May you too realise that you are here, and that is enough ? 

Rarely do I pass up a fun challenge. Thank you, Pure ?

yes… I have a retro pink bathroom, and I love it! ?

The rest? Well, that’s pretty self explanatory ? 

It’s easy to fuck.
What is hard is showing your weak, ugly self.
And what is even harder is sharing your most beautiful parts, and asking someone to hold them safe.

It’s easy to fuck.
What is hard is finding someone who makes you want to become brave, and risk taking off your armour.
And what is even harder is realising that they weren’t the right one, despite what your heart told you.

How can a heart be wrong?

It’s easy to fuck.
What is hard is learning to fight your battles without creating casualties of you both, trying to become a soft place for the other to land should they need.
And what is even harder is owning all your failures, including overlooking how unhappy they were.

How can we miss seeing the person closest to us?

It’s easy to fuck.
What is hard is picking up your pieces and moving on, trying to gather up everything as to not leave any traces.
And what is even harder is knowing that they’ll always have pieces of you, just another story added to the pile.

It’s easy to fuck.
What is hard is realising that no matter how much you hope, some people only have the capacity for easy.
And what is even harder is accepting that’s not you.

“I use love to gaslight myself,” I said.

“I’m such a fool.”

‘Of course,’ she said, placing her hands gently over her heart.

‘We all want love. And we have all learned to do whatever we need to do to find that love.’

‘Instead of rejecting that part of yourself, just hold her close and tell her “of course”.’

? We all need wise women in our lives. If you don’t have one just now… this share is for you ?

Shame is something I have recently been exploring within myself. Where it comes from, what triggers it, how it has impacted my life.

There was a belief behind this… a drive. If I could overcome feeling shame I’d be free. Free from caring about judgement.

It occurred to me this morning whilst reading a book from one of my favourite authors, that perhaps we never overcome shame… and perhaps we don’t need to. Maybe it’s in the acceptance of the discomfort of the shame that comes up when we truly bare ourselves to another, that we find peace. Maybe it’s the shame itself that indicates that we truly are being vulnerable. That uncomfortable feeling of being exposed.

Just some thoughts.

Let’s hear it for the Men who face their demons.

Let’s hear it for the Men who can sit with discomfort. 

Let’s hear it for the Men who’ve let go of FOMO. 

Let’s hear it for the Men who want to do the work… 

I see you. Thank you ? 

When we are young, it’s the illusion of perfection that we fall in love with. 
As we age, it’s the humanness that we fall in love with- the poignant stories of overcoming, the depthful vulnerability of aging, the struggles that grew us in karmic stature, the way a soul shaped itself to accommodate its circumstances. 
With less energy to hold up our armor, we are revealed and, in the revealing, we call out to each other’s hearts.
Where before wounds turned us off, they are now revealed as proof that God exists.
Where we once saw imperfect scars, we now see evidence of a life fully lived.

~Jeff Brown~

Just because she’s timid and shy,  
doesn’t mean she’s not perverted.

Just because she cries freely, 
doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to hurt.

Just because she has a tender heart, 
doesn’t mean she doesn’t crave cruelty.

Just because she seems like she might break, 
doesn’t mean she’s scared of the darkness.

She can’t compartmentalise. 
Offering everything. 
All that can be seen, yet so much more.

So, why does that make you afraid of her? 
Or, for her? 
Can those realms not be explored together?

For some reason the way she is seems to make people want to love and protect her.

She loves that.

But she still needs a Monster. 
So, if you’re going to be the One to protect her from the monsters… then she needs it to be You.

https://thecage.co/https://images.thecage.co/static/no-image-found.pngAlthough I’d say my ass isn’t a great feature of mine ?, for the sake of a fun challenge, here it is:

and what would life be without some lovely bruises to accompany an ass?!: