Hope you are al lfinding what you are looking for here and do think about all of you. For me, giving up was the right thing to do as at 48 am too old and was a waste of effort . in life, as painful as it is to give up on something it is sometimes the only choice to find peace. for me , i can always do self-bondage and dream while i focus on working, making money and improving myself physically although it is too late to become an Adonis
I might be leaving for Yellowstone national park again in two months although I might stay here in bozeman and stick with smiths. In any case, traveling again might be what I need since there is no hope of anything happening here since I will never be good looking or smart enough no matter how many hours I spend in the gym so just time to concentrate on working a lot and exercising to prepare for hiking etc if I choose to go to Yellowstone. As much as it hurts sometimes you have to just close the book on certain lives and I guess I will on this lifestyle and focus my efforts elsewhere
This is a poem or saying whatever you want to call it inspired by the travels to the different national parks
The Distance
Reality is like a marathon
You run the distance but yet you still find a canyon you cant get across
Take a deep breath and plunge in
Roll down the slopes
Crawl up the other side
The pain and hurt is worth the victory
because in going the distance you become a better you
If something is impossible to achieve in life why is one born with those feelings? One of the things that frustrates me is I have the interest and desire for a BDSM relationship but is not attainable because I am getting too old and never find that special someone. I try to shut my mind to it with work, volunteer exercise but is still there and I know it is not a ttainble
I think I posted this before but posting it again as it spoke to me
Blue In The Shadows
In the shadows there is no blackness
The light of my heart and soul is blue on black blue
Giving light to those who see you with theiir heart
Getting strength from the richness of your light...
You walk unseen but yet seen
Physically no longer there but yet still a part of their life
In the day of lighgt your soul moves from the hiden recesses to the mountains in the sky
At night being the guardian of those you care about
I have often been referred to as a enigma or someone that is difficult to understand and perhaps accept. I agree with that as I have often followed roads that made no sense and seem to be a person that reallyhas no home in this world. I am happiest in the mountains and more isolated areas. I don't understand myself at times and never will I guess. Where I belong I never will belong and just traveling in this life in a body I will never like until I return to my spirit animal form in time. I guess that is why I like the arts, music, painting, writing etc as they speak to me more deeply than people often do. perhaps that is why BDSM was hopeless from the start
sorry about posting twice didn't mean too
In life, sometimes a person must let some dreams die and for me it has as far as BDSM and not even making the effort anymore. Focusing on the two possibly three jobs I have , volunteering and working on my weight as a man has to know his limitations as Clint eastwood once said. I can accept that but will still post random thoughts from time to time to hopefully inspire others. 50 pounds by july and another 50 by the end of the year then maybe give it another shot although I will be a year older by then
lone wolf howls
Sometimes a wondering lone wolf must take different trails in life to do something different and not go down familiar paths that lead to the same results
I have closed the book on this lifestyle as much as it was part of me but as Clint Eastwood said a man has to accept his limitations and am accepting not what is possible. Working two jobs, volunteering and going to the gym which are my main focus and can accept the fact that it will never happen so be it. Still have a goal of losing another 50 pounds by july